life is a game and true love is a trophy
It'll soon be getting colder than it is now. That rain will be turning into snow. Those zip-ups will be replaced with coats. We'll have to start our cars in the morning. Red noses. Warm fireplaces. It's all coming and it'll be here before we know it. It's the most depressing time for me. I love everything about winter. Except that, I've got no one to share it with. I've just got sad memories and people I love but don't know it. I have things that will never be but I just keep dreaming about them, wishing they would happen for just a little while. I think I just need a little to keep me going. I'm starting to run out of fake smiles and "I'm fine's" when I'm not fine. I'm not fine and I don't think I ever have been 100%. I just keep saying how happy I am for all my friends when they're happy. I listen to everyone's problems even though I can only focus on my own. I try to sympathize with my friends' problems when in the back of my mind I'm thinking about how my situation is worse. Maybe I'm just whining.
Or maybe I'm just waiting for something better to happen. Maybe I've found it already. I can't listen to "You've got your whole life to find someone to love and love you". I can't help but think of Brad or Ryan who died at the age of 20. That's less than two years away for me. You don't know what will happen tomorrow. I want to experience love as if my time is quickly running out, because it very well might be. I'm not exactly searching for a huge commitment, a relationship, just experience. Getting to share time with people I love and care about and have feelings for. I just want to have a little, and see where that takes it all. If it goes nowhere or somewhere, at least I will know. The worst thing is not knowing. Always wondering what if. At least if it doesn't work, I'll have a better reason to be sad.
I know I'll move out of here in a few years. I know I'll meet new people and develop friendships, relationships, fall in love, etc. But what about right now?
Or maybe I'm just waiting for something better to happen. Maybe I've found it already. I can't listen to "You've got your whole life to find someone to love and love you". I can't help but think of Brad or Ryan who died at the age of 20. That's less than two years away for me. You don't know what will happen tomorrow. I want to experience love as if my time is quickly running out, because it very well might be. I'm not exactly searching for a huge commitment, a relationship, just experience. Getting to share time with people I love and care about and have feelings for. I just want to have a little, and see where that takes it all. If it goes nowhere or somewhere, at least I will know. The worst thing is not knowing. Always wondering what if. At least if it doesn't work, I'll have a better reason to be sad.
I know I'll move out of here in a few years. I know I'll meet new people and develop friendships, relationships, fall in love, etc. But what about right now?