Naughty Nursery Rhymes
Spike’s decided that nursery and children’s rhymes needed spicing up a little, so he’s channelled some William and come up with his variations on some popular rhymes.
This is one of those very rare occasions that I’ve attempted to write something for the prompt, so my sincere apologies to all, cos I suck at writing!
Warnings: Corruption of nursery and children's rhymes and for me being just like William…a bloody awful poet! You have been warned!
NOT WORKSAFE.
Naughty Miss Willow - Spike's version of Little Miss Muffett
.
Naughty Miss Willow,
Her head on a pillow,
Lay naked and tied to the bed,
Along came a vampire,
Who came often inside her,
Spike loves to shag his witch, Red.
Linds McDonald had a ranch - Spike's version of Old MacDonald had a farm.
Linds McDonald had a ranch e-i-e-i-o,
And on his ranch he had a vamp e-i-e-i-o,
With a shag shag here and a shag shag there,
Here a shag there a shag, everywhere a shag shag,
Linds McDonald had a ranch e-i-e-i-o.
Angel had a little soul - Spike's version of Mary had a little lamb.
Angel had a little soul,
Not pure and white as snow.
For every where that Angel went,
Angelus was sure to go.
Lindsey’s jeans are falling down - Spike's version of London bridge is falling down.
Lindsey’s jeans are falling down,
falling down, falling down.
Lindsey’s jeans are falling down,
Ride that cowboy.
Lindsey’s jeans are off again,
off again, off again.
Lindsey’s jeans are off again,
Ride that cowboy.
Lube him up and thrust inside,
thrust inside, thrust inside,
Lube him up and thrust inside,
Ride that cowboy.
Spikey’s close and Linds is too,
Linds is too, Linds is too,
Spikey’s close and Linds is too,
Ride that cowboy.
Lindsey’s come and now he’s smug,
now he’s smug, now he’s smug,
Lindsey’s come and now he’s smug,
Ride that cowboy.
99 bottles of beer on the wall - Spike’s version.
99 bottles of beer on the wall,
99 bottles of beer,
If Spikey drinks a bottle of beer,
There’ll be 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
Grab a bottle and repeat.
(Much later…)
70 bottles of beer on the wall,
70 bottles of beer,
If Spikey drinks a bottle of beer,
There’ll be 69 bottles of beer on the wall.
Grab a cowboy and repeat.
69 bottles of beer on the wall,
And a “69” on the floor,
Spike and Lindsey are at it again,
Licking and sucking each other some more.
(Several gropes later}
Grab some lube and repeat.
35 bottles of beer on the wall,
And the cowboy's roped to the bed,
He's stripped and lubed and ready to ride,
Panting and moaning "harder" he said.
Grab a bottle and repeat.
(A few shags later)
20 bottles of beer on the wall,
And it's frottage against the door,
Spikey's close, oh there he goes...and
The cowboy's come in his pants once more.
Grab a vamp and repeat.
16 bottles of beer on the wall,
And the cowboy’s on his knees,
Angel’s buckin’ while Lindsey’s suckin’,
Spikey’s boy is so eager to please.
Grab a bottle and repeat.
14 bottles of beer on the wall,
And Angel's decided to stay,
Fingers crossed his demon's secure,
Angelus wasn't invited to play.
Grab a bottle and repeat.
(a short time later…)
Only one bottle of beer on the wall,
Only one bottle of beer,
If Lindsey drinks that bottle of beer,
Spike will nail his ass to the wall.