(Untitled)

[blonderocker007]

Mariah Coen

Mrs. Dubin

Period 3.4

Short Story

In a Ball

You’re sitting there wondering why

Comments

corrections... take serious notion

[lincinnabin]

THE BOLDED AREAS ARE THE AREAS THAT I FIXED. GO INTO YOUR PAPER AND COPY AND PASTE OR WRITE EXACTLY WHAT I WROTE IN THE BOLDED AREAS.VERBATUM!

Incorrect: "Now you’re in a ball, on your computer, staring at your computer screen"
Correct: "Now you're in a ball, staring at your computer screen"

Incorrect:"But of course you can’t think of one thing Your brain is jumping from one thing to the next, never staying on one subject. "
Correct:"But of course you can’t think of one thing; your brain is jumping from one thing to the next, never staying on one subject. "

Incorrect:"OH no, its back."
Correct:"Oh no, it's back."

Incorrect:"your probably get a D-"
Correct"you'll probably get a D-"

Incorrect:"much you would hate your self."
Correct:"much you would hate yourself."

Incorrect:"you’re dieing on the"
Correct:"you're dying on the"

Incorrect:"conversation with any one especially"
Correct:"conversation with anyone especially"

Incorrect:"truly listing to the words"
Correct:"truly listening to the words"

Incorrect:" the have to read between the lines"
Correct:"they have to read between the lines"

Incorrect:"You start to wonder if people think about that. How you never have a nice thing to write about."
Correct:"You start to wonder if people think about that; how you never have a nice thing to write about."

Incorrect:"Oh My GOSH, “you? Depressed?” look at your self, you’re always laughing, hanging out. HOW? That isn’t possible. No, your not depressed, your just going though teenage “drama.”"
Correct:"Oh my gosh, “You, depressed?” look at yourself, you’re always laughing, hanging out; HOW? That isn’t possible. No, you're not depressed, you're just going though teenage “drama.”"

Incorrect:"talking to your self."
Correct:"talking to yourself."

Incorrect:"with your self"
Correct:"with yourself"

Incorrect:"worst of all, your doing this"
Correct:"worst of all, you're doing this"

Incorrect:"Make it something inspiring, meaningful, and sincere. “Emery-The Secrete” very sad, NOW your getting somewhere."
Correct:"Make it something inspiring, meaningful, and sincere; "Emery - The Secret", very sad, now you're getting somewhere."

Incorrect:"Of coarse it’s going to be sad."
Correct:"Of course it's going to be sad."

Incorrect:"left and right. Starting to type"
Correct:"left and right; starting to type"

Incorrect:"you left it to last minuet."
Correct:"you left it to the last minute."

Incorrect:"lost cause, a no body, just"
Correct:"lost cause, a nobody, just"

Incorrect:"the next report card, you’re feature is going nowhere and your probably end up living in"
Correct:"the next report card. Your future is going nowhere and you're probably going to end up living in"

Incorrect:"at Mc Donald’s. “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?” you’re not going to work at Mc Donald’s or live in a garage."
Correct:"at McDonald’s. “What are you thinking,” you’re not going to work at McDonald’s or live in a garage."

Incorrect:"You wouldn’t let you self do that."
Correct:"You wouldn't let that happen to yourself."

Incorrect:"brain food. CHEESE ITS."
Correct:"brain food; Cheez-its."

Incorrect:"look at when you haven’t"
Correct:"look at what you haven’t"

Incorrect:"Wow, why is it like this."
Correct:"Wow, why is it like this?"

Incorrect:"you were better then this, but"
Correct:"you were better than this, but"

Incorrect:"You grandma will yell"
Correct:"Your grandma will yell"

Incorrect:"your cry some more."
Correct:"you'll cry some more."

Incorrect:"your back pack."
Correct:"your backpack."

Incorrect:" into a “in out sleep” Dreaming about how you were going to live in a garage and work in Mc Donald’s."
Correct:" into an “in-out sleep,” dreaming about how you were going to live in a garage and work at McDonald’s."

Incorrect:"But no, its not"
Correct:"But no, it's not"

Incorrect:"the “look” you hate the “look.”"
Correct:"the “look”; you hate the “look.”"

Incorrect:"you think your going"
Correct:"you think you're going"