love?
Well I couldnt sleep, I mean i did...but it was tough in i kept having bad dreams. SO now im awake waitin for the bendryl to do some kickin.
I think I have finally realized why it is I may be afraid to love, or just feel like I havent loved. Why it is I make it so complicated. In it wasnt even until the other day while talking to someone that I realized this. I dont think I even ever could have answered the question what is love to you? But Now I can, or atleast a lil bit. To me love is when you have this incredible feeling inside u, this feeling of happiness, this feeling of non stop care about this person, the feeling of missin them even if they are sittin right next to u, knowin they know u, knowing them, non stop smiling, smiling soo much n being soo happy that all these wonderful feelings come to u, and than the most important one is SHARING that feeling. Being able to have the other person feel the same way if not more right back. Sharing eachothers happiness. In i mean mayb some of you will ask why do u have to have the other person feeling that way too? Well maybe to some people you dont, but to me you do. Its not love unless it envolves two ppl with the same exact feelings. Making eachother extremely happy, like you are where u wanna be when ur with them. Its just the way it is in my view. True meaning of love is something special, it is something thats hard to come by, and it is for a reason because its hard to get someone to share those feelings right back.
The problem I have, is I do get afraid, afraid of relationships, and commitments. Mayb its because im afraid of getting hurt, idunno. But i do. I push myself though, in i try n I try. But one thing I have such ahead time on is loving someone. I dont say I love u in a relationship... I dont... and havent. In mayb its because iv never felt it, or maybe its because iv never really had ne real relationships, except that now of mine with brian. Nothing big enough for me to get a guy to say it to me. Because I am not one of those girls that just say it after ur "official" I wait til i find it. In i guess with the fact that im afraid of things, I do tend to block my feelings. If i like a guy, i wait to see if he likes me, if i start to like him more, I hold those feelings in until i think hes at the same page if not more, if im really really liking this guy, I will STILL hold those feelings in until i feel it back. So if im never feeling it back from any guys i had been with in the past, how was i ever able to love them? I was holding my feelings back, in if they did get strong, wouldnt that have been almost lust? I dont know mayb none of this makes sense to any of u, but to me im finally understanding it. If i get a remarkable feeling inside of me, maybe all those i had listed in the above paragraph, and dont get the last part, the part where the persons sharing it, than i dont share it, and maybe the sharing part is what makes itlove. Basically its like I wait for them to share it, in than I can let my feelings out, in mayb than ill know.
One day... I'll feel it..and when I do... Ill know :D I can say... that recently I have come very very close, theres a reason those things listed in the first paragraph are there.
*phew* so enough with the lovely dovey stuff.. ha how often do u hear me say that kinda stuff? *psh*
so I dunno lately things have had there moments, I had a pretty rough up in down time, in now Iv been just slowly picking myself up.
Hangin out with the girls again, thats nice. I think we all were just gettin into the swing of things since summer was over. But iv been with them a lot lately, I love em all :D dunno what id do with out them.
Also Ill be startin back up at HCO again, but the closer one.
I think we are goin to do springbreak this yr, im excited for that! Yay
Umm hmmmm other than that... to be honest I cant wait for it to be October, I have a really really good feelings its gonna be a good month !! i hope so atleast lol.
ooo and im still lookin into a new car/truck. I want to wait a couple weeks still in see if they are too offer some new programs on what i want. Im stuck on the colorado, or i dont mind the dakoata, just preferred the colorado bczof the maker, and the gas mileage.Dad n i went yesterday to look at trucks, he tried toget me into the cobalt or something since i can afford those right now they have programs goin on, but i dont want a car, i want a truck. In again if i want something this much, i cant settle for less, so we will see what happens.
Alrighty, well im done, gonna try n sleeepp now :D
I think I have finally realized why it is I may be afraid to love, or just feel like I havent loved. Why it is I make it so complicated. In it wasnt even until the other day while talking to someone that I realized this. I dont think I even ever could have answered the question what is love to you? But Now I can, or atleast a lil bit. To me love is when you have this incredible feeling inside u, this feeling of happiness, this feeling of non stop care about this person, the feeling of missin them even if they are sittin right next to u, knowin they know u, knowing them, non stop smiling, smiling soo much n being soo happy that all these wonderful feelings come to u, and than the most important one is SHARING that feeling. Being able to have the other person feel the same way if not more right back. Sharing eachothers happiness. In i mean mayb some of you will ask why do u have to have the other person feeling that way too? Well maybe to some people you dont, but to me you do. Its not love unless it envolves two ppl with the same exact feelings. Making eachother extremely happy, like you are where u wanna be when ur with them. Its just the way it is in my view. True meaning of love is something special, it is something thats hard to come by, and it is for a reason because its hard to get someone to share those feelings right back.
The problem I have, is I do get afraid, afraid of relationships, and commitments. Mayb its because im afraid of getting hurt, idunno. But i do. I push myself though, in i try n I try. But one thing I have such ahead time on is loving someone. I dont say I love u in a relationship... I dont... and havent. In mayb its because iv never felt it, or maybe its because iv never really had ne real relationships, except that now of mine with brian. Nothing big enough for me to get a guy to say it to me. Because I am not one of those girls that just say it after ur "official" I wait til i find it. In i guess with the fact that im afraid of things, I do tend to block my feelings. If i like a guy, i wait to see if he likes me, if i start to like him more, I hold those feelings in until i think hes at the same page if not more, if im really really liking this guy, I will STILL hold those feelings in until i feel it back. So if im never feeling it back from any guys i had been with in the past, how was i ever able to love them? I was holding my feelings back, in if they did get strong, wouldnt that have been almost lust? I dont know mayb none of this makes sense to any of u, but to me im finally understanding it. If i get a remarkable feeling inside of me, maybe all those i had listed in the above paragraph, and dont get the last part, the part where the persons sharing it, than i dont share it, and maybe the sharing part is what makes itlove. Basically its like I wait for them to share it, in than I can let my feelings out, in mayb than ill know.
One day... I'll feel it..and when I do... Ill know :D I can say... that recently I have come very very close, theres a reason those things listed in the first paragraph are there.
*phew* so enough with the lovely dovey stuff.. ha how often do u hear me say that kinda stuff? *psh*
so I dunno lately things have had there moments, I had a pretty rough up in down time, in now Iv been just slowly picking myself up.
Hangin out with the girls again, thats nice. I think we all were just gettin into the swing of things since summer was over. But iv been with them a lot lately, I love em all :D dunno what id do with out them.
Also Ill be startin back up at HCO again, but the closer one.
I think we are goin to do springbreak this yr, im excited for that! Yay
Umm hmmmm other than that... to be honest I cant wait for it to be October, I have a really really good feelings its gonna be a good month !! i hope so atleast lol.
ooo and im still lookin into a new car/truck. I want to wait a couple weeks still in see if they are too offer some new programs on what i want. Im stuck on the colorado, or i dont mind the dakoata, just preferred the colorado bczof the maker, and the gas mileage.Dad n i went yesterday to look at trucks, he tried toget me into the cobalt or something since i can afford those right now they have programs goin on, but i dont want a car, i want a truck. In again if i want something this much, i cant settle for less, so we will see what happens.
Alrighty, well im done, gonna try n sleeepp now :D