(no subject)
So it's been over a year since i've written in this bitch... and i'm in the exact same place i was in a year ago... i haven't changed at all in the past year.. it's kind of depressing... i still don't know who i am.. i thought i knew but once i looked deeper i found nothing.. i'm an empty shell of who i used to be.. i don't remember who i used to be.. i don't even know who i want to be.. i know i want to be better but i don't know how.. i just want to go back to a time when i was happy... it's been so long i don't even remember when it was.. i guess right around december 2005.. i've tried pretending but the only person i ended up fooling was myself.. i can't even stand to be around my family because if i'm around them too much i know they'll eventually see right through me.. the last thing i need is people worrying about me.. there have been times when i thought i was happy.. but then i wake up with a huge hangover.. there have been times when i've gotten really close, but it's always the same story. i just wish i could find a guy who would treat me well.. someone who will say and do nice things for me.. someone i can laugh with.. someone i could fall in love with... not that i'm blaming men for my unhappiness.. but that would be one less thing to bring me down.. i'm not depressed or anything, just not where i want to be.. i guess what i want is too much to ask for...