Friendships
Here is the story of the degrading evolution of my friendships.
When I was little, all my friends are boys. When you're just a little kid, you're usually only allowed to play with the kids on your street. Well, my whole street only harboured boys near my age. Most were 1-3 years older. Once school started, I did get a bit of a girl-friends, but after school I would always play with the guys on my street. Because I had grown into sucha tomboy, I didn't get along too great with most of the girl in their little hot-pink or flower print tights, so I wouldn't play with them. I liked wrestling and playing foot hockey with the boys. They would compete over who would drive "Chrissy" in their power wheels. I was the cute girl who wasn't afraid to get dirty or talk to the guys. The girl with the beautiful dirty blonde hair and gorgeous smile. I was the girl most guys loved, but then my beautiful baby teeth fell out and they shyed away from my big buck teeth and my darkening hair. Who's to blame them. So there was a period where I didn't have many friends. I didn't fit in with the girls as usual, but the boys were no longer crazy about me. Soon I found someone that accepted me, even though I didn't like sailor moon and barbies. Ashley. The best friend I've ever had and ever will. I don't think she realized the impact she had on me in the early years. We weren't really close at first, she just did what she could to include me with the others. But I was happy to feel included for a change. I never really liked most of the girls, but again, I felt "cool".
The elementary years flew by. I saw girls switch best friends every few weeks, but me and Ashley remained close. We were at our closest in grade 6. She lived one street over from me, and we would often go to each others houses and sit on the porch talking until the sun went down. Talking about boys, friends, family and life. I remember when I liked Justin, she called and he said he liked me too but he had to go outside or something. (She was at my house) so she was saying she was gonna go over and talk to him, and i didn't want her to, so I put ketchup in her shoe. It sounds funny but she got really really mad at me for the first time ever. But when I looked outside a little while later, she was sitting on my curb holding her shoes in her hands. Hahaha i love that girl so much. In grade 7 the heartbreaking news came. She had to move. We cried so much, and spent as much time together as we could in the last days. She only moved over to another suburb, but none of us drove and would never be able to see each other as much as we used to. When she left, we would talk every day on the phone. We missed each other so much. But as the months went by, the phonecalls grew shorter and less frequent. Not purposely, and not cause either of us was better than the other, or put less effort, but just because time changes everything. She started to like things in oakville and got new friends who she would go out with, and so would I. But no matter how long we go without talking, we have this unsurpassable understanding and connection. She is the only friend I've had that I've never felt jealous about, or any negative feelings whatsoever. I just love her so much. I feel like she's always here.
In grade 8, my closest friends were Anna, Candace and Keshia. I remember we were like our own little crew. It was awesome. We were popular, but totally unaware of it, cuz we didn't try to be. We were in a comfort zone with each other which was cool, and everyone liked us and respected us for it. I think we were the most mature people in our grade. I think Anna and Keshia started paying attention to me because I was suddenly beginning to be prettier, as the boobs kicked in, the hair hilites started, and the braces closed the gap between my front teeth. Candace was aweome tho. I respected her so much because she always spoke her mind and never cared what other people thought about it. I also felt for her because the boy that she loved for so long, Matthew Simas, never liked her back. He was crazy about Anna. So of course Anna and Candace's friendship was always on the rocks. My best friend of grade 8 though would have to be Miss Martelli. I know how gay it sounds that I was so close to a teacher, but I won't deny it because it's what's true. She was fresh out of university and we were her first class. She was so beautiful and intelligent, and I really looked up to her. I started spending my recesses inside, helping her out, and we soon grew close. She was amazed by how mature I was, and she helped me mature more as well. When the end of the year came, we were so close, only God knows how many tears we cried. I wanted her to be my confirmation godmother, but we both decided it would be best if I chose someone closer, and someone familial who I would always have that relation to, which was painful at the time but the best decision. I chose my cousin Reg (regina) who I love to death and look up to so much. I have no regrets of picking her because she is beautiful, smart and funny. She's so upbeat and social but yet intelligent and mature.. I really do idolize her. Grade 8 was an awesome year for me though. I won Student of the Year, Valedictorian and the French award, which I was very honoured by. I think that was the first time I felt very appreciated and that people actually did like me. Everyone complimented my speech, the adults as well as my peers. Some people started crying during the speech, because I addressed a lot of specific events and funny things that happened. It was all good fun. Then high school came. The extreme changes I would never expect.
