Was DPS For Real?
Everytime I write in here I'm so back and fourth. Me and Erica went to Dorina's Psychic Studio in Nashua today and I know the lady is just a bunch of hocus pocus to some people but she came straight out and told me that I have to let go of my past. I didn't say shit about him, she told me to let go and once I do that I'm going to be fine. And she said by the time he comes back its going to be too late. She said that we were in an abusive relationship and drugs or alchol were involved and I said that he used to drink. She asked me if he left for another girl and I said "I hope not...but who knows" Maybe she knows something I don't. She said I'll meet a guy and I'll only get married once w/ no seperations and I'll have 3 fucking kids! This guy better be fuckin awesome cuz I honestly don't see my ass squeezing out 3 kids! But she definatily told me to stay away from Adam. She even said that he's cheated in the past...I was just like HMMM well no big suprise. I can trust her more then I can trust him obviously, which is really sad but I mean look at whats hes doing. He said he was going to call and I haven't gotten one single phone call. Like his probation officer said "He'll tell you exatily what you wanna hear" So atleast me and Dorina aren't the only ones that believe that he lies. She said that I'm controlling and me and him had trust issues. Which is totally true. Me and Erica were talking about moving either to Flordia or Hawaii right before we got there and she said "whos planning on going to Flordia or taking a trip" and we were just like WOAH. Haha strange. What is also very strange is that she said I don't trust people easily..that I've been hurt by past friends (oh yeah they fucked my boyfriend) more then one friend. I believe it was 3 friends that fucked my boyfriends at some point in time. It was just strange some of the shit she was saying. See the thing about me is that I believe in True Love, I do. I want it more then anything. I don't mean now, but I want it in my life and I want the other person to feel the same way towards me, like I'm the only girl in this universe that was made for him and thats that. I'll tell you the truth, I thought Adam was that person for me because I felt so strongly for him, I know I didn't show it near the end but I did. I wouldv'e done anything for him, no matter what the fuck it was. He was my true love, I just wish he felt like that towards me, but he doesn't and if he did he wouldn't have been gone this long. A true love doesn't do this. So that only means one thing, then I guess I'm not his and therefor theres nothing to do then to sit back and wait for me to move on and get over this. I can't rush it, I wish I could cuz then I'd be over it now, but thats not how love works. And when I do move on I'm gonna pray that I never run into him. I don't think I could handle seeing him without breaking down crying or some dumb shit. I'd probably just look at him and look away as my stomach drops. But I have to get over this and once I do, moving on is in key because he's not coming back to me. I've honestly realized that..or maybe not but I'm trying really hard to admit that he's not coming back or something, i dunno. I want him to but he's not going to or I don't think he is, or maybe I have a little hope that he is. Soo I don't know which one to choose thats why I'm confused. For the both of us, its probably better to move on, he's cheated and lied to me so many times and many more times then I even know about and that mkes it so much more easier to leave and never come back but like I said before I see him as my true love and I can never ever give up on that. That doesn't come very often. She said that he manipulated me, which maybe he did because I can see how he does that to people, he has the power to do that. I either think Adam is overall extremely evil or he's just this sad little boy who's confused and runs and hides when things happen to him. Which either way fucking sucks. I don't know anymore, I don't know what to think anymore. My brain only thinks about this and how I'm going to pay the bills every month. All I should be worrying about is me. But its not that easy. I don't know weither to wait or leave? I don't know......I'm all done for tonight.....