(no subject)
Well, I tried to book a counselling session way back in mid-March and finally got an appointment last Friday - just a one-off thing instead of the string of sessions the booking had originally been for, they said, due to the demand that tends to spike round about this time of year. When I got the email about the change, I was a bit gutted. After having been to the one... eh.
It wasn't awful. I mean, it was something I hadn't done before (such a rebel! Living on the edge!), and it was cathartic, I guess. Plus I didn't loudly burst into tears at any point, always a positive sign. It's just that I came away with the feeling that the 40 minutes' exercise trudging to the other side of campus and back did more good than the 50ish minutes' talking in between. And the talking turned out to be mostly mine, even though the plan she outlined at the start of the session was closer to 30 minutes of me and 20 minutes of her. So maybe I sabotaged the whole thing, not sure; don't know if you've noticed, LJ, but whenever I get thinky thoughts I'm kinda hard to shut up.
The things she did say weren't really anything I didn't know. In fact, she flat out told me that I already had a pretty good handle on how to deal with my various shticks - feelings of isolation? Get out more. Desperately wanting to find own identity / place in the world? Get out more. Mummy issues? Get out more. Worries about ASD and/or social anxiety? Yeah, you know. - all that's in the way is lack of motivation to actually follow through. So... in other words, the only reason I still have problems is because it's me having them. I was sort of hoping for professional opinions on why that might be or suggestions to alleviate that somehow, but nope, she said, it comes to the point where I just need to get out there and git. (This is paraphrased.)
It's not that I think she's wrong, this time, but I still didn't take a shine to her and I can't put my finger on why. I mean, she definitely had that smooth, calm, tent-my-fingers-and-tell-me-everything professional's demeanour, but it seemed... put on? Though I should give her the benefit of the doubt, since I'm pretty much a stranger. Also, at one point she called me articulate which is a really unfortunate word to use if you're a white person talking to someone who's not, and she laughed the one time I temporarily ran out of words and started semi-consciously shuffling my feet while trying to come up with some more (it's a bit sad and probably doesn't qualify as a proper trigger, but I get sensitive about being laughed at...) - but those were both quite a way through the 50 minutes and my hackles had already been raised by then, so it can't have been just that.
(Context for "articulate": I was rambling about the Asperger's diagnosis I got back in Year 8 and how I thought it was a load of crap up until maybe a few months ago when I started wondering if maybe they had a point. To which she expressed surprise, and yeah. :|)
I could always ask for someone else the next time proper bookings open up in July, but to be honest, I don't think I'll bother. Getting out there, you know.
Meanwhile, lectures are now over for me and my first exam is a week tomorrow. I shouldn't be typing that. I shouldn't be typing anything at all. But my current drug of choice, while entirely too distracting (seriously, I've never had the urge to RP plotless fluff before and now I really want to even though I'm too shy to do much with memes, what's wrong with me), apparently isn't distracting enough, so here's a thing. Stolen from Tumblr because I can. Social medium inertia, woo! \o/
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Pokémon 30-day meme, day 1
Day 1 - Your favourite Pokémon
No surprise if you've heard/read me talking about Pokémon at any point ever: Tyranitar! Indisputably badass, adorable in a certain light, and full of character without ending up with a noisy design. I mean, I'm a Digimon fan, of course noisy designs are cool too, but sometimes all you want to sic on your opponent is a friggin' kaiju made of rock.
I never did manage to raise one until Generation IV rolled around, but I think that might be part of the appeal; if you want one of these babies, you'd better be willing to work for them. And when they finally grow up, it's like a parental moment. :'D Currently I've got three - one on HeartGold for the Frontier and because the little walking sprite is just too cute, the other two for the Subway on White, one for singles and one for doubles. Just a couple more and I'll have an army.
Honorable mentions: Skarmory, Torchic, Lati@s. I like birds. ♥
Day 1 - Your favourite Pokemon
Day 2 - Your least favourite Pokemon
Day 3 - Favorite starter Pokemon
Day 4 - Favorite Eeveelution
Day 5 - Favorite legendary Pokemon
Day 6 - Most terrifying Pokemon
Day 7 - Most adorable Pokemon
Day 8 - Most amusing Pokemon
Day 9 - Favorite Pokemon type
Day 10 - Least favorite Pokemon type
Day 11 - Favorite new Pokemon from Black & White
Day 12 - Favorite Pokemon attack or move
Day 13 - If you lived in the Pokemon world, what would you be?
Day 14 - If you were a gym leader, what would be your specialty?
Day 15 - Favorite region in the Pokemon world
Day 16 - If you could live anywhere in the Pokemon world, where would it be?
Day 17 - If you could be any Pokemon, what would you be?
Day 18 - Favorite Gym Leader
Day 19 - Favorite Elite 4 member/Champion
Day 20 - Favorite Pokemon Professor
Day 21 - Favorite Pokemon bad guys
Day 22 - Favorite Rival
Day 23 - A Pokemon which reminds you of a friend
Day 24 - A Pokemon you’d find useful in real-life
Day 25 - A Pokemon based on your favorite animal
Day 26 - A Pokemon that is your favorite colour
Day 27 - Favorite Pokemon game
Day 28 - What did you nickname your rival?
