End this, NOW!
So yeah. last Thursday I broke up with Cory. Then Friday night I was talking to him.. copy and pasted from R&R: I am so efffing sick of this. God, I thought he effing understood! But no, here he's sitting chatting to me, laying the guilt trip on and making me feel like shit! It's like god! He's laying all of his problems on my shoulders, I'm not going to put up with this! I'm seriously not! He's just being so effing immature, I can't stand it! If he is this immature over just like a break, maybe I don't want to get back together with him! I thought he could be mature and sensible about this, but no, he's being an ass, I don't want to put up with it. I don't have to. And now he's trying to effing appologize to me. In his xanga he did this whole thing talking about suicide or something ... dear lord.
Okay, pasted from Dec 6th:
This is going to probably sound really weird, but I don't care. I wish he would just effing leave me alone! Gah! All of my other bfs when we break up, they don't talk to me for a few months afterwards and everything is hunky-dory. But NO! He wont STOP talking to me! It is sooooooo annoying! Then if I attempt to ignore him he's like "What?! Where'd you go!? Come back! :'( " Blah blah blah, dear lord! I wanna still be friends with him, but at this rate I'm not sure that'll happen! You don't realize it when you're dating them, but they are so annoying! At least right now he's really freaking annoying. And I know that sounds horrible but it's the truth. And the whole point of breaking up with him was so that I could have some space and get away, but he's making that so effing difficult! I can't have space if he WONT GO AWAY! AGH! *pulls hair out* I want to sort my life out, take some time for myself, and he is just making this soooooooo hard. It's hurting me even more to keep doing this! I've practically been down-right cold to him, but he wont get the clue! >_< *sobs* I don't know what to do.
Then he said he's coming early tomorrow to 'get help on math,' but he said to just hang out too. I'm like if he's implying that he wants to hang out with me, well that's just too damm bad, I'll be as far away from you as I can. *Sobs* I just want space! Is that too much to ask?!
I am so sick of this. I'm so sick of all the immaturity. So sick of having all the guilt laid on me. I'd be okay if it were only the guilt of him being sad that we broke up, but no. It's guilt that 'his life sucks, his parents hate him, he's a worthless pile of poo.' to say the least. I'm so sick of him randomly lashing out at me, I don't have to effing take that! Then when I retaliate, I always end up the bad guy, because I'm the one who dumped him in the first place >__<;; well too gosh darn bad, that's life! I'm sorry but it is! Get over it! I know people are saying give him time, and I'm trying! I'm trying to ignore him, but then he just gets even more pissed off, so then when I do talk to him he's pissy and sarcastic and mean, and then lashes out at me more! I don't want to talk to him at all, but he still insists on it, and I can't take it. He keeps talking about how he needs help and stuff, and I think he's implying that I'm the only one who can help him. I don't mind helping him all that I can, but I'm not going to put up with the crap! Our friendship is slowly deteriorating, any hope is fading to black. I want to help him, I really do, but not at the sake of my own sanity.
He keeps trying to get closer to me, but no! I tell him I need space, but he just clings on more. I tell him I need the space and he gets pissed off and lashes out at me again. I'm trying to get away from him so that he can get over me (god that sounds so conceited) and then we can get on with our lives. But he is making it so effing difficult to do!
The thing I absolutally hate about all of this is the fact that everyone is pinning me the bad guy. I hate it. I'm sorry that I broke up with him! But come on! What the hell am I supposed to do? I don't have feelings for him anymore. I want him to get over me, and I don't know any other way than to ignore him and not talk to him for awhile. It's not my fault that everything else happened. And everyone's yelling at me and telling me to just give him time, but I'm effing trying and it's not working!
On top of it all, he's getting way too clingy and way too close. I think he's paranoid that I'm like seeing someone else. He is always asking me a million questions.. what was I doing, How did I get home, who I'm talking to blah blah blah. God, I'm so sick of it. He's so nosy! He asks about everything! It's none of his damn business. A lot of the stuff I wouldn't have told him even if we WERE still together!
And on top of it all, he's laying in bed crying right now. I can feel it. God damn empathy. I wouldn't be sitting here on the verge of tears if he weren't >__<;;. I have no other reason to be besides him.
Maybe this is just all my fault.
*cries* I just want this to be done.
----
/Cory Rants.
