plans for today
so my friends came over last night and convinced me that going to work today wouldn't be wise. i think they were right, i kept having visions of all my kids and just NOT being able to even talk to them, let alone teach them anything.
so slept in this morning.
awoke to a phonecall from my real estate agent saying that he'd be late coming to do an inspection of my house. WHAT THE FUCK!>?????
i guess either a) the letter didn't get thru in the mail OR b) the same fucker that stole my new c.card also went thru our mail and got that letter too.
fucker.
so yeah, cancelled the house inspection. fuck. deal with that another time, preferably in school holidays when i have time to actually clean the house to a reasonable standard.
...
going today to Target or somewhere to buy some 3/4 length pants and some Tshirts.
then go out to my horse in the early arvo or so? spend some time with him. then gotta be back in town for 5.30 to get my eyebrows waxed. going to be risque and wax the tops too... oooh.
called the relief coordinator and also arranged for tomorrow off. will go back on monday, then funeral on tuesday, off on wednesday, back to work on thursday & friday. then the following week is only a 3 day week anyway before Easter and School Holidays. Yay.
rhiannon told me that she went right off at work, as none of them had any idea that it was just me doing the organising of things. so that's made them a bit aware. jenny told her to pass the message on that i could have as much time as i needed, and not to worry about leave or what kind of leave or whatever.
i've been sent more flowers and a card.
...
gotta get music. probably whilst i'm at the Galleria (where target is) i'll drop in to the music shop and have a listen to some Bing Crosby.
gotta get a poem or something. Rhiannon offered to read something out on my behalf, which is fucking awesome. what a great friend. she also offered her house up for the Wake. which again, is fucking awesome.
gotta also call Pinaroo about the memorial plaque thingamie.
...
went to mum's room again yesterday. i was by myself and it was a lot easier to get thru her stuff this time. everything is packed up, i just have to shift it to my car now.
i found loads of things, her old passport, some photos, marriage and divorce certificates.
i tortured myself for a while by reading some letters that my dad wrote to her in 2000/2001. fuck. what a headcase. it was fucking horrible and disgusting. i can't believe that he thought (thinks? fuck, please not THINKS) those things about me. fuck.
he's a fairly prolific letter writer. after reading like... 10, i called jed and started crying. realised that my mum was really on my side when it came to my dad and the fucking assholish nature of him and his expectations.
i knew i had to call my dad and confront him. "Did you really think those things about me?"
FORTUNATELY my step mother answered the phone and i talked to her instead. she made me laugh and went on about how even now dad still yells at her and carries on like a porkchop. i asked if i should keep the letters for future reference (ie, an argument with my dad where he denies flat out calling me a loser or a prostitute) and she said that they were old and holding onto them would just make me feel more toxic about it.
she said that he still hates that i'm a teacher, which makes me feel even more violent, but still.
anyway, i threw them out. i think that was a good idea. even now they're burning a hole in me and they're miles away. i threw out all the horrible letters he wrote to ME over the years, so why not.
ugh, i got furious that this became about my relationship with my dad and not about my mum too.
i was telling my friends about that last night and both of them were like, "Fuck, i can't believe you tortured yourself like that by reading them"
anyway.
i need to learn how to do BULLET points. any help?
so slept in this morning.
awoke to a phonecall from my real estate agent saying that he'd be late coming to do an inspection of my house. WHAT THE FUCK!>?????
i guess either a) the letter didn't get thru in the mail OR b) the same fucker that stole my new c.card also went thru our mail and got that letter too.
fucker.
so yeah, cancelled the house inspection. fuck. deal with that another time, preferably in school holidays when i have time to actually clean the house to a reasonable standard.
...
going today to Target or somewhere to buy some 3/4 length pants and some Tshirts.
then go out to my horse in the early arvo or so? spend some time with him. then gotta be back in town for 5.30 to get my eyebrows waxed. going to be risque and wax the tops too... oooh.
called the relief coordinator and also arranged for tomorrow off. will go back on monday, then funeral on tuesday, off on wednesday, back to work on thursday & friday. then the following week is only a 3 day week anyway before Easter and School Holidays. Yay.
rhiannon told me that she went right off at work, as none of them had any idea that it was just me doing the organising of things. so that's made them a bit aware. jenny told her to pass the message on that i could have as much time as i needed, and not to worry about leave or what kind of leave or whatever.
i've been sent more flowers and a card.
...
gotta get music. probably whilst i'm at the Galleria (where target is) i'll drop in to the music shop and have a listen to some Bing Crosby.
gotta get a poem or something. Rhiannon offered to read something out on my behalf, which is fucking awesome. what a great friend. she also offered her house up for the Wake. which again, is fucking awesome.
gotta also call Pinaroo about the memorial plaque thingamie.
...
went to mum's room again yesterday. i was by myself and it was a lot easier to get thru her stuff this time. everything is packed up, i just have to shift it to my car now.
i found loads of things, her old passport, some photos, marriage and divorce certificates.
i tortured myself for a while by reading some letters that my dad wrote to her in 2000/2001. fuck. what a headcase. it was fucking horrible and disgusting. i can't believe that he thought (thinks? fuck, please not THINKS) those things about me. fuck.
he's a fairly prolific letter writer. after reading like... 10, i called jed and started crying. realised that my mum was really on my side when it came to my dad and the fucking assholish nature of him and his expectations.
i knew i had to call my dad and confront him. "Did you really think those things about me?"
FORTUNATELY my step mother answered the phone and i talked to her instead. she made me laugh and went on about how even now dad still yells at her and carries on like a porkchop. i asked if i should keep the letters for future reference (ie, an argument with my dad where he denies flat out calling me a loser or a prostitute) and she said that they were old and holding onto them would just make me feel more toxic about it.
she said that he still hates that i'm a teacher, which makes me feel even more violent, but still.
anyway, i threw them out. i think that was a good idea. even now they're burning a hole in me and they're miles away. i threw out all the horrible letters he wrote to ME over the years, so why not.
ugh, i got furious that this became about my relationship with my dad and not about my mum too.
i was telling my friends about that last night and both of them were like, "Fuck, i can't believe you tortured yourself like that by reading them"
anyway.
i need to learn how to do BULLET points. any help?