The Worlds Meet
I'm posting this here as I know most people will never read it, but it's still a good way for me to get it out. It's been quite a while since the last time I posted. A lot of things have changed since then, some for better, some for worse. I'm trying to stay positive for not just my own sake anymore - I have someone looking up to me.
I've always been a good listener willing to lend an ear when friends need someone to talk to, but I've noticed that I'm starting to get drained from it... Some friends come to me and all they talk about is everything bad that is going on in there life, and what do I do? I get depressed because of it. I let it envelop me and control my emotions and motiviation for the day until I forget about it again. I want to help, but as a friend told me recently, sometimes you just can't help everyone - it's no good worrying about it or it'll cause ulcers.... I don't want ulcers.
My love life has been really weird, but I'm happy where I am now. Jasper and I broke up about earlier October last year, and it really hit me hard - harder than I've ever been hit before from a breakup. For some reason, I didn't want to lose our connection we had like I'd done to James, Alex, and Will.... I let those friendships fall, and I know they will probably never forgive me. I still talk to James and Will occassionally, but I can see how their attitude towards me changed... Like I'm just a bother sometimes. I didn't want that to happen between Jasper and I. So for months, I'd act like my heart wasn't in pieces around me as I continued to talk to him as a friend. But about 3 weeks ago, I just couldn't hide it anymore and told him how I still felt about him.... and what happened next surprised me. I made my peace in the middle of the afternoon and boarded my flight that evening to go to AC, where we first met and where we spent some really important moments together. When I got off the flight and my phone regained signal at 11:45pm that wednesday night, everything I had been hoping and praying for was coming true, and I got to find out what Jasper still felt himself. We patched up our relationship and became one again - My Marty to his Taye (The Circles comic I gave him for his birthday still meant a big deal to him - we both really connected with those characters). It put a swing in my step and gave me the wholeness I had been looking for for a long time. Even though we're a thousand miles apart, he's still here with me everyday. I closed my eyes last night listening to a song I had only heard a few hours before, and I drifted into the air and met up with him in the sky, the stars twinkling around us like camera flashes. I was whole.
Some friendships have come and gone since then. I still keep in contact with some friends, and I have no ill feelings towards others, even if I don't see them as much as I used to.... Maybe at Megaplex will I get to.
My living situtation is difficult sometimes - I get the feeling a lot that I'm not doing enough around the house. I try to make up for it, but I still get that feeling.I try to go above and beyond sometimes but tend to fail more often than not. At least I keep paying though...
I still get scared a lot thinking about the future, but I know that there will be people who care about me with me along the way, so I can keep on going. I wish I was a reliable friend to the ones I care about too. I know that I don't mean as much to some people I call friends as they mean to me, and I should be fine with that, I guess. I still like doing things for them if I can - even if I don't fit in with their group or am just not as important as others are to them.
I'm just rambling now. I should go to bed. At least I got some stuff out.
-Blitz
I've always been a good listener willing to lend an ear when friends need someone to talk to, but I've noticed that I'm starting to get drained from it... Some friends come to me and all they talk about is everything bad that is going on in there life, and what do I do? I get depressed because of it. I let it envelop me and control my emotions and motiviation for the day until I forget about it again. I want to help, but as a friend told me recently, sometimes you just can't help everyone - it's no good worrying about it or it'll cause ulcers.... I don't want ulcers.
My love life has been really weird, but I'm happy where I am now. Jasper and I broke up about earlier October last year, and it really hit me hard - harder than I've ever been hit before from a breakup. For some reason, I didn't want to lose our connection we had like I'd done to James, Alex, and Will.... I let those friendships fall, and I know they will probably never forgive me. I still talk to James and Will occassionally, but I can see how their attitude towards me changed... Like I'm just a bother sometimes. I didn't want that to happen between Jasper and I. So for months, I'd act like my heart wasn't in pieces around me as I continued to talk to him as a friend. But about 3 weeks ago, I just couldn't hide it anymore and told him how I still felt about him.... and what happened next surprised me. I made my peace in the middle of the afternoon and boarded my flight that evening to go to AC, where we first met and where we spent some really important moments together. When I got off the flight and my phone regained signal at 11:45pm that wednesday night, everything I had been hoping and praying for was coming true, and I got to find out what Jasper still felt himself. We patched up our relationship and became one again - My Marty to his Taye (The Circles comic I gave him for his birthday still meant a big deal to him - we both really connected with those characters). It put a swing in my step and gave me the wholeness I had been looking for for a long time. Even though we're a thousand miles apart, he's still here with me everyday. I closed my eyes last night listening to a song I had only heard a few hours before, and I drifted into the air and met up with him in the sky, the stars twinkling around us like camera flashes. I was whole.
Some friendships have come and gone since then. I still keep in contact with some friends, and I have no ill feelings towards others, even if I don't see them as much as I used to.... Maybe at Megaplex will I get to.
My living situtation is difficult sometimes - I get the feeling a lot that I'm not doing enough around the house. I try to make up for it, but I still get that feeling.I try to go above and beyond sometimes but tend to fail more often than not. At least I keep paying though...
I still get scared a lot thinking about the future, but I know that there will be people who care about me with me along the way, so I can keep on going. I wish I was a reliable friend to the ones I care about too. I know that I don't mean as much to some people I call friends as they mean to me, and I should be fine with that, I guess. I still like doing things for them if I can - even if I don't fit in with their group or am just not as important as others are to them.
I'm just rambling now. I should go to bed. At least I got some stuff out.
-Blitz