Choosing problems carefully.
I haven't felt all that compelled to write something this week, a lot has happened but nothing really changes. I'm in a relationship (4 months strong) and it reconstructed my mindset to place it in front of all priorities. We nearly ended the relationship less than 100 hours ago, but I've found after using verbal constraint, halting the gush of cruel words and seemingly unavoidable problems, none of it mattered. Nothing is ever a problem unless you make it a problem.
Problems are inevitable, there can never be a problem free relationship. Between friends, family, lovers, everyone. So all that we can do is choose carefully which problems affect us most. Dispose all the trivial disputes and tackle the problems you feel like you can't confront alone. I have a fear of being old, in my deathbed and reflecting on my life finding only trivial problems that I clung onto so dearly and with such passion. Wasted passion. Wasted time. A complete waste. Why be miserable and hold onto a pointless dispute when you could share a moment of being happy? If we were conscious of this more often we would be happier people.
Less than 100 hours ago I said that someone deserved better than me. That I just wanted them to be happy because I felt that I was bringing them down. I realize now that I shouldn't think for the other person, I should tend to my own needs as well. If to love is to let something free then I will do that. But I was loving while pushing away, which is significantly different. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it goes. A timeless, well-known saying that rings true. I'm never going to get used to my relationship, I hope I never do. I hope it keeps me busy and gives me something to work on, something to laugh and cry about, something engraved with a spark. I hope it keeps going through highs and lows, and forever shared with the person I love.
My life is one long learning curve. I make mistakes. A lot. I have personal attributes that I try to alter and amend. I'm proud of myself. There are times when I'm not, but I am. I'm trying.
Problems are inevitable, there can never be a problem free relationship. Between friends, family, lovers, everyone. So all that we can do is choose carefully which problems affect us most. Dispose all the trivial disputes and tackle the problems you feel like you can't confront alone. I have a fear of being old, in my deathbed and reflecting on my life finding only trivial problems that I clung onto so dearly and with such passion. Wasted passion. Wasted time. A complete waste. Why be miserable and hold onto a pointless dispute when you could share a moment of being happy? If we were conscious of this more often we would be happier people.
Less than 100 hours ago I said that someone deserved better than me. That I just wanted them to be happy because I felt that I was bringing them down. I realize now that I shouldn't think for the other person, I should tend to my own needs as well. If to love is to let something free then I will do that. But I was loving while pushing away, which is significantly different. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it goes. A timeless, well-known saying that rings true. I'm never going to get used to my relationship, I hope I never do. I hope it keeps me busy and gives me something to work on, something to laugh and cry about, something engraved with a spark. I hope it keeps going through highs and lows, and forever shared with the person I love.
My life is one long learning curve. I make mistakes. A lot. I have personal attributes that I try to alter and amend. I'm proud of myself. There are times when I'm not, but I am. I'm trying.