(no subject)
Why does it surprise me that God knows me so well? That after I've ignord Him for weeks on end, pushing Him to the back of my mind, ignoreing Him even when I do hear Him, He pulls out a secret weapon... pulls something from your past that will rattle me back to my senses. Why did it surprise me that He knows exactly how to pull my strings? HE created me, damn right He knows me better than myself.
Two things stood out this week that I couldn't push out. At youth group, the message gave me chills. God didn't chose me because I believe in Him, He chose me because He believes in ME. How could that be? WHY?! Why would you put faith in someone trying so hard to shut you out? In someone who you tell to follow you, and once I step out on that water, i look down and don't believe that I too can walk on water, so I sink. And He reaches out and says "ye of little faith" but He does not mean faith in Him, He means in myself. That may sound like a load of gibberish to most, perhaps the only ones who can make sense of it will be Jen and Liz. I'm inarticulate.
The second thing that happened this week that stood out happened a few minutes ago in my room. Jen and I had just finished watching a movie, when she had the urge to share a song with me, knowing I'd love it. She was right. As the first few notes played something was triggered in me. The memory of that song was pushed far back in my mind and it took me a really long time to place it. I found myself singing along and confused that I couldn't remember where it was from, yet could sing the words. The second I realized what song it was tears flowed out of my eyes. The song dates back to my akward middle school years, possibly 6th grade even. Michelle Lyons (now Getman), my best friend at the time, had dedicated it to me. It's a song called Miracle. The speaker tells the person they sing it to that they are a miracle in her life, that her life was made better because that person was a part of it. When Michelle dedicated that song to me, it was the first time anyone had said something like that to me. Throughout the years I've heard it again, and each time it touched me in a way nothing else in this world could. I cried when I heard it tonight because I don't think I am that person anymore. I'm not that person that touches lives anymore, I contribute nothing to society. I've become one of the crowd, I've become complacent, I've become normal. When All my life I plead and plead for God to "change this something normal into something beautiful" (Jars of Clay), I've become just what I've always dreaded... normal.
I want to be somebody again. I want to change lives. I want to be a better person.
Rusty, (if you've read this far, I know the God stuff probably made you roll your eyes but get over it, it's who I am) when you asked me out you told me that I made you want to be a better person. Those words have been ringing in my ears for a few days, and I couldn't help but wonder if that was still true. I couldn't see anything in myself anymore that could inspire someone to want more out of their life. so, in an odd way, YOU've now helped inspire ME to be a better person. And we should keep running together. =)
while i'm spilling my guts, I miss Lauren like crazy today, too many things reminded me of her. I love her and miss her so much.
Two things stood out this week that I couldn't push out. At youth group, the message gave me chills. God didn't chose me because I believe in Him, He chose me because He believes in ME. How could that be? WHY?! Why would you put faith in someone trying so hard to shut you out? In someone who you tell to follow you, and once I step out on that water, i look down and don't believe that I too can walk on water, so I sink. And He reaches out and says "ye of little faith" but He does not mean faith in Him, He means in myself. That may sound like a load of gibberish to most, perhaps the only ones who can make sense of it will be Jen and Liz. I'm inarticulate.
The second thing that happened this week that stood out happened a few minutes ago in my room. Jen and I had just finished watching a movie, when she had the urge to share a song with me, knowing I'd love it. She was right. As the first few notes played something was triggered in me. The memory of that song was pushed far back in my mind and it took me a really long time to place it. I found myself singing along and confused that I couldn't remember where it was from, yet could sing the words. The second I realized what song it was tears flowed out of my eyes. The song dates back to my akward middle school years, possibly 6th grade even. Michelle Lyons (now Getman), my best friend at the time, had dedicated it to me. It's a song called Miracle. The speaker tells the person they sing it to that they are a miracle in her life, that her life was made better because that person was a part of it. When Michelle dedicated that song to me, it was the first time anyone had said something like that to me. Throughout the years I've heard it again, and each time it touched me in a way nothing else in this world could. I cried when I heard it tonight because I don't think I am that person anymore. I'm not that person that touches lives anymore, I contribute nothing to society. I've become one of the crowd, I've become complacent, I've become normal. When All my life I plead and plead for God to "change this something normal into something beautiful" (Jars of Clay), I've become just what I've always dreaded... normal.
I want to be somebody again. I want to change lives. I want to be a better person.
Rusty, (if you've read this far, I know the God stuff probably made you roll your eyes but get over it, it's who I am) when you asked me out you told me that I made you want to be a better person. Those words have been ringing in my ears for a few days, and I couldn't help but wonder if that was still true. I couldn't see anything in myself anymore that could inspire someone to want more out of their life. so, in an odd way, YOU've now helped inspire ME to be a better person. And we should keep running together. =)
while i'm spilling my guts, I miss Lauren like crazy today, too many things reminded me of her. I love her and miss her so much.