Day 29 - Favorite Pokemon tune or song
Day 30 - Most nostalgic element of Pokemon
It wasn't awful. I mean, it was something I hadn't done before (such a rebel! Living on the edge!), and it was cathartic, I guess. Plus I didn't loudly burst into tears at any point, always a positive sign. It's just that I came away with the feeling that the 40 minutes' exercise trudging to the other side of campus and back did more good than the 50ish minutes' talking in between. And the talking turned out to be mostly mine, even though the plan she outlined at the start of the session was closer to 30 minutes of me and 20 minutes of her. So maybe I sabotaged the whole thing, not sure; don't know if you've noticed, LJ, but whenever I get thinky thoughts I'm kinda hard to shut up.
The things she did say weren't really anything I didn't know. In fact, she flat out told me that I already had a pretty good handle on how to deal with my various shticks - feelings of isolation? Get out more. Desperately wanting to find own identity / place in the world? Get out more. Mummy issues? Get out more. Worries about ASD and/or social anxiety? Yeah, you know. - all that's in the way is lack of motivation to actually follow through. So... in other words, the only reason I still have problems is because it's me having them. I was sort of hoping for professional opinions on why that might be or suggestions to alleviate that somehow, but nope, she said, it comes to the point where I just need to get out there and git. (This is paraphrased.)
It's not that I think she's wrong, this time, but I still didn't take a shine to her and I can't put my finger on why. I mean, she definitely had that smooth, calm, tent-my-fingers-and-tell-me-everything professional's demeanour, but it seemed... put on? Though I should give her the benefit of the doubt, since I'm pretty much a stranger. Also, at one point she called me articulate which is a really unfortunate word to use if you're a white person talking to someone who's not, and she laughed the one time I temporarily ran out of words and started semi-consciously shuffling my feet while trying to come up with some more (it's a bit sad and probably doesn't qualify as a proper trigger, but I get sensitive about being laughed at...) - but those were both quite a way through the 50 minutes and my hackles had already been raised by then, so it can't have been just that.
(Context for "articulate": I was rambling about the Asperger's diagnosis I got back in Year 8 and how I thought it was a load of crap up until maybe a few months ago when I started wondering if maybe they had a point. To which she expressed surprise, and yeah. :|)
I could always ask for someone else the next time proper bookings open up in July, but to be honest, I don't think I'll bother. Getting out there, you know.
Meanwhile, lectures are now over for me and my first exam is a week tomorrow. I shouldn't be typing that. I shouldn't be typing anything at all. But my current drug of choice, while entirely too distracting (seriously, I've never had the urge to RP plotless fluff before and now I really want to even though I'm too shy to do much with memes, what's wrong with me), apparently isn't distracting enough, so here's a thing. Stolen from Tumblr because I can. Social medium inertia, woo! \o/
---
Pokémon 30-day meme, day 1
Day 1 - Your favourite Pokémon
No surprise if you've heard/read me talking about Pokémon at any point ever: Tyranitar! Indisputably badass, adorable in a certain light, and full of character without ending up with a noisy design. I mean, I'm a Digimon fan, of course noisy designs are cool too, but sometimes all you want to sic on your opponent is a friggin' kaiju made of rock.
I never did manage to raise one until Generation IV rolled around, but I think that might be part of the appeal; if you want one of these babies, you'd better be willing to work for them. And when they finally grow up, it's like a parental moment. :'D Currently I've got three - one on HeartGold for the Frontier and because the little walking sprite is just too cute, the other two for the Subway on White, one for singles and one for doubles. Just a couple more and I'll have an army.
Honorable mentions: Skarmory, Torchic, Lati@s. I like birds. ♥
Day 1 - Your favourite Pokemon
Day 2 - Your least favourite Pokemon
Day 3 - Favorite starter Pokemon
Day 4 - Favorite Eeveelution
Day 5 - Favorite legendary Pokemon
Day 6 - Most terrifying Pokemon
Day 7 - Most adorable Pokemon
Day 8 - Most amusing Pokemon
Day 9 - Favorite Pokemon type
Day 10 - Least favorite Pokemon type
Day 11 - Favorite new Pokemon from Black & White
Day 12 - Favorite Pokemon attack or move
Day 13 - If you lived in the Pokemon world, what would you be?
Day 14 - If you were a gym leader, what would be your specialty?
Day 15 - Favorite region in the Pokemon world
Day 16 - If you could live anywhere in the Pokemon world, where would it be?
Day 17 - If you could be any Pokemon, what would you be?
Day 18 - Favorite Gym Leader
Day 19 - Favorite Elite 4 member/Champion
Day 20 - Favorite Pokemon Professor
Day 21 - Favorite Pokemon bad guys
Day 22 - Favorite Rival
Day 23 - A Pokemon which reminds you of a friend
Day 24 - A Pokemon you’d find useful in real-life
Day 25 - A Pokemon based on your favorite animal
Day 26 - A Pokemon that is your favorite colour
Day 27 - Favorite Pokemon game
Day 28 - What did you nickname your rival?
Day 29 - Favorite Pokemon tune or song
Day 30 - Most nostalgic element of Pokemon