Mar 06, 2004 10:52
ive been thinking...if you can't make someone happy with anything you do...no matter how much effort or even if its not a lot of effort...what else CAN you do?? because i surely do not have a clue! soooo, thats why i decided that its best to just leave it alone, ya know just walk on it. i can't be on an emotional rollercoaster everyday of my life. it does a number on my stomach...going up and down all the time can cause someone to be nauseated. although i know everyone else has feelings, ive tried making people happy and when it fails all the time, i gotta just start making myself happy. i could see if i was happy by making other people happy, but its definately not the case. while trying to make other people happy, i am destroying my inner beauty, my happiness, and ive made up my mind that im not doin it anymore. i can't, my heart and mind will not let me, im very sorry. ive come clean nukka!
ive also decided i am going to lose weight. my diet is called gut-be-gone! haha, for senior trip i want to look at least decent, because right now i feel like wearing shorts with a bikini, maybe even a whole piece? who knows, but i know i am losing weight. people gonna be like, " damn girl fine" YEAH! OK!
im goin out tonight, i feel like dancing, and having a good time. i need to, i deserve it more than anything right now! so that is what i will do. as i am writing, i know i should be cleaning the room and the car. the room is a wreck there is clothes coming out of every direction, its just rediculous. clearly, i am goin to do it when i get off my ass, which will be now...
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears
holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight