I told you, I told you I'd do it.
Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University annonce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla". Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an IQ of almost 85, and - most noteably - a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fanscinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are the commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?