"You'll catch more flies with sugar than vinegar," said the Frog to the Toad.
Recently I was introduced to the written word of a friend's ex.
Never have I read such scathing bitterness in the guise of confidence and personal strength, until now.
I don't know this girl, but I really don't have much good to say about her after reading her rant about my friend not having a life. I held my tongue on her site because I don't want to unleash a cargo ship full of drama into my life. However, I can not help but comment on it here.
First off who is she to judge. She's the one reading something composed completely for amusement and then writing a page or so in response to something not even remotely related to her. Criticizing my friend for his hobbies and his habit of writing about his day in a humorous retrospect on lj. Okay....so people with blogs are not obligated to voice their opinions or be introspective unless they are paid to. For some people a journal is a place to record how you thought about things at a certain point in your life...to be viewed in the future to see how you have grown, matured, etc. Others record funny thoughts for the amusement of others.
The latter is the case for my friend. However his ex has accused him of putting writing for the sake of acceptance from others as a "pat on the back" from his current friends. My friend does seek acceptance from the people around him, we all do, but attacking someone viciously and publicly for whatever reason isn't going to change that. What exactly is wrong with having friends that support your opinions and are amused by witty narrations of daily life? Daily we are faced with people of opposite opinions, I don't feel my friend's life is any different. He is friends with people with contrasting opinions than himself. He's friends with me.
She accuses him of writing for a specific audience. Anyone who keeps a non private journal is writing for someone to read.
Who is she writing for? and why? To show her friends and herself how emotionally sterile and bitter she is? That is something I'm not touching. However I will comment on the verbal attack in general.
I have found by addressing issues that need changing it is better to calmly and tactfully address the situation with the person in private. My friend listens to what I have to say, because I tell him in a way that isn't demeaning to him. Bending someone over a barrel and verbally ass raping him in a public forum does nothing to change the situation except to make the victim lose respect for and ignore the person who is expressing their opinion so viciously.
I totallly understand the point this girl is trying to make. She thinks he needs to grow up and grow up fast. And it seems she has always wanted him to grow up on her schedule. He will grow when he is ready. He's got an entire life ahead of him. Some people should stop worrying so much about others wasting their life and worry more about what they are doing with their own.
My friend is cautious about taking the steps of life. NOT out of fear of the unknown, but a desire to maintain a certain standard of living and stability. Moving out of his current situation is a rush with his current rate of income would not be very conducive to making further progress in other aspects of his life. He does need to find another job, but building a resume of experiences proving to a potential employer that he has the fortitude to stick with a position is important as well.
I am defending him...mostly because I understand his position. I've barrelled headlong and headstrong in to many uncomfortable and unknown situations. Yes, I have experienced a bit more life than he, but there are somethings in life that I have experienced that if I could I would save everyone in the world from experiencing. I used to be bitter and cold like this ex of his. Emotionally devoid towards the feelings of others when it came to my opinion about how life should be lived. This was mostly due to the unhappiness I felt about my own self and accomplishments.
And if faced with the unnecessary task of comparing his success and mine. I would say that he is far more successful in many aspects of his life than myself. I however do not concern myself with his successes vs. mine, I concern myself with enjoying my friendship with him.
People develop at different paces and in different ways for a reason. It's called individuality and self-determined fate. Belittling someone's existance to encourage them to grow faster is like chopping off new branches of a sapling tree. People grow through nurturing and friendship. Some people need tough love. Those type of people are alcoholics and drug users. By telling someone something gently with tact isn't skirting the issue, it's presenting it in a way that allows the person to see the logic and cause for the advice giver's opinion.
I have learned alot about myself, because of my friend. He taught me how to be more compassionate and kind. I think that he learned a little bit from me as well. Neither of us resorted to condescending comments verbally or written to encourage the process of growth and change one desired of the other.
And if you are reading this....respond how you will. I wrote it to be read by all parties concerned. However do not criticize someone for deriving pleasure from reading other's comments even if they are supportive and a "pat on the back". He chose to share part of his life with you in the past and the present. And for this you reward him with a condescending post obviously directed at him for the sake of what? To make yourself feel better because you are unhappy the relationship didn't turn out the way you wanted? Sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes failure is caused by your own actions. Grow up and get over it. I did and because of it, I have him as a friend.
(you can stop reading here....nothing but witty banter to amuse my reader friends follows)
On a totally unrelated note....
I washed my car for an hour and it still doesn't look good :(
Time for a paintjob or a new car.
I vote for new car.
If you are reading this...
Directing a comment of "don't read this" towards some encourages them to read on. Stop trying to hide your true opinions about someone behind faulty warning labels. Grow a pair and speak your mind.