I forgot, while unloading the fruit for band, I went down to the loading dock at our school to get a dolly, and I was walking down the hall and I heard people talking in the loading dock and I walk around the corner and I thought I heard them saying my name, so I go in there and I'm like... "Someone say my name?" Walkin' in all proud n junk, and Lugi(My teacher) was like ... "Yeah, we said your name ..... if your name is Hand Truck." I started blushing so hard, so now he calls me Hand Truck *facepalm* Wonderful.
All of my muscles are so sore. My back is killing me. That's what I get for lifiting heavy boxes of fruit for two hours yesterday. I'm such a good little helper. I love to be in charge, and it was fun bossing the froshies around lol
*sigh* My math teacher has a bad impression of me. Since I've been gone like, half of the year, she doesn't know me and how I work and such. It doesn't help that she put me in a group of idiots to work with, out of the 4, it's only ever 2 of us who do anything. And since I was gone, I'm like 3 things behind and don't know whats going on. It's really hard to work when you don't know what's going on. She gave us recommendation slips for what math we should take next year, and it would either be circled "Alg/Geom 3", "Alg 2", or "No Math recommended" She only circled Alg/Geom 3, which I guess means she doesn't think I'd do well in Alg 2. Frankly, I am sick of this program. I really want to go to Alg 2/Trig(we have weird classes), but if she doesn't think I can do it... but it's almost like I don't try in this class because I'm too bored. Great, I'm turning in to my brother>_<;;
*Sobs* I don't know what to do. At max, we can take 7.5 credits a year. With the list of classes I want to take next year, I have 8.5 *sobs some more* I don't know what to do, and I don't want to drop any of the classes, except maybe French... but it looks better for colleges if you have more than just 3 years of language. *pouts* Er wait, I've had two years of high school language, but I'm in French 3 cuz of middle school... I don't know the stupid requirements. I should really find out what these school requirements are. Or if I should explore my options and try to get in to a higher ranked school.. though this school is one of the better ones around here.. *sobs* I just don't know. I don't know if I want to move away from home yet. God I'm only a sophmore and I'm sitting here worrying about this, pathetic.
So, does anyone know a good school for Psychology and English(writing and what-not)? The one I want to go to here is supposed to be good, but I just don't know. *sigh*
I talked to my history teacher today, and he's the one who teaches philosophy and psychology. There are two philosophy courses, each one semester and I want to take them both next year. And usually psych is just for seniors, but he said if I really want to take it next year I could probably do it *bounces* I'm so excited!
I sound like such a geek.
Okay, pasted from Dec 6th:
This is going to probably sound really weird, but I don't care. I wish he would just effing leave me alone! Gah! All of my other bfs when we break up, they don't talk to me for a few months afterwards and everything is hunky-dory. But NO! He wont STOP talking to me! It is sooooooo annoying! Then if I attempt to ignore him he's like "What?! Where'd you go!? Come back! :'( " Blah blah blah, dear lord! I wanna still be friends with him, but at this rate I'm not sure that'll happen! You don't realize it when you're dating them, but they are so annoying! At least right now he's really freaking annoying. And I know that sounds horrible but it's the truth. And the whole point of breaking up with him was so that I could have some space and get away, but he's making that so effing difficult! I can't have space if he WONT GO AWAY! AGH! *pulls hair out* I want to sort my life out, take some time for myself, and he is just making this soooooooo hard. It's hurting me even more to keep doing this! I've practically been down-right cold to him, but he wont get the clue! >_< *sobs* I don't know what to do.
Then he said he's coming early tomorrow to 'get help on math,' but he said to just hang out too. I'm like if he's implying that he wants to hang out with me, well that's just too damm bad, I'll be as far away from you as I can. *Sobs* I just want space! Is that too much to ask?!
I am so sick of this. I'm so sick of all the immaturity. So sick of having all the guilt laid on me. I'd be okay if it were only the guilt of him being sad that we broke up, but no. It's guilt that 'his life sucks, his parents hate him, he's a worthless pile of poo.' to say the least. I'm so sick of him randomly lashing out at me, I don't have to effing take that! Then when I retaliate, I always end up the bad guy, because I'm the one who dumped him in the first place >__<;; well too gosh darn bad, that's life! I'm sorry but it is! Get over it! I know people are saying give him time, and I'm trying! I'm trying to ignore him, but then he just gets even more pissed off, so then when I do talk to him he's pissy and sarcastic and mean, and then lashes out at me more! I don't want to talk to him at all, but he still insists on it, and I can't take it. He keeps talking about how he needs help and stuff, and I think he's implying that I'm the only one who can help him. I don't mind helping him all that I can, but I'm not going to put up with the crap! Our friendship is slowly deteriorating, any hope is fading to black. I want to help him, I really do, but not at the sake of my own sanity.
