the sick irony of my life
Today was such an amazingly beautiful day, up until about 1 hour ago...
I had a wonderful day at school...despite Ryan and I's breakup over the weekend, after speaking last night and meeting today in school after 3 days apart our reunion was joyful. We worked on my powerpoint after class and made an amazing collage, we went out to lunch together at Subway and split a sandwich...and everything was so right and we were perfect...
And then I went up the Bay and worked on some paintings and saw a bunch of old friends, got my ACT packet, and talked to Addison and received a picture from him from over the Summer. It was a fresh adventure, visiting the Bay today.
And just when I thought that the day couldn't get more perfect, I went over to Ryans and everything was just wonderful. We were loud, laughing, joking, and having the time of our lives together; just like the love sick crazy kids we are...
and then...
I wouldn't let him and the guys use my car to go pick up some dope. And in front of everyone, Ryan called me "greedy" and totally made me out to be the bad person. I was so upset, so disgusted, so SICK, that I screamed at him in front of everyone, slammed the door in his face and ran outside where we proceeded to scream at eachother for 20+ minutes...and he didn't think he disrepected me at all...but he made me look like complete ass in front of Ken Dan and Justin as well as a selfish bitch because I wouldn't use my car, and none of them drive...instead of backing me up, and saying to them "dude guys, my girlfriend's car is out, she needs her gas money..."
But no. Getting high is so much more important! It was horrible. I was feeling so strong, so angry, and I just wanted to walk so bad. It was dramatic. I threatened to walk out on him, leave him high and dry if something didn't change. But fuck, that love, stupid fucking that love that I feel so deeply for him took over and I GAVE IN. I didn't let them use my car, but I stayed there.
So once again, Ryan Sorensen won.
So it just sucked from then on. The bud they got was horrible, it was all shake, shit. They didn't even get high. I asked Ryan in the long run, was it worth it? Was it truly worth it?
He's got a fucking addiction...everything was perfect...everything was so fucking perfect!!!!
God DAMN. I was hoping to make love with him tonight, after all the shit we went through and it would have been so amazing, so amazing because of earlier today. But he just HAD to fuckup, after I promised myself that I wouldn't let him do this again to me?
Why did I give in, AGAIN?
I hate myself. I fucking hate myself...
Will this cycle never end? Or will Ryan Sorensen ever learn?
I had a wonderful day at school...despite Ryan and I's breakup over the weekend, after speaking last night and meeting today in school after 3 days apart our reunion was joyful. We worked on my powerpoint after class and made an amazing collage, we went out to lunch together at Subway and split a sandwich...and everything was so right and we were perfect...
And then I went up the Bay and worked on some paintings and saw a bunch of old friends, got my ACT packet, and talked to Addison and received a picture from him from over the Summer. It was a fresh adventure, visiting the Bay today.
And just when I thought that the day couldn't get more perfect, I went over to Ryans and everything was just wonderful. We were loud, laughing, joking, and having the time of our lives together; just like the love sick crazy kids we are...
and then...
I wouldn't let him and the guys use my car to go pick up some dope. And in front of everyone, Ryan called me "greedy" and totally made me out to be the bad person. I was so upset, so disgusted, so SICK, that I screamed at him in front of everyone, slammed the door in his face and ran outside where we proceeded to scream at eachother for 20+ minutes...and he didn't think he disrepected me at all...but he made me look like complete ass in front of Ken Dan and Justin as well as a selfish bitch because I wouldn't use my car, and none of them drive...instead of backing me up, and saying to them "dude guys, my girlfriend's car is out, she needs her gas money..."
But no. Getting high is so much more important! It was horrible. I was feeling so strong, so angry, and I just wanted to walk so bad. It was dramatic. I threatened to walk out on him, leave him high and dry if something didn't change. But fuck, that love, stupid fucking that love that I feel so deeply for him took over and I GAVE IN. I didn't let them use my car, but I stayed there.
So once again, Ryan Sorensen won.
So it just sucked from then on. The bud they got was horrible, it was all shake, shit. They didn't even get high. I asked Ryan in the long run, was it worth it? Was it truly worth it?
He's got a fucking addiction...everything was perfect...everything was so fucking perfect!!!!
God DAMN. I was hoping to make love with him tonight, after all the shit we went through and it would have been so amazing, so amazing because of earlier today. But he just HAD to fuckup, after I promised myself that I wouldn't let him do this again to me?
Why did I give in, AGAIN?
I hate myself. I fucking hate myself...
Will this cycle never end? Or will Ryan Sorensen ever learn?