154
I don't know what's going on anymore...
Today was so much fun during the school day that is...
1st: Made cool egg things..
2nd: Argued with Mr. McBryde.. Me and Victoria had fun bein annoying! lOl.
3rd: I sang my solo! I got to bond with Liz cuz of our nervousniss =P I lOvE LiZ!!
4th: Messed aroudn on the internet.. Cuz I finished all my assignments
5th: We had an open discussion on our science stuff and I actually really really learned!
Lunch: Hailee sat on ketchup. CameroN[sp?] I don't kno how to spell his name.. lol. uh he put it there... I told him to get away before she killed him.
6th: Got picked on once again... GrAwR. CoReY & MaTt!
7th: I had so much fun with Aaron! I really do like that boy! He really makes my day like twenty million times better when I get to talk with him!
Softball practice.... GrAwR. It was so flipping hot outside, it was iNsAnE! It hasn't been that hot at practice EVER before.. Half our team wasn't even there. We ran like maniacs... kinda. But we all pretty much died out at the end from a bunch of sprints and the outfield foul pole to foul pole sprints. It was crazy.
Great then I come home... Come to find out that my mom flippin "cleaned" my room. When she "cleans" my room she doesn't "clean" it! She just takes EVERYTHING out and puts it on my floor or in the TrAsH! I hate it sooo much! I was gettin so pissed off. I don't even want to look at my parents, cuz they're both being super uper retarded.
I went to get some kinda food to eat considering I was dying... cuz of practice.. well I went to go get some SpAm and my mom was like what are you doing? Your not supposed to eat meat today. I was like but I need some kinda food! She was like just sacrifice for today. So ok I did. I was going to make a Spam sandwhich but then its meat... I was going to make a reg. sandwhich... that contains meat... they suggested soup or ramen.. well HELL NO I'm so flippin tired of soup and I actually want to eat something. So then I decide hey why not just eat the bread I got out and get dinner over with?. So that's all I've had. I went to the living room and my dad was eatin the spam that I wanted and I told him wth are you doing I was saving that for tomorrow since mom wouldn't let me eat and then he's like blah blah blah thats what makes you fat! You don't need to be eatin that cuz your just going to get fatter! So here I got again for the 20th time crying to my room..
Oh and I got really really really angry and stared yelling up a storm in my room about my mom... I starting pouding my fist on my entertainment center. Yeah it kinda hurt but damn it was loud and it really seemed like I was going to break it. That KiNdA helped release some anger.
Currently my room is in a total wreck... does it look like I'm going to finish cleanin it...? NO. I know for a fact that I am NOT going to finish this crap up. I am just tooo pissed to function. I keep crying like a freakin baby. I just really can't take it anymore. Once again I was thinking of *iLLing myself.. I get so close. But then last minute I'm too scared to go with it. Maybe it's for the better that I'm scared. Who knows, but when I think about it.. it's not like my parents care if I did it at all. I mean we were on a walk the other day and they told me to stop complaining... I said well maybe if I killed myself you guys wouldn't have to deal with it anymore... They didn't even really say anything well my mom was like mmhmm but she was just being sarcastic.. I think that is what they think I was doing.. but no I really wasn't. I just don't know what the heck I wanna do about life lately. I don't seem to be doing anything right.
I'm fat, sloppy, lazy, stupid, angry, and it just doesn't seem like it's really worth it anymore. No one cares. Nobody really cares. For once I wish someone could care as much as I did about people. No one knows how much I care about each and every one of my friends. Sure I don't show it sometimes, but really I care so much.
It's each and everyone of my friends that keep me here. I know that if I hurt myself or killed myself I would hurt so many people. I always think about others when I make my decisions. I love each and every single one of my friends. I don't know what I would do without them. Honestly, I don't think I could live cuz it's my friends that keep me alive and going.
Today was so much fun during the school day that is...
1st: Made cool egg things..
2nd: Argued with Mr. McBryde.. Me and Victoria had fun bein annoying! lOl.
3rd: I sang my solo! I got to bond with Liz cuz of our nervousniss =P I lOvE LiZ!!
4th: Messed aroudn on the internet.. Cuz I finished all my assignments
5th: We had an open discussion on our science stuff and I actually really really learned!
Lunch: Hailee sat on ketchup. CameroN[sp?] I don't kno how to spell his name.. lol. uh he put it there... I told him to get away before she killed him.
6th: Got picked on once again... GrAwR. CoReY & MaTt!
7th: I had so much fun with Aaron! I really do like that boy! He really makes my day like twenty million times better when I get to talk with him!
Softball practice.... GrAwR. It was so flipping hot outside, it was iNsAnE! It hasn't been that hot at practice EVER before.. Half our team wasn't even there. We ran like maniacs... kinda. But we all pretty much died out at the end from a bunch of sprints and the outfield foul pole to foul pole sprints. It was crazy.
Great then I come home... Come to find out that my mom flippin "cleaned" my room. When she "cleans" my room she doesn't "clean" it! She just takes EVERYTHING out and puts it on my floor or in the TrAsH! I hate it sooo much! I was gettin so pissed off. I don't even want to look at my parents, cuz they're both being super uper retarded.
I went to get some kinda food to eat considering I was dying... cuz of practice.. well I went to go get some SpAm and my mom was like what are you doing? Your not supposed to eat meat today. I was like but I need some kinda food! She was like just sacrifice for today. So ok I did. I was going to make a Spam sandwhich but then its meat... I was going to make a reg. sandwhich... that contains meat... they suggested soup or ramen.. well HELL NO I'm so flippin tired of soup and I actually want to eat something. So then I decide hey why not just eat the bread I got out and get dinner over with?. So that's all I've had. I went to the living room and my dad was eatin the spam that I wanted and I told him wth are you doing I was saving that for tomorrow since mom wouldn't let me eat and then he's like blah blah blah thats what makes you fat! You don't need to be eatin that cuz your just going to get fatter! So here I got again for the 20th time crying to my room..
Oh and I got really really really angry and stared yelling up a storm in my room about my mom... I starting pouding my fist on my entertainment center. Yeah it kinda hurt but damn it was loud and it really seemed like I was going to break it. That KiNdA helped release some anger.
Currently my room is in a total wreck... does it look like I'm going to finish cleanin it...? NO. I know for a fact that I am NOT going to finish this crap up. I am just tooo pissed to function. I keep crying like a freakin baby. I just really can't take it anymore. Once again I was thinking of *iLLing myself.. I get so close. But then last minute I'm too scared to go with it. Maybe it's for the better that I'm scared. Who knows, but when I think about it.. it's not like my parents care if I did it at all. I mean we were on a walk the other day and they told me to stop complaining... I said well maybe if I killed myself you guys wouldn't have to deal with it anymore... They didn't even really say anything well my mom was like mmhmm but she was just being sarcastic.. I think that is what they think I was doing.. but no I really wasn't. I just don't know what the heck I wanna do about life lately. I don't seem to be doing anything right.
I'm fat, sloppy, lazy, stupid, angry, and it just doesn't seem like it's really worth it anymore. No one cares. Nobody really cares. For once I wish someone could care as much as I did about people. No one knows how much I care about each and every one of my friends. Sure I don't show it sometimes, but really I care so much.
It's each and everyone of my friends that keep me here. I know that if I hurt myself or killed myself I would hurt so many people. I always think about others when I make my decisions. I love each and every single one of my friends. I don't know what I would do without them. Honestly, I don't think I could live cuz it's my friends that keep me alive and going.