Flash point.
Hallooooo... Here's hoping there are still some of you jagulars out there willing to drop on me when I look up.
In other news, yeah, work is scaring me. I don't feel like I'm taken seriously so I slack off which causes me to not be taken seriously. I do not feel respected by my equals in rank. My bosses write my ideas of as "being overly cautious," or just say, "don't worry about it." At the same time, I can't just ask them, "is this a 'you're too stupid so we'll handle it' version of don't worry about it or is it more of a 'shut up and do as I tell you' version?" Then I have days when the shows are going off back to back without a hitch and everyone just thinks I'm the Baby Jesus, Elvis Presley, Teddy Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln all rolled up into one. Sadly those days are becoming fewer and farther between and are only going to continue becoming more so with my move from this building into the coliseum for the summer. I don't want to be at the coliseum and the other supervisor doesn't want to be at my building, sadly she has no experience with changeovers at the coliseum so this is how things are going to play out until the company can hire a new person to replace my immediate boss. (He's the good one who always make me feel like I am getting heard and that my concerns are valid if not a little over-zealous.)
In happier news, I got to go to Jen's birthday party earlier this week and had a great time with new people who are friends with old friends. Games, sing-a-longs, and food. What more could a man ask for that doesn't involve taking off his pants? Better than that, once everyone had left and it was just Brian and I, we ended up cleaning up a bit but mostly just pontifically talking about anything and everything until 4 in the morning. You know those conversations that you feel fantastic about later but when asked couldn't tell anyone what was said? It was one of those glorious ones.
It is those shining moments that I hold onto these days because work is just a haze of "you're not good enough, get it done faster, do it cheaper, and do it now or you run the risk of getting fired." I think I now know how all of those crazily stressed 1950's nuclear power plant workers must have felt; guiding the world with bountiful energy while simultaneously trying to protect it from the blinding light of post-modernist consequences.
If I don't get a day off soon, I may just let the reactor melt down. To clarify, I mean a DAY off, not 24 hours where I am not in the building, but a whole day where no one can bother me and I am not expected to be at work, thinking about work, or even using the word "work" at all. I HAD 2 days off planned for Friday and Saturday but those became 2 blocks of 24 hours interrupted by work "emergencies." So I say again, melted reactor.