What do you do?
What do you do when you can't get a handle on your emotions? When everything seems to either piss you off or hurt your feelings? I used to come here and write about everything, it really was practically therapeutic. Maybe I haven't been here as much because things really have been pretty good, and the things that aren't that great are so redundant they don't seem worth complaining about. I mean hell I am broke all of the time and I'm used to that. At least I have a good job, my kids are in good health, and I have a roof over my head. I've got a good man that loves me. We've been trying to get healthier - exercise more and quit smoking. Somewhere along the line though I developed this fear that he wouldn't want to be with me anymore, but that he would stay because he doesn't have it in him to hurt me by going. Is that warped? Am I so twisted inside that I can't even believe a great guy would really want to stay with me? Like he had a weak moment or something and now he can't escape. Maybe some of this is nicotine deprivation talking. After all it is almost 1:30AM and I am contemplating getting dressed and going to Wawa. I don't think I can survive a night without nicotine, chocolate, or sex! What the fuck was I looking forward to the weekend for? I am so frustrated. Hell Mike's asleep next to the nightstand that has the vibrator in it. I have no detachable shower head anymore. I have on these uncomfortable satin and lace underwear that I now remember why I never wear them. They are impractical and they give me a wedgie, but I put them on because they were different from the every day boring old underwear and I thought SOMEONE might get a rise out of the different tactile sense. Oh well. I thought if I typed it out I would feel better, but mostly I still feel frustrated and on edge. Hope this is just withdrawal and that it passes quickly.