Up late again
►Here, I sit at my desk. Late at night I start to wonder. About everything. There is just something about late nights that gets to me. I will be laying in my bed one moment and the next I will find myself sitting here, talking nonsense fairytales and dreams to my journal as if it cares. The thoughts of you, of him, of us, gallops through my troubled mind, as if I have the time to fight for my own problems. There is no room for me and my needs, the world has enough drama to worry about mine. Dont worry sweet people, I don't hold it in. I let it all out in my own fashion. Drawing pretty pictures. But no, not the old bad habit ones. These are new pictures. Images in my mind full of color and imagination. Yes, Imagination, because that is all I have right now. There is no reality in my world of dull. Why is it that if you dont cry, hurt, or feel pain, your not normal? Thinking back to the day my friend was happy. How could she be so happy, is the question often asked to her. It was as if she didnt have a care in the world. Unaccepted, was her new behavior, and for what purpose? Because she didnt care. She lived life and didnt have a worry in the world. She didnt even care that her new upbeat attitude was not appriciated. But why is it just not normal these days to be happy? It seems that if your not slitting your wrists, making suicide attempts, or crying and hurting, then your just not normal. What happened to "happy"?►
♣What is this mess? Failure and fear. Who created this mess? A girl without care. Why whats the trouble? She cant move. Move from where? The hole of dares. In this deep dark dreadful hole, the old ones play a tune. A tune without a melody that only plays your doom. The screeches fill your hurting ears with beats of broken glass. To end up deep inside this hole puts pains upon your ass. To move an inch will cut you deep without a single touch. A cut so deep inside your heart that it becomes to much. This hole is full of all your fears. You cant give in without a fight to find the one who cares. Youll come out alive all black and blue. But you will learn what you never knew. Out of the hole you come to find. I was there the entire time. I watched you squirm with one big smile. As I sat and waited a while. A look to the front you wouldve known it was me. I was the one who couldve set you free. But you dug yourself deep in the hole. I bet right now you feel like a fool. With one small chance and two open arms. You couldve left that hole with no harm. It doesnt take a dreamers fairy dust. All it takes is a little trust. And with this fact I leave you. With something that was there but you never knew. Take a look and then youll see. This was all just fantasy.♣
and then she died. not by suicide. but lose of pride. failed attempts. held her back. from breaking thru. and making it to the end