(no subject)
So lately I've been too depressed to even paint or draw. I can't even look at my knitting needles anymore. I use to encourage some heavy emotion so I could express myself better on canvas or what not, but I feel I've taken an overdose.
But then again my spirits are lifting. I start school tomorrow and that will keep me busy and away from my painful thoughts of how lonely and pathetic I am. I feel like a whiner, but then again I just don't care anymore. It's true I need to get a life and stop worrying about my damn past. Here I am not solving any problems and walking around the house like the end is near.
Hopefully all my extra cardio activity and mental exercise will pull me out of this darkened rut. Plus I don't want to be a pale, over weight, loser when I go to see Andrea and Brian in SC.
Also, even though it's wrong and against many of my beliefs, being thinner and prettier always makes me feel a little happier. I should be slapped, but who hans't felt the same way? I mean we talk about not being shallow and never focusing on our exterior, but everyday we prep ourselves to leave the house, and we let out a sigh of discomfort if we find a zit or if our clothes don't fit the same.
Well, now that I've vented I can safely say that at this day and age no one should hold back from looking their best. Because by the time mid-life comes around the weight won't come off, and the wrinkles won't smooth. Unless you turn to surgery, but that's a different topic...
But then again my spirits are lifting. I start school tomorrow and that will keep me busy and away from my painful thoughts of how lonely and pathetic I am. I feel like a whiner, but then again I just don't care anymore. It's true I need to get a life and stop worrying about my damn past. Here I am not solving any problems and walking around the house like the end is near.
Hopefully all my extra cardio activity and mental exercise will pull me out of this darkened rut. Plus I don't want to be a pale, over weight, loser when I go to see Andrea and Brian in SC.
Also, even though it's wrong and against many of my beliefs, being thinner and prettier always makes me feel a little happier. I should be slapped, but who hans't felt the same way? I mean we talk about not being shallow and never focusing on our exterior, but everyday we prep ourselves to leave the house, and we let out a sigh of discomfort if we find a zit or if our clothes don't fit the same.
Well, now that I've vented I can safely say that at this day and age no one should hold back from looking their best. Because by the time mid-life comes around the weight won't come off, and the wrinkles won't smooth. Unless you turn to surgery, but that's a different topic...