It is time to update....
the problem is that I am not sure what is should type. well...lets bitch. That is always fun. So, I am starting to hate my job here. For one, they always seem to schedule me on the most inconvenient days. Two, people there are uptight, stuck-up and have no personality what-so-ever. They seriously have no idea how to have a good time at work. I may apply other places this week. I need to get out of the grocery business...I am too good for it. I have been sick for the last week. I bet I could fill a gallon jug of flem and snot with as many times I have blown my nose and hocked something up. Gross you say? Well, drink it...I dont care. You know what sux about my life....deep down...I have no idea what I want in life. I keep asking myself....do I really belong here? Did I make the right decisions in my past? Yeah I know, you don't have to reply to this and tell me some mistakes I did. I know....and I continue to make mistakes...that is how EVERYBODY is....nobody is perfect...nobody can be perfect. But I think of some things that happened in the past and I am just wondering if I would of took it a different way...if I would of opened my heart and not tried to be a self-riteous ass all the time...would I be here in Illinois....would I be at ISU...would I be still with a special someone that I know that could of gave me everything I needed in a person...and myself. I know I had chances for as perfect as it can get more than once....maybe three times that I can recall. Sad isnt it. I dont ever want to settle for second best....sometimes...I feel so discontent and so alone...i feel like I may have to. Why is there always forks in the road of life? the negative way always seems more sweet and fun....but then in the longrun...it bites you in the ass....it does me everyday. I guess it could be worse...yeah...i guess I still have some optimism and faith in me....I guess whatever way I end up in a few years...in the very end...I know I will be....ok;)