bored
so im sitting home right now feeling pretty bored... my dad just left a couple minutes ago, he came to visit for a bit before leaving to pick arlene up.. so now im sitting here, updating, with the cat on my lap.. haha
anyway, i havent been up to much really.. the usual, all work and not much play :( i realized that i have a pretty boring life for a 23 yr old.. not good! sometimes its my fault tho, bc i would just be so tired and lazy and not really want to go out.. i have to be in the mood to go out, i cant force myself to go and try to be lively.. so thats that.. hmmm lets see.. oh, i went to visit dana last week! her mom (my new hairdresser, lol) trimmed my bangs for me and then i had dinner with the family and frank and then we all just hung out for a while. and hearing about dana and frank, and their kind of relationship makes me miss what i used to have with joe.. going to family events, being with him, going out with him.. etc.. i guess what im trying to say is i dont know how happy i am anymore with the way things are going.. a lot of people have given me somewhat similiar advice on the topic, but i dont think i am strong enough to face the truth.. i know what i want in a relationship and i dont have that stuff anymore. sometimes i wonder.. am i ever going to find what i am looking for? when we first dated everything was so perfect.. i thought i was truly going to be happy forever.. that this was it, this was who i was supposed to be with.. and a piece of me still feels that, but another part of me doesnt.. i think i really just need some good advice! maybe its me whos wrong with the relationship.. i dont think so, but i dont know. i see other people and how they are with each other, and we are just not that anymore. i am afraid to say something because i am afraid of being alone and possibly missing out on things that i really want in life. but like arlene said to me "the more time u waste with the wrong person, is more time missed being with the right person" or something like that.. maybe shes right... ? well i dont know.. this entry wasnt really meant to be all about me and joe, it just kind of happened that way.. but it felt good to get my feelings out there and vent.. now if i could only get it out to him maybe my life wouldnt be so difficult..
on top of all that, i have feelings for someone that i absolutely will never have anything with.. and i think they are pretty strong feelings.. what a mess right? let me just tell u, this guy is engaged and is getting married in 2 months! can someone please tell me why we always want the things we cannot have? sometimes i feel like he wont get married and we will have a relationship.. who thinks like that? what is wrong with me?! my god, i am not even drunk and i am telling all of u this shit! i am just in a very weird place in my life right now and i think i really just need to talk to someone..
umm.. since i have nothing more to update with i think i should go and think some more.. possibly? nah.. i think now is a good time for an alcoholic beverage..
anyway, i havent been up to much really.. the usual, all work and not much play :( i realized that i have a pretty boring life for a 23 yr old.. not good! sometimes its my fault tho, bc i would just be so tired and lazy and not really want to go out.. i have to be in the mood to go out, i cant force myself to go and try to be lively.. so thats that.. hmmm lets see.. oh, i went to visit dana last week! her mom (my new hairdresser, lol) trimmed my bangs for me and then i had dinner with the family and frank and then we all just hung out for a while. and hearing about dana and frank, and their kind of relationship makes me miss what i used to have with joe.. going to family events, being with him, going out with him.. etc.. i guess what im trying to say is i dont know how happy i am anymore with the way things are going.. a lot of people have given me somewhat similiar advice on the topic, but i dont think i am strong enough to face the truth.. i know what i want in a relationship and i dont have that stuff anymore. sometimes i wonder.. am i ever going to find what i am looking for? when we first dated everything was so perfect.. i thought i was truly going to be happy forever.. that this was it, this was who i was supposed to be with.. and a piece of me still feels that, but another part of me doesnt.. i think i really just need some good advice! maybe its me whos wrong with the relationship.. i dont think so, but i dont know. i see other people and how they are with each other, and we are just not that anymore. i am afraid to say something because i am afraid of being alone and possibly missing out on things that i really want in life. but like arlene said to me "the more time u waste with the wrong person, is more time missed being with the right person" or something like that.. maybe shes right... ? well i dont know.. this entry wasnt really meant to be all about me and joe, it just kind of happened that way.. but it felt good to get my feelings out there and vent.. now if i could only get it out to him maybe my life wouldnt be so difficult..
on top of all that, i have feelings for someone that i absolutely will never have anything with.. and i think they are pretty strong feelings.. what a mess right? let me just tell u, this guy is engaged and is getting married in 2 months! can someone please tell me why we always want the things we cannot have? sometimes i feel like he wont get married and we will have a relationship.. who thinks like that? what is wrong with me?! my god, i am not even drunk and i am telling all of u this shit! i am just in a very weird place in my life right now and i think i really just need to talk to someone..
umm.. since i have nothing more to update with i think i should go and think some more.. possibly? nah.. i think now is a good time for an alcoholic beverage..