Grade 9 was a decent year. I was focused mostly on my studies however, and was probably considered a geek. Not a super duper computer geek, because most people liked talkin to me. It's just that I didn't wear tight pants and I had braces, and had one of the highest averages in the school. So the year was quiet. Towards the end, things changed though. I became best friends with a girl named madeline, who was pretty much the most popular girl in our grade, and one of the most popular in the whole school. This friendship was a brutal one tho. It was shortlived, but the end result brought me a lot of revalations as well as pain. It was a well-known fact that madeline switched best friends every few months. I chose to deny it, thinking that me and her would be best friends forever. That could never happen though. She was a big time liar. I was miss honesty. She was determined to change if it would please. I was determined to be myself. I was flaming jealous of all the boys who drooled over her, and she did everything to worsen the jealousy so she could feel cooler and superior. So by the summer, the friendship burned out, and even turned to hate and a minor fight in grade 10. Grade 10 was a crazy year tho. I went through my blossoming stage during the summer. The hair kept getting blonder, I was discovering my style, and the braces were gone. I used less makeup than in grade 9- thing is, in grade 10, I learned how to use it better and not have to use half as much. Suddenly, everyone wanted to talk me. They wanted my phone number and e-mail. People I barely knew would hug me every time they saw me. I got secret admirer notes and gifts in my lockers. The girls would come up to me and tell me how beautiful I was. It was horrible and superficial, but I got sucked in. Halfway through the year, I found myself as the leader of a dreaded "clique". We called ourselves the skittles. It's so gay now I know, but to us it was our lives. My grades slipped quite a bit, but it didn't matter to me at the time. I also stopped playing guitar, which I had taken up in grade 8. My friends told me I'd look hotter with nice nails. Plus I didn't have time to play, I was always busy getting ready to go to the mall or movies or house parties. It all happened so fast. We even spent new years night together at my house and promised to be best friends forever. We had some good moments. True, sincere love and friendship moments. But that wasn't wat the "clique" was based on. It was based on popularity and superficiality. One day I suddenly started realizing this. I was sorta disgusted. Disgusted with how we were dressing, how we were acting. All the gossip was starting to cave me in. I felt like the inside of me meant nothing to no one, and all that mattered was the outside. So I stopped dressing like a slut in training, and detached myself a bit from the skittles. Literally, in a matter of a week, they had two new girls. It was so awkward. Ana and sonia moved on, but Anna P tried to stay close to me. It was weird tho because she wanted to stay friends with me and be part of the skittle crew, but I didn't want to hear of it. There was a time where she almost officially left too, but she couldn't. Anna is a girl that has to be loved by everyone to be happy, and she would rather settle for everyone liking her but gossiping about her than to have a few true friends. So she slowly turned the opposite way and got sucked in so bad. She's nothing like the Anna I knew in grade 8 now. She only cares about looks now.. she's too lost to be saved. I guess I can't do anything and have to let her learn and grow up on her own. The end of grade 10 was an awkward one for me. I clung to boys. The boys were never as judgemental as the girls, and they did like me. I did find a few decent guys who made good friends and who I could hang out with (most of them weren't that great however), and we all know that most hi school relationships aren't very long-lasting. So now it's summer and I'm more detached from my friends than ever. I still talk to ashley of course tho, she's my best friend forever. But around here, I don't really have anyone to talk to. I am thankful for online buddies and my older unversity-aged co-workers. Everyone I meet thinks I'm so mature and never believe I'm only 16. It's a compliment, but at the same time, is painful in that it sets me far apart from my peers. I can't relate to any of them. We don't have any of the same beliefs, views or even musical interests. Right now I'm on more of a search for a true friend than a boyfriend (that's what most girls my age are looking for, because they think they know who all their true friends are). But besides that, I'd have to say I'm really happy with who I am and where I am. I've acheieved sucha a comfort place right now. I'm not deperessed about my looks or boys. Things with family are decent. I wake up to listen to music, write songs and play my guitar. I don't go out 1/6ths as much as I used to because I'm alienated from my "friends", but it's ok. I haven't really talked to anyone about this... I'm hoping to focus on music, community work and my studies for the rest of high school, and I hope to meet a lot of new, different people when I go to university. Having that to look forward to helps me stay optomistic. And there's always the chance that some people in my school will grow up. But yeah.. I know this was really long. I don't really expect anyone to read all of it, it's just something I needed to write out to get out of my system. This is nothing really, I would consider this a brief summary. I would write more if I wanted to, but my wrist hurts and I don't care much for unnecessary details. <3 Peace out hommies
When I was little, all my friends are boys. When you're just a little kid, you're usually only allowed to play with the kids on your street. Well, my whole street only harboured boys near my age. Most were 1-3 years older. Once school started, I did get a bit of a girl-friends, but after school I would always play with the guys on my street. Because I had grown into sucha tomboy, I didn't get along too great with most of the girl in their little hot-pink or flower print tights, so I wouldn't play with them. I liked wrestling and playing foot hockey with the boys. They would compete over who would drive "Chrissy" in their power wheels. I was the cute girl who wasn't afraid to get dirty or talk to the guys. The girl with the beautiful dirty blonde hair and gorgeous smile. I was the girl most guys loved, but then my beautiful baby teeth fell out and they shyed away from my big buck teeth and my darkening hair. Who's to blame them. So there was a period where I didn't have many friends. I didn't fit in with the girls as usual, but the boys were no longer crazy about me. Soon I found someone that accepted me, even though I didn't like sailor moon and barbies. Ashley. The best friend I've ever had and ever will. I don't think she realized the impact she had on me in the early years. We weren't really close at first, she just did what she could to include me with the others. But I was happy to feel included for a change. I never really liked most of the girls, but again, I felt "cool".
