gotta tend the earth if you want a rose
It's time once again for the turning of seasons. The sun will be traveling the middle path, giving us equal amounts of light and dark. And, of course, bringing the season where people go outside, things come alive, and the world wakes up. And in some places, it means sales and spring cleaning.
I'm taking a more theoretical approach to spring cleaning, by looking at a few little internal things I want to spruce up a little. I'm describing them here to help me understand my purpose, and to remind me of the goals I hope to achieve.
I want to start using profanity more deliberately. My word choice here is deliberate, though it may sound odd. It's not that I think I should swear more or less, but that I specifically want to be conscious about doing it, when I do. I'm thinking specifically about the usual four-letter swear words that would get my children in trouble if they used them at school. A subtext of this to keep in mind is that some day, I also want to talk to them specifically about intentional and appropriate usage.
I grew up in a private elementary school and weekly Sunday school, and had it fully ingrained in me that "those" words were bad. I also never heard them in my daily environment, so it was easy for me to leave out swear words entirely from my vocabulary. However, with such a stigma against them, every instance I saw of a swear word stood out to me like red blink text. It wasn't until I came to college that I starting hearing and seeing profanity in a more casual context, and I realized that the mere act of banning it gave those words more power.
My experimentation with using profanity went a similar route of learning how to give hugs. Through trial and error, I learned that, like smileys, there were situations where it could be inappropriate or offensive, and situations where it wasn't. I settled to a place where I could choose to do so, or choose to not.
But lately, I've observed myself swearing without realizing it, and occasionally using profanity in situations where it was more inappropriate than not. This is not a place I want to be at. I want to be fully and consciously in control of my words. So to the effect of this goal, I'm going to put energy into watching my profanity use more carefully, and only using the words that I choose to, when I choose to.
I want to do less whining about money. I'm still working on a good definition for this one, but it likely involves doing things like limiting expressions of angst over how much something I bought cost me, or not volunteering my gripes about the things that I want to do that cost more money than I'm happy with. It doesn't mean I can't discuss finances with anybody, or that I can never express concern over money, but it does mean I have to be more conscientious about why and when I do so.
I've got a solid record of being slightly neurotic about my finances, probably in part due to having a history of dating successful, talented geeks who are better-paid than me in their chosen line of work, in combination with inheriting cheapskate genetics, picking a job in academia, and now, being a single-income household. However, I also have a nice house and kids in a private school, and the simple fact that I can do that AND afford many of the things that I really want pretty much totally refutes the idea that I'm rolling in poverty.
But how much money I have or not isn't the point (well, it's the point I'm trying to get away from); the fact that I -choose- what to do with it is. The choices I make determine where my money goes; if I didn't value owning this particular house, or staying in my current job, or sending my kids to this school, or a variety of other things, I could probably spend more on regularly eating out, or on owning more games and toys, or on taking more frequent or more indulgent vacations, or other things. So the complaints that I make about not being able to spend money on the same things my friends do is really about not -choosing- to spend money on those things. And volunteering that whining to other people in lieu of interesting conversation is, well, immature, not to mention probably really annoying. So, self? That's going to stop. Take responsibility for your own choices, and quit blaming the universe for your own financial decisions.
I want to be more present in my life. mzrowan would probably note this as a call to mindfulness, which it is, but I'm framing it this way for myself to be specifically in direct contrast to my tendency to frame certain pieces of my emotional or mental presence in terms of other time or place frames.
Of course, the main challenge of said state for me is twofold: a) to exist in the present, while remaining aware of both past and future. That is, in order to progress, I have to have goals, and be actively aware of future consequences of today's actions. What do I want to do today in order to be a better (or happier) person tomorrow? And b), to exist in my present, while remaining aware of the greater present. What is happening in the world around me? What do I want to do (or not do) today that will affect people in my life, in my community, or in the world?
Some of the steps this goal include: 1) Listen to more news. This is partially prompted by an upcoming election I am more motivated by, but I'm finding regular doses of NPR to be more fulfilling than ever before. 2) Vary my leisure time. It's easy for me to find relaxing and fulfilling things to do on my computer (and I do consider socializing with distant friends to be quality time), but if I always relax the same way, I am NOT relaxing other parts of my brain (or body), nor am I paying attention to the parts which must first be exerted or otherwise stimulated to benefit from being relaxed. 3) Focus more on the present of my relationships and emotions. I suspect it is a natural human tendency to build present emotions based on future expectations, but I think I sometimes also go too far, and let those expectations overpower present experience. With awareness of that in my head, I will work on being more present, and see how things reshape.
