"I don't want to fall to pieces, I just want to sit and stare at you"
Ok, stupid stuff...
If you saw me today, you know that I'm like yeah, completely crazy. Like, overboard, it's insane.
I haven't talked to Corey, and it really makes me sad. I love you, and I miss you. (Redundant) I slept with your hoodie next to my face last night, and I slept in it the night before. Wow, everything smells like you. My sheets smell like you just from that. Oh god, I hate not being able to see you. I go to school, and all of my ex'es.... ALL of them have somebody. And it's not like I want them back, I just miss being satisfied with somebody that I saw so often. Ok, no, Doug's girlfriend doesn't go to our school, she lives in like, Jersey.
So, I've been thinking about so many insane things since Thursday night. I talked to "you know who," hah, ok, only like 2 people know who that is... anyway, yeah, it just made me think about a lot of things. I haven't had an identity for a long time. I always belong to somebody. It's been like this for so fucking long. And I was getting close to trying to figure out who I am without somebody, but then, started dating Ray. It's not like it's so horrible, I'm just dumb because I can't just belong to myself.
But I don't belong to anybody else anymore. I belong to me. I'm taking things back. Wow, I sound like a rape victim at a "Take back the night" rally, which is next week by the way. But, I don't know, I've desperately needed this for so long. I have so much room to breathe and grow on my own, but still feel so much for somebody. I keep getting strange rushes of adrenaline. It's great, but I'm just lonely.
I watched "Blonde" yesterday, which was about Marilyn Monroe, and I think I'm gonna die like her. I have a little bit of talent, and sex appeal. Whoo, yeah, I'm gonna get far. I dunno, I just felt all blah, and yeah.
So I went to the dentist, and had 3 shots of Novacaine, and 3 hours later, I still can't feel my face. So wow, that sucks. My lip swelled up, but I could actually feel him drilling my tooth still. So that sucked.
Ok, the first picture is the haircut I'm gonna get (not red), and the second one is my drug-induced schizophrenic psychosis.
Oh man, I love you. Ugh, I hope I can see you soon. So cheesy.
haircut^^^^
schicophrenia^^^^