The elementary years flew by. I saw girls switch best friends every few weeks, but me and Ashley remained close. We were at our closest in grade 6. She lived one street over from me, and we would often go to each others houses and sit on the porch talking until the sun went down. Talking about boys, friends, family and life. I remember when I liked Justin, she called and he said he liked me too but he had to go outside or something. (She was at my house) so she was saying she was gonna go over and talk to him, and i didn't want her to, so I put ketchup in her shoe. It sounds funny but she got really really mad at me for the first time ever. But when I looked outside a little while later, she was sitting on my curb holding her shoes in her hands. Hahaha i love that girl so much. In grade 7 the heartbreaking news came. She had to move. We cried so much, and spent as much time together as we could in the last days. She only moved over to another suburb, but none of us drove and would never be able to see each other as much as we used to. When she left, we would talk every day on the phone. We missed each other so much. But as the months went by, the phonecalls grew shorter and less frequent. Not purposely, and not cause either of us was better than the other, or put less effort, but just because time changes everything. She started to like things in oakville and got new friends who she would go out with, and so would I. But no matter how long we go without talking, we have this unsurpassable understanding and connection. She is the only friend I've had that I've never felt jealous about, or any negative feelings whatsoever. I just love her so much. I feel like she's always here.
In grade 8, my closest friends were Anna, Candace and Keshia. I remember we were like our own little crew. It was awesome. We were popular, but totally unaware of it, cuz we didn't try to be. We were in a comfort zone with each other which was cool, and everyone liked us and respected us for it. I think we were the most mature people in our grade. I think Anna and Keshia started paying attention to me because I was suddenly beginning to be prettier, as the boobs kicked in, the hair hilites started, and the braces closed the gap between my front teeth. Candace was aweome tho. I respected her so much because she always spoke her mind and never cared what other people thought about it. I also felt for her because the boy that she loved for so long, Matthew Simas, never liked her back. He was crazy about Anna. So of course Anna and Candace's friendship was always on the rocks. My best friend of grade 8 though would have to be Miss Martelli. I know how gay it sounds that I was so close to a teacher, but I won't deny it because it's what's true. She was fresh out of university and we were her first class. She was so beautiful and intelligent, and I really looked up to her. I started spending my recesses inside, helping her out, and we soon grew close. She was amazed by how mature I was, and she helped me mature more as well. When the end of the year came, we were so close, only God knows how many tears we cried. I wanted her to be my confirmation godmother, but we both decided it would be best if I chose someone closer, and someone familial who I would always have that relation to, which was painful at the time but the best decision. I chose my cousin Reg (regina) who I love to death and look up to so much. I have no regrets of picking her because she is beautiful, smart and funny. She's so upbeat and social but yet intelligent and mature.. I really do idolize her. Grade 8 was an awesome year for me though. I won Student of the Year, Valedictorian and the French award, which I was very honoured by. I think that was the first time I felt very appreciated and that people actually did like me. Everyone complimented my speech, the adults as well as my peers. Some people started crying during the speech, because I addressed a lot of specific events and funny things that happened. It was all good fun. Then high school came. The extreme changes I would never expect.
