just going through the motions
I've been having this mood lately where I want to bury myself in blankets and hide. The idea of leaving the house just sounds like a horrible, uncomfortable plan, even though I know intellectually that some things I leave the house for are worthwhile and I would enjoy myself once I was there. But doing the dance to convince myself every time is exhausting, and it's not working for anything that involves advance planning or overnight stays.
Things that I'm pretty sure are contributing to this meh include:
1. Winter. In fact, I can look back to previous years of LJing and see similar sentiments that tell me these are pretty normal feelings for this stage of winter.
2. The house. We planned to get some house windows replaced, and so moved a bunch of furniture and put things in disarray in preparation, and then the job got postponed for a couple weeks until Not In A Snowstorm time. Which means there is still disarray everywhere, and that along with the rest of the house which is usually in disarray means my areas of order are few and far between, and there's only so much cleaning the kitchen I can stand. I feel unsettled and jarred and like there's nowhere to relax here.
Despite all the meh, I'm not actually feeling down, which I'm glad for, and I'm pretty sure this is contributed to by:
1. Sun and warmth. We've had TWO days in the last week with a lot of sun, which is doing a decent job of melting the sheets of solid ice across many of the sidewalks around here. And I have successfully built up my collection a bunch of warm fuzzy things to wear so I'm never actually cold, despite the stupid low temps. And electric mattress pads and a ton of bed blankets makes sleeping really nice.
2. Exercise. I'm not biking or running due to the stupid ice, but I'm managing to carve out some minimal exercise time, and I'm pretty sure that's doing a lot towards keeping me stable, if not optimal.
I know of things that could help even more, unfortunately most of them involve time. In a week, the current house project should be done and I can get back to putting things in order. In another week to month I may find some days without frozen stuff on the ground and can get in some running. In another two months I will get significantly more sunlight.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to write, make some time to read, try to plan or work on some smaller projects I want to do, drink lots of tea, and be patient.
Things that I'm pretty sure are contributing to this meh include:
1. Winter. In fact, I can look back to previous years of LJing and see similar sentiments that tell me these are pretty normal feelings for this stage of winter.
2. The house. We planned to get some house windows replaced, and so moved a bunch of furniture and put things in disarray in preparation, and then the job got postponed for a couple weeks until Not In A Snowstorm time. Which means there is still disarray everywhere, and that along with the rest of the house which is usually in disarray means my areas of order are few and far between, and there's only so much cleaning the kitchen I can stand. I feel unsettled and jarred and like there's nowhere to relax here.
Despite all the meh, I'm not actually feeling down, which I'm glad for, and I'm pretty sure this is contributed to by:
1. Sun and warmth. We've had TWO days in the last week with a lot of sun, which is doing a decent job of melting the sheets of solid ice across many of the sidewalks around here. And I have successfully built up my collection a bunch of warm fuzzy things to wear so I'm never actually cold, despite the stupid low temps. And electric mattress pads and a ton of bed blankets makes sleeping really nice.
2. Exercise. I'm not biking or running due to the stupid ice, but I'm managing to carve out some minimal exercise time, and I'm pretty sure that's doing a lot towards keeping me stable, if not optimal.
I know of things that could help even more, unfortunately most of them involve time. In a week, the current house project should be done and I can get back to putting things in order. In another week to month I may find some days without frozen stuff on the ground and can get in some running. In another two months I will get significantly more sunlight.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to write, make some time to read, try to plan or work on some smaller projects I want to do, drink lots of tea, and be patient.