(no subject)
maybe this is what mayer meant by quarter life crisis
tho im still 2 yrs away from that LOL
i dunno..
i just dunno where im heading to with my life
i dont event know what i want
i know what i dont want, but i dont know what i want
im envious of those who have passion over certain things
not me..
i get bored too easily
i might find things to be fun for a while
but i can never stick to it for too long
makes it hard for me to decide what i want to do with my life
cos whatever i choose, i will do it halfheartedly
i kept believing that i will have this premonition about something really huge
maybe its just some wishful thinking
and i kept screaming in my head that life is moving too fast and tht i want it to stop for a while
but what's there to stop when im not even doing anything?
when im moving reaaaaally slowly
sometimes i just wanna tell myself what the fuck
also, i feel like an animal
in a rut
i have this flooding urge to have a family
i feel like a bird feeling ready to have little chicks
and looking around for little branches
so i can build a nest
in hope that some beautiful female would feel the same way
and are willing to lay her eggs in my nest
maybe thats why male dogs hump leg chairs
maybe they understand the feelings better than i do
and express it way better
back to my quarter life crisis
wait, i havent even left the topic yet
somewhat im trying to distant myself from others
whats with that?
the guy who hangs out with almost everyone
the guy who is always seen smiling, laughing, joking around with many ppl
all of a sudden wants to be a stranger to everyone
and im feeling this pressure
well everyone keeps asking me about this n that
about life
those are nothing
the pressure i did on myself after hearing what they say
is far more enormous
maybe im expecting too much of myself
makes me feel like just falling into some empty space
just keep falling til eternity
away from everything
with just wind in my ears
and voices in my head echoing as i fall back with arms wide open
FUCKING broke..
and yet im too picky about jobs
i think i chose the wrong major..
definitely.
i mean, why did i choose finance
when i dont even wanna work in financial department
i think theyre too.. boring
u sit on your desk
looking at numbers n papers n numbers n papers
and some worried clients in between those
its depressing
i wouldnt be able to stand doing such monotonous job
meeting the clients would be a better part for me
but then again, i hate going too technical
i enjoy looking more at the psychological and philosophical aspects of things
eventho i tend to analyze them into details beforehand
the only thing that makes a little sense in my life
is probably music
its something that i really cant live with
well i could
but if u know me
everywhere i go, whatever it is i do, i gotta have some music in my ear
but then again, im not that good of a musician
how the heck am i supposed to be called a musician when i cant play things properly
i could
but feels sloppy
i only have pretty good ear i think.. maybe its a gift from my evil piano teacher
who expected all piano students to have perfect pitch
so my ears are kinda developed
sounds funny, i could hear what sounds god, but i cant play anything that sounds good
maybe i shouldve chosen the sound engineer path in the first place
i dont have to write music, i could, but not required
i only have to make things sound good
ive considered that
argh
the only thing thats in my mind
is that how am i supposed to afford a house
moreover when its starting to cost even higher and higher
its hard to find a small house that costs less than half a million
how am i supposed to afford that when my net worth is negative gazillion bucks
my first goal is just to get out of debt asap
now i regret not doing that earlier when i kinda had the chance to FUCK
and i just wanna take a knife and slit my tummy
and squeeze all these fats out
take my shoulder blades out of my body
hammer it til its straight
i look like a fuckin 40 yo drinking bastard who sits in the corner office
man i really dont know where my life is going
if its a puzzle, its certainly ain't in good shape
messed up
might even contain pieces from other puzzles
get em mixed up.. and in the end wont be able to be finished n framed
i want to just say fuck life and goodbye to it
but nah, its too lame and emo
what am i supposed to do then?
i badly need some enlightment..
tho im still 2 yrs away from that LOL
i dunno..
i just dunno where im heading to with my life
i dont event know what i want
i know what i dont want, but i dont know what i want
im envious of those who have passion over certain things
not me..
i get bored too easily
i might find things to be fun for a while
but i can never stick to it for too long
makes it hard for me to decide what i want to do with my life
cos whatever i choose, i will do it halfheartedly
i kept believing that i will have this premonition about something really huge
maybe its just some wishful thinking
and i kept screaming in my head that life is moving too fast and tht i want it to stop for a while
but what's there to stop when im not even doing anything?
when im moving reaaaaally slowly
sometimes i just wanna tell myself what the fuck
also, i feel like an animal
in a rut
i have this flooding urge to have a family
i feel like a bird feeling ready to have little chicks
and looking around for little branches
so i can build a nest
in hope that some beautiful female would feel the same way
and are willing to lay her eggs in my nest
maybe thats why male dogs hump leg chairs
maybe they understand the feelings better than i do
and express it way better
back to my quarter life crisis
wait, i havent even left the topic yet
somewhat im trying to distant myself from others
whats with that?
the guy who hangs out with almost everyone
the guy who is always seen smiling, laughing, joking around with many ppl
all of a sudden wants to be a stranger to everyone
and im feeling this pressure
well everyone keeps asking me about this n that
about life
those are nothing
the pressure i did on myself after hearing what they say
is far more enormous
maybe im expecting too much of myself
makes me feel like just falling into some empty space
just keep falling til eternity
away from everything
with just wind in my ears
and voices in my head echoing as i fall back with arms wide open
FUCKING broke..
and yet im too picky about jobs
i think i chose the wrong major..
definitely.
i mean, why did i choose finance
when i dont even wanna work in financial department
i think theyre too.. boring
u sit on your desk
looking at numbers n papers n numbers n papers
and some worried clients in between those
its depressing
i wouldnt be able to stand doing such monotonous job
meeting the clients would be a better part for me
but then again, i hate going too technical
i enjoy looking more at the psychological and philosophical aspects of things
eventho i tend to analyze them into details beforehand
the only thing that makes a little sense in my life
is probably music
its something that i really cant live with
well i could
but if u know me
everywhere i go, whatever it is i do, i gotta have some music in my ear
but then again, im not that good of a musician
how the heck am i supposed to be called a musician when i cant play things properly
i could
but feels sloppy
i only have pretty good ear i think.. maybe its a gift from my evil piano teacher
who expected all piano students to have perfect pitch
so my ears are kinda developed
sounds funny, i could hear what sounds god, but i cant play anything that sounds good
maybe i shouldve chosen the sound engineer path in the first place
i dont have to write music, i could, but not required
i only have to make things sound good
ive considered that
argh
the only thing thats in my mind
is that how am i supposed to afford a house
moreover when its starting to cost even higher and higher
its hard to find a small house that costs less than half a million
how am i supposed to afford that when my net worth is negative gazillion bucks
my first goal is just to get out of debt asap
now i regret not doing that earlier when i kinda had the chance to FUCK
and i just wanna take a knife and slit my tummy
and squeeze all these fats out
take my shoulder blades out of my body
hammer it til its straight
i look like a fuckin 40 yo drinking bastard who sits in the corner office
man i really dont know where my life is going
if its a puzzle, its certainly ain't in good shape
messed up
might even contain pieces from other puzzles
get em mixed up.. and in the end wont be able to be finished n framed
i want to just say fuck life and goodbye to it
but nah, its too lame and emo
what am i supposed to do then?
i badly need some enlightment..