Mm, baking soda and vinegar for the brain. I'm getting up way too early for a flight tomorrow, so off to bed for me.
I'm taking a more theoretical approach to spring cleaning, by looking at a few little internal things I want to spruce up a little. I'm describing them here to help me understand my purpose, and to remind me of the goals I hope to achieve.
I want to start using profanity more deliberately. My word choice here is deliberate, though it may sound odd. It's not that I think I should swear more or less, but that I specifically want to be conscious about doing it, when I do. I'm thinking specifically about the usual four-letter swear words that would get my children in trouble if they used them at school. A subtext of this to keep in mind is that some day, I also want to talk to them specifically about intentional and appropriate usage.
I grew up in a private elementary school and weekly Sunday school, and had it fully ingrained in me that "those" words were bad. I also never heard them in my daily environment, so it was easy for me to leave out swear words entirely from my vocabulary. However, with such a stigma against them, every instance I saw of a swear word stood out to me like red blink text. It wasn't until I came to college that I starting hearing and seeing profanity in a more casual context, and I realized that the mere act of banning it gave those words more power.
My experimentation with using profanity went a similar route of learning how to give hugs. Through trial and error, I learned that, like smileys, there were situations where it could be inappropriate or offensive, and situations where it wasn't. I settled to a place where I could choose to do so, or choose to not.
But lately, I've observed myself swearing without realizing it, and occasionally using profanity in situations where it was more inappropriate than not. This is not a place I want to be at. I want to be fully and consciously in control of my words. So to the effect of this goal, I'm going to put energy into watching my profanity use more carefully, and only using the words that I choose to, when I choose to.
I want to do less whining about money. I'm still working on a good definition for this one, but it likely involves doing things like limiting expressions of angst over how much something I bought cost me, or not volunteering my gripes about the things that I want to do that cost more money than I'm happy with. It doesn't mean I can't discuss finances with anybody, or that I can never express concern over money, but it does mean I have to be more conscientious about why and when I do so.
I've got a solid record of being slightly neurotic about my finances, probably in part due to having a history of dating successful, talented geeks who are better-paid than me in their chosen line of work, in combination with inheriting cheapskate genetics, picking a job in academia, and now, being a single-income household. However, I also have a nice house and kids in a private school, and the simple fact that I can do that AND afford many of the things that I really want pretty much totally refutes the idea that I'm rolling in poverty.
But how much money I have or not isn't the point (well, it's the point I'm trying to get away from); the fact that I -choose- what to do with it is. The choices I make determine where my money goes; if I didn't value owning this particular house, or staying in my current job, or sending my kids to this school, or a variety of other things, I could probably spend more on regularly eating out, or on owning more games and toys, or on taking more frequent or more indulgent vacations, or other things. So the complaints that I make about not being able to spend money on the same things my friends do is really about not -choosing- to spend money on those things. And volunteering that whining to other people in lieu of interesting conversation is, well, immature, not to mention probably really annoying. So, self? That's going to stop. Take responsibility for your own choices, and quit blaming the universe for your own financial decisions.
I want to be more present in my life. mzrowan would probably note this as a call to mindfulness, which it is, but I'm framing it this way for myself to be specifically in direct contrast to my tendency to frame certain pieces of my emotional or mental presence in terms of other time or place frames.
Of course, the main challenge of said state for me is twofold: a) to exist in the present, while remaining aware of both past and future. That is, in order to progress, I have to have goals, and be actively aware of future consequences of today's actions. What do I want to do today in order to be a better (or happier) person tomorrow? And b), to exist in my present, while remaining aware of the greater present. What is happening in the world around me? What do I want to do (or not do) today that will affect people in my life, in my community, or in the world?
Some of the steps this goal include: 1) Listen to more news. This is partially prompted by an upcoming election I am more motivated by, but I'm finding regular doses of NPR to be more fulfilling than ever before. 2) Vary my leisure time. It's easy for me to find relaxing and fulfilling things to do on my computer (and I do consider socializing with distant friends to be quality time), but if I always relax the same way, I am NOT relaxing other parts of my brain (or body), nor am I paying attention to the parts which must first be exerted or otherwise stimulated to benefit from being relaxed. 3) Focus more on the present of my relationships and emotions. I suspect it is a natural human tendency to build present emotions based on future expectations, but I think I sometimes also go too far, and let those expectations overpower present experience. With awareness of that in my head, I will work on being more present, and see how things reshape.
Mm, baking soda and vinegar for the brain. I'm getting up way too early for a flight tomorrow, so off to bed for me.