I thought this was hilarious for some reason...maybe you will too.
Sweaters....from the Gargoyle Humor Magazine
Once upon a time there was aboy with a large collection of sweaters. Every day he would open his closet and look into his closet and say to his sweaters, "Soon I shall make from you, the fairest curtains in all the land, and you shall billow like the sunshine." He said this because at present he lived in a house with no windows, since he had removed the windows to use them as doors because he had taken off the doors to use them as sweaters. This made the boy extremely frightened at night, for that was when the wolves came, and at any moment one of them could enter in through the windows and steal his closet. So the boy would stand guard with an axe and look out from his red telescope, watching intently for the slightest sign of the enemy while periodically not doing this at all. Then one night...Oh No! A wolf came in through the windows!
"Rooaar!!" said the wolf.
"Stay away from my sweaters!" screamed the boy, shaking his sweater, ready to chop.
"Never!!" said the wolf. "For I am not even a wolf but the infamous terrible grandpa with a grandson that calls me 'Papps' so I have come for your sweaters!!"
"Never! That cannot be true!" said the boy, in fear and astonishment.
"Snarl! Snarl! Bite. Oh but it is! Hooowl!!!!!"
"But if that is true...then...then, I am your grandson! Papps! Oh my goodness!"
The wolf was dumbfounded. "This cannot be!" He stammered. "Is it? Is it? Goodness bless it is! My grandson...Puzzled look! Pant Pant?"
Just then the wolf started to cry and rushed over to his grandson and they both each other in a warm embrace, laughing the sweet laughter of life. The boy put on some tea and the wolf started a fire and they both sat down to enjoy their tea by the fire.
Then the wolf said, "Boy I sure am tired, think I'll hit the hay, eh, Grandson! Ha hahaha! Puzzled look."
"Sure thing, Pappy. But there's just one thing...I am not really your grandson...I'm really nana! Roooaaaaar!!" And then the boy tore off his mask, grabbed a shovel, and hit the wolf in the space between his nose and lip, cutting off his teeth and spraying blood all over the floor, that the wolf then slipped in and smacked into the fire place.
Quickly the boy leapt onto the wolf's chest and repeatedly pounded him in the soft spot under his chin, creating a hole that the boy filled with ammonia and, after grinding the poor wolf's collar bone in with both knees undil they snapped and collapsed into his lungs, lit the wolