and this entry shall be entitled, "How To Break Your Pony In Ten Easy Steps."
or
"The Day Beejay Threw His Mind AWAY"
...
it really is too early for me to be up and functioning, but it was the last thing i thought of last night & the first thing i thought of this morning. I have about 75 report comments to write by thursday, plus input grades, as well. i totally meant to get some done last night but, well, my horse decided otherwise.
i rode on sunday & i think i figured out what was causing his complete freak outs - a pony. i eventually took him around the back of the arena to the neighbour's fence to meet said pony. VERY adorable. also, clearly beejay-eating as it's practically a miniature, and palomino with wild hair to boot. yesty he had another of his -frozen with fear, would rather spin- momentos but we worked through it and it was OKAY. he wasn't 100% but he was there, youknow? did a lot of walk/canter/walk/changes of direction to get him thinking and MOVING and he was lovely. some really fucking mind blowing canter work - i was amazed.
last night?
well. firstly, best warmup ever in the history of beejay. very soft & supple at walk, played around with haunches in (no idea how to do these - just figured i'd ask & he complied happily). then some MAD trot work. and i mean MAD. played with variations of pace, lots of extension, over the whole double arena. just SO nice and SO forward and happy and in tune. i was LAUGHING with giddiness.
then a bit of a canty & that was ... okay, not our best, but okay.
then *i* heard a leaf rustle at H...
and it was all over red rover.
horse went STRAIGHT to beejyland. do not pass go. do not collect $200. weird that i was on board too as the one and only time he truly visited beejyland during a ride was the fateful ride out in the bush when i just bought him & he bucked/bolted/dumped me & left me miles from home.
there really must have been a giant beejy-eating monster in the bushes. makes me wonder about ghosts or supernatural shit because maybe he's onto something. who knows.
we started out trying to deal with it in the normal manner.
a) marching forward
b) circles (a fucking lot of them)
c) yielding towards/away
d) serpentines/figure 8's.
he kept trying to SPIN and i kept pulling him out to circle instead. that was alright.
meanwhile he was ignoring me so i took him over and got the dodgy dressage whip, which i used, a LOT, to reinforce my leg.
which, he also IGNORED.
this horse NEVER ignores a whip or any sort of "LISTEN THE FUCK TO ME" sort of gadget (ie, whip/spurs etc).
this is where i began to realise his brain was not functioning accordingly.
he started trying to fucking REAR. as in, if i faced him towards H/S he would try to BOLT backwards, spin. if we were facing the other way & i tried to get him to turn, he'd try to fucking rear.
WTF>>?????
he was TERRIFIED. and not 10 minutes earlier he'd been powering around the arena like a pro. wtf??????????'
he wasn't just SHYING - we have learnt how to deal with shies. this was something completely different & he's been throwing this behaviour at me for the past week & it definitely PEAKED last night. i was actually reminded of his behaviour when i first got him & was learning to ride him & he was testing me out (a lot, haha). it wasn't this bad, but similar...
anyway. at one stage i went, "oooh shit" & endeavoured to get a little bit of nice walk. jumped off.
i was angry as well by this stage because i knew he was blanking me. i know it's wrong to get emotional, but fuck...
anyway. this is where i think i broke his brain.
i dragged him out of the arena, yielding his quarters/forequarters, stopping,starting etc the whole way. doing ANYTHING to try and get him paying attention to me.
we went around to the outside of the arena @ H/S to investigate the area. i tried to make myself 1000x more interesting than whatever it was that was FREAKING HIM THE FUCK OUT. jumping, whooping, making him move, tapping him forward & backwards, shaking the fence (aforementioned devil pony was nowhere in sight?), making him move through/under/around trees etc and so on.
took him BACK to the arena. he was much more present. but still... wooden, you know.
got on.
no more spinny reary bullshit. back to 'normal' in terms of shying - twitching/jumping etc. worked at walk all over the arena. asked for trot, which he very kindly gave me. but it wasn't *right*. he felt mechanical & not at all present in my hands (if that makes sense). not like he was sucking back, but as if he was going through the motions. it was weird.
then, he indicated that he was very much broken. he couldn't STOP. as in, i'd ask for halt and he'd halt, then he became HYPER aware of any slight change in me and he'd OVERDO it. so he'd halt, then SCOOT sideways at a million miles an hour if i even breathed funny & put weight on my leg/seat. he'd jig & give me this real thoroughbred bullshit (which he doesn't really do). times like 5 or something before i figured out i did not want a battle here & got him moving & doing as many circles & wavy lines as possible & half halting and ALMOST stopping before pushing him into walk so he didn't have a chance to be stupid. this worked & when i asked for halt he kindly gave it.
but yeah. he clearly felt very very very broken & not at all 'there'. not in beejyland anymore like he had been earlier, but like i had pushed him over the edge & he'd lost himself a bit.
he was DRIPPING with sweat by this stage so we spent ages cooling out, but he was completely untrusty & i felt like he was going to throw something HUGE at me at any moment. kept him busy with obstacles & lots of circles and stuff and eventually he was more *there*, but still panicky if i asked something more than just turning (ie, to yield off leg).
anyway. it was about a 1h40min fucking ride (which i really don't do!) so he will probably be very sore & shitty about it today.
i dunno, i've been thinking about it a lot. i felt a bit freaked out, to be honest. it's such a new behaviour & i have no idea what's prompting it. on sunday i thought i had it figured by thinking it was just a new evasion tactic, but last night i really felt his mind was GONE.
anyways, it's quarter to 7 now & i've drunk half my coffee so feel maybe 1/4 alive. haha.
oh, i'm also feeling very paranoid about my flist. which sucks ass.
"The Day Beejay Threw His Mind AWAY"
...
it really is too early for me to be up and functioning, but it was the last thing i thought of last night & the first thing i thought of this morning. I have about 75 report comments to write by thursday, plus input grades, as well. i totally meant to get some done last night but, well, my horse decided otherwise.
i rode on sunday & i think i figured out what was causing his complete freak outs - a pony. i eventually took him around the back of the arena to the neighbour's fence to meet said pony. VERY adorable. also, clearly beejay-eating as it's practically a miniature, and palomino with wild hair to boot. yesty he had another of his -frozen with fear, would rather spin- momentos but we worked through it and it was OKAY. he wasn't 100% but he was there, youknow? did a lot of walk/canter/walk/changes of direction to get him thinking and MOVING and he was lovely. some really fucking mind blowing canter work - i was amazed.
last night?
well. firstly, best warmup ever in the history of beejay. very soft & supple at walk, played around with haunches in (no idea how to do these - just figured i'd ask & he complied happily). then some MAD trot work. and i mean MAD. played with variations of pace, lots of extension, over the whole double arena. just SO nice and SO forward and happy and in tune. i was LAUGHING with giddiness.
then a bit of a canty & that was ... okay, not our best, but okay.
then *i* heard a leaf rustle at H...
and it was all over red rover.
horse went STRAIGHT to beejyland. do not pass go. do not collect $200. weird that i was on board too as the one and only time he truly visited beejyland during a ride was the fateful ride out in the bush when i just bought him & he bucked/bolted/dumped me & left me miles from home.
there really must have been a giant beejy-eating monster in the bushes. makes me wonder about ghosts or supernatural shit because maybe he's onto something. who knows.
we started out trying to deal with it in the normal manner.
a) marching forward
b) circles (a fucking lot of them)
c) yielding towards/away
d) serpentines/figure 8's.
he kept trying to SPIN and i kept pulling him out to circle instead. that was alright.
meanwhile he was ignoring me so i took him over and got the dodgy dressage whip, which i used, a LOT, to reinforce my leg.
which, he also IGNORED.
this horse NEVER ignores a whip or any sort of "LISTEN THE FUCK TO ME" sort of gadget (ie, whip/spurs etc).
this is where i began to realise his brain was not functioning accordingly.
he started trying to fucking REAR. as in, if i faced him towards H/S he would try to BOLT backwards, spin. if we were facing the other way & i tried to get him to turn, he'd try to fucking rear.
WTF>>?????
he was TERRIFIED. and not 10 minutes earlier he'd been powering around the arena like a pro. wtf??????????'
he wasn't just SHYING - we have learnt how to deal with shies. this was something completely different & he's been throwing this behaviour at me for the past week & it definitely PEAKED last night. i was actually reminded of his behaviour when i first got him & was learning to ride him & he was testing me out (a lot, haha). it wasn't this bad, but similar...
anyway. at one stage i went, "oooh shit" & endeavoured to get a little bit of nice walk. jumped off.
i was angry as well by this stage because i knew he was blanking me. i know it's wrong to get emotional, but fuck...
anyway. this is where i think i broke his brain.
i dragged him out of the arena, yielding his quarters/forequarters, stopping,starting etc the whole way. doing ANYTHING to try and get him paying attention to me.
we went around to the outside of the arena @ H/S to investigate the area. i tried to make myself 1000x more interesting than whatever it was that was FREAKING HIM THE FUCK OUT. jumping, whooping, making him move, tapping him forward & backwards, shaking the fence (aforementioned devil pony was nowhere in sight?), making him move through/under/around trees etc and so on.
took him BACK to the arena. he was much more present. but still... wooden, you know.
got on.
no more spinny reary bullshit. back to 'normal' in terms of shying - twitching/jumping etc. worked at walk all over the arena. asked for trot, which he very kindly gave me. but it wasn't *right*. he felt mechanical & not at all present in my hands (if that makes sense). not like he was sucking back, but as if he was going through the motions. it was weird.
then, he indicated that he was very much broken. he couldn't STOP. as in, i'd ask for halt and he'd halt, then he became HYPER aware of any slight change in me and he'd OVERDO it. so he'd halt, then SCOOT sideways at a million miles an hour if i even breathed funny & put weight on my leg/seat. he'd jig & give me this real thoroughbred bullshit (which he doesn't really do). times like 5 or something before i figured out i did not want a battle here & got him moving & doing as many circles & wavy lines as possible & half halting and ALMOST stopping before pushing him into walk so he didn't have a chance to be stupid. this worked & when i asked for halt he kindly gave it.
but yeah. he clearly felt very very very broken & not at all 'there'. not in beejyland anymore like he had been earlier, but like i had pushed him over the edge & he'd lost himself a bit.
he was DRIPPING with sweat by this stage so we spent ages cooling out, but he was completely untrusty & i felt like he was going to throw something HUGE at me at any moment. kept him busy with obstacles & lots of circles and stuff and eventually he was more *there*, but still panicky if i asked something more than just turning (ie, to yield off leg).
anyway. it was about a 1h40min fucking ride (which i really don't do!) so he will probably be very sore & shitty about it today.
i dunno, i've been thinking about it a lot. i felt a bit freaked out, to be honest. it's such a new behaviour & i have no idea what's prompting it. on sunday i thought i had it figured by thinking it was just a new evasion tactic, but last night i really felt his mind was GONE.
anyways, it's quarter to 7 now & i've drunk half my coffee so feel maybe 1/4 alive. haha.
oh, i'm also feeling very paranoid about my flist. which sucks ass.