Grade 9 was a decent year. I was focused mostly on my studies however, and was probably considered a geek. Not a super duper computer geek, because most people liked talkin to me. It's just that I didn't wear tight pants and I had braces, and had one of the highest averages in the school. So the year was quiet. Towards the end, things changed though. I became best friends with a girl named madeline, who was pretty much the most popular girl in our grade, and one of the most popular in the whole school. This friendship was a brutal one tho. It was shortlived, but the end result brought me a lot of revalations as well as pain. It was a well-known fact that madeline switched best friends every few months. I chose to deny it, thinking that me and her would be best friends forever. That could never happen though. She was a big time liar. I was miss honesty. She was determined to change if it would please. I was determined to be myself. I was flaming jealous of all the boys who drooled over her, and she did everything to worsen the jealousy so she could feel cooler and superior. So by the summer, the friendship burned out, and even turned to hate and a minor fight in grade 10. Grade 10 was a crazy year tho. I went through my blossoming stage during the summer. The hair kept getting blonder, I was discovering my style, and the braces were gone. I used less makeup than in grade 9- thing is, in grade 10, I learned how to use it better and not have to use half as much. Suddenly, everyone wanted to talk me. They wanted my phone number and e-mail. People I barely knew would hug me every time they saw me. I got secret admirer notes and gifts in my lockers. The girls would come up to me and tell me how beautiful I was. It was horrible and superficial, but I got sucked in. Halfway through the year, I found myself as the leader of a dreaded "clique". We called ourselves the skittles. It's so gay now I know, but to us it was our lives. My grades slipped quite a bit, but it didn't matter to me at the time. I also stopped playing guitar, which I had taken up in grade 8. My friends told me I'd look hotter with nice nails. Plus I didn't have time to play, I was always busy getting ready to go to the mall or movies or house parties. It all happened so fast. We even spent new years night together at my house and promised to be best friends forever. We had some good moments. True, sincere love and friendship moments. But that wasn't wat the "clique" was based on. It was based on popularity and superficiality. One day I suddenly started realizing this. I was sorta disgusted. Disgusted with how we were dressing, how we were acting. All the gossip was starting to cave me in. I felt like the inside of me meant nothing to no one, and all that mattered was the outside. So I stopped dressing like a slut in training, and detached myself a bit from the skittles. Literally, in a matter of a week, they had two new girls. It was so awkward. Ana and sonia moved on, but Anna P tried to stay close to me. It was weird tho because she wanted to stay friends with me and be part of the skittle crew, but I didn't want to hear of it. There was a time where she almost officially left too, but she couldn't. Anna is a girl that has to be loved by everyone to be happy, and she would rather settle for everyone liking her but gossiping about her than to have a few true friends. So she slowly turned the opposite way and got sucked in so bad. She's nothing like the Anna I knew in grade 8 now. She only cares about looks now.. she's too lost to be saved. I guess I can't do anything and have to let her learn and grow up on her own. The end of grade 10 was an awkward one for me. I clung to boys. The boys were never as judgemental as the girls, and they did like me. I did find a few decent guys who made good friends and who I could hang out with (most of them weren't that great however), and we all know that most hi school relationships aren't very long-lasting. So now it's summer and I'm more detached from my friends than ever. I still talk to ashley of course tho, she's my best friend forever. But around here, I don't really have anyone to talk to. I am thankful for online buddies and my older unversity-aged co-workers. Everyone I meet thinks I'm so mature and never believe I'm only 16. It's a compliment, but at the same time, is painful in that it sets me far apart from my peers. I can't relate to any of them. We don't have any of the same beliefs, views or even musical interests. Right now I'm on more of a search for a true friend than a boyfriend (that's what most girls my age are looking for, because they think they know who all their true friends are). But besides that, I'd have to say I'm really happy with who I am and where I am. I've acheieved sucha a comfort place right now. I'm not deperessed about my looks or boys. Things with family are decent. I wake up to listen to music, write songs and play my guitar. I don't go out 1/6ths as much as I used to because I'm alienated from my "friends", but it's ok. I haven't really talked to anyone about this... I'm hoping to focus on music, community work and my studies for the rest of high school, and I hope to meet a lot of new, different people when I go to university. Having that to look forward to helps me stay optomistic. And there's always the chance that some people in my school will grow up. But yeah.. I know this was really long. I don't really expect anyone to read all of it, it's just something I needed to write out to get out of my system. This is nothing really, I would consider this a brief summary. I would write more if I wanted to, but my wrist hurts and I don't care much for unnecessary details. <3 Peace out hommies