He keeps trying to get closer to me, but no! I tell him I need space, but he just clings on more. I tell him I need the space and he gets pissed off and lashes out at me again. I'm trying to get away from him so that he can get over me (god that sounds so conceited) and then we can get on with our lives. But he is making it so effing difficult to do!
The thing I absolutally hate about all of this is the fact that everyone is pinning me the bad guy. I hate it. I'm sorry that I broke up with him! But come on! What the hell am I supposed to do? I don't have feelings for him anymore. I want him to get over me, and I don't know any other way than to ignore him and not talk to him for awhile. It's not my fault that everything else happened. And everyone's yelling at me and telling me to just give him time, but I'm effing trying and it's not working!
On top of it all, he's getting way too clingy and way too close. I think he's paranoid that I'm like seeing someone else. He is always asking me a million questions.. what was I doing, How did I get home, who I'm talking to blah blah blah. God, I'm so sick of it. He's so nosy! He asks about everything! It's none of his damn business. A lot of the stuff I wouldn't have told him even if we WERE still together!
And on top of it all, he's laying in bed crying right now. I can feel it. God damn empathy. I wouldn't be sitting here on the verge of tears if he weren't >__<;;. I have no other reason to be besides him.
Maybe this is just all my fault.
*cries* I just want this to be done.
----
/Cory Rants.
I forgot, while unloading the fruit for band, I went down to the loading dock at our school to get a dolly, and I was walking down the hall and I heard people talking in the loading dock and I walk around the corner and I thought I heard them saying my name, so I go in there and I'm like... "Someone say my name?" Walkin' in all proud n junk, and Lugi(My teacher) was like ... "Yeah, we said your name ..... if your name is Hand Truck." I started blushing so hard, so now he calls me Hand Truck *facepalm* Wonderful.
All of my muscles are so sore. My back is killing me. That's what I get for lifiting heavy boxes of fruit for two hours yesterday. I'm such a good little helper. I love to be in charge, and it was fun bossing the froshies around lol
*sigh* My math teacher has a bad impression of me. Since I've been gone like, half of the year, she doesn't know me and how I work and such. It doesn't help that she put me in a group of idiots to work with, out of the 4, it's only ever 2 of us who do anything. And since I was gone, I'm like 3 things behind and don't know whats going on. It's really hard to work when you don't know what's going on. She gave us recommendation slips for what math we should take next year, and it would either be circled "Alg/Geom 3", "Alg 2", or "No Math recommended" She only circled Alg/Geom 3, which I guess means she doesn't think I'd do well in Alg 2. Frankly, I am sick of this program. I really want to go to Alg 2/Trig(we have weird classes), but if she doesn't think I can do it... but it's almost like I don't try in this class because I'm too bored. Great, I'm turning in to my brother>_<;;
*Sobs* I don't know what to do. At max, we can take 7.5 credits a year. With the list of classes I want to take next year, I have 8.5 *sobs some more* I don't know what to do, and I don't want to drop any of the classes, except maybe French... but it looks better for colleges if you have more than just 3 years of language. *pouts* Er wait, I've had two years of high school language, but I'm in French 3 cuz of middle school... I don't know the stupid requirements. I should really find out what these school requirements are. Or if I should explore my options and try to get in to a higher ranked school.. though this school is one of the better ones around here.. *sobs* I just don't know. I don't know if I want to move away from home yet. God I'm only a sophmore and I'm sitting here worrying about this, pathetic.
So, does anyone know a good school for Psychology and English(writing and what-not)? The one I want to go to here is supposed to be good, but I just don't know. *sigh*
I talked to my history teacher today, and he's the one who teaches philosophy and psychology. There are two philosophy courses, each one semester and I want to take them both next year. And usually psych is just for seniors, but he said if I really want to take it next year I could probably do it *bounces* I'm so excited!
I sound like such a geek.