Never have I read such scathing bitterness in the guise of confidence and personal strength, until now.
I don't know this girl, but I really don't have much good to say about her after reading her rant about my friend not having a life. I held my tongue on her site because I don't want to unleash a cargo ship full of drama into my life. However, I can not help but comment on it here.
First off who is she to judge. She's the one reading something composed completely for amusement and then writing a page or so in response to something not even remotely related to her. Criticizing my friend for his hobbies and his habit of writing about his day in a humorous retrospect on lj. Okay....so people with blogs are not obligated to voice their opinions or be introspective unless they are paid to. For some people a journal is a place to record how you thought about things at a certain point in your life...to be viewed in the future to see how you have grown, matured, etc. Others record funny thoughts for the amusement of others.
The latter is the case for my friend. However his ex has accused him of putting writing for the sake of acceptance from others as a "pat on the back" from his current friends. My friend does seek acceptance from the people around him, we all do, but attacking someone viciously and publicly for whatever reason isn't going to change that. What exactly is wrong with having friends that support your opinions and are amused by witty narrations of daily life? Daily we are faced with people of opposite opinions, I don't feel my friend's life is any different. He is friends with people with contrasting opinions than himself. He's friends with me.
She accuses him of writing for a specific audience. Anyone who keeps a non private journal is writing for someone to read.
Who is she writing for? and why? To show her friends and herself how emotionally sterile and bitter she is? That is something I'm not touching. However I will comment on the verbal attack in general.
I have found by addressing issues that need changing it is better to calmly and tactfully address the situation with the person in private. My friend listens to what I have to say, because I tell him in a way that isn't demeaning to him. Bending someone over a barrel and verbally ass raping him in a public forum does nothing to change the situation except to make the victim lose respect for and ignore the person who is expressing their opinion so viciously.
I totallly understand the point this girl is trying to make. She thinks he needs to grow up and grow up fast. And it seems she has always wanted him to grow up on her schedule. He will grow when he is ready. He's got an entire life ahead of him. Some people should stop worrying so much about others wasting their life and worry more about what they are doing with their own.
My friend is cautious about taking the steps of life. NOT out of fear of the unknown, but a desire to maintain a certain standard of living and stability. Moving out of his current situation is a rush with his current rate of income would not be very conducive to making further progress in other aspects of his life. He does need to find another job, but building a resume of experiences proving to a potential employer that he has the fortitude to stick with a position is important as well.
I am defending him...mostly because I understand his position. I've barrelled headlong and headstrong in to many uncomfortable and unknown situations. Yes, I have experienced a bit more life than he, but there are somethings in life that I have experienced that if I could I would save everyone in the world from experiencing. I used to be bitter and cold like this ex of his. Emotionally devoid towards the feelings of others when it came to my opinion about how life should be lived. This was mostly due to the unhappiness I felt about my own self and accomplishments.
And if faced with the unnecessary task of comparing his success and mine. I would say that he is far more successful in many aspects of his life than myself. I however do not concern myself with his successes vs. mine, I concern myself with enjoying my friendship with him.
People develop at different paces and in different ways for a reason. It's called individuality and self-determined fate. Belittling someone's existance to encourage them to grow faster is like chopping off new branches of a sapling tree. People grow through nurturing and friendship. Some people need tough love. Those type of people are alcoholics and drug users. By telling someone something gently with tact isn't skirting the issue, it's presenting it in a way that allows the person to see the logic and cause for the advice giver's opinion.
I have learned alot about myself, because of my friend. He taught me how to be more compassionate and kind. I think that he learned a little bit from me as well. Neither of us resorted to condescending comments verbally or written to encourage the process of growth and change one desired of the other.
And if you are reading this....respond how you will. I wrote it to be read by all parties concerned. However do not criticize someone for deriving pleasure from reading other's comments even if they are supportive and a "pat on the back". He chose to share part of his life with you in the past and the present. And for this you reward him with a condescending post obviously directed at him for the sake of what? To make yourself feel better because you are unhappy the relationship didn't turn out the way you wanted? Sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes failure is caused by your own actions. Grow up and get over it. I did and because of it, I have him as a friend.
(you can stop reading here....nothing but witty banter to amuse my reader friends follows)
On a totally unrelated note....
I washed my car for an hour and it still doesn't look good :(
Time for a paintjob or a new car.
I vote for new car.
If you are reading this...
Directing a comment of "don't read this" towards some encourages them to read on. Stop trying to hide your true opinions about someone behind faulty warning labels. Grow a pair and speak your mind.