(no subject)

[blldood]

the past week has been really crazy first i worked almost every day on friday i worked 15 and a half hours and ended the week with 57 hours thats 7 more than my manager but i cant help but feel im wasting my time in kfc like i should be doing something bigger other than stupid chicken but everyday wen i get off i get to see my horse wich is awesome cuz she is awesome the other day i went over and just jumped on her and fell asleep and i woke up to tys dad asking me what i was doing and i didnt realize that i fell asleep on her she wasnt tied up she didnt have a rope on her if she wanted to she could run and i would have no power to stop her but she didnt she just sat there and ate and walked around a little wen i got off i gave her a huge huge she like to be held with my arms around her nose and it feels good to give hugs to her or anything for that matter then the next day a dad and his little girls were walking by her pen right as i pulled up and they stoped and looked in her pen and the little girls called out horsie and she came running up and lets them pet her and she held perfectly still i just watched her and how well she treated the little girls she didnt do nething to scare them and she was so gentle i dint want to sy nething to them or to disrupt them so i just watched as they walked away and i felt so happy that she was mine one time mr hermanski told us that animals dont have the ability to love but it cant be true my mom got in a car wreck the other night i dont know wen the last time i was so angry was i wanted to go pick her up and attack the people she got in a wreck with how could someone as perfect as my mom get in a wrecka nd it definatly wasnt her fault but wen i got there the other cars had drove off and she was in her car crying i have never felt so empty inside looking at her car it looked ok but i guess its totaled she said wen she got the ticket for some reason it brought back the memory of her brother and how he lost to cancer and she just lost it what can you do wen you cant do anything? now im the only one with a car and m always using it for work or something else i want so bad to help my mom in everything she has to go through its not fair all she does and has to deal with and all she has dealt with. recently ive been crying wich is a new thing for me cuz i never cry especially in front of others but like a week ago i came home and just went crazy my mom was there for me in a way that i couldnt be there for her i felt guilty for that ive been living my life alone my whole life keeping my feelings and emotions to myself and god thats not hte way to live its to hard to hold in all that fraw feeling i dont want to share though because all it will bring me is pitty i guess thats the real reason i love my horse and dogs they listen and dont think any different of you after you have said something but i dont think im really talking to them. i love the lord of the rings especially then end of the 2nd one because it has this quote
its like in the great stories mr frodo the ones that really mattered full of darkness and danger they were and sometimes you didnt want to know the end beacause how could the end be happy how could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened but in the end its only a passing thing the shadow even darkness must pass a new day will come and when the sun shines itll shine out the clearer those are stories that stayed with you that meant somethin even if you were to small to understand why but i think i understand i know now folk in those stories had lotsa chances of turnin back only they didnt they kept goin cuz they were holdin onto somethin. What are we holding onto sam? that theres some good in this world mr frodo and its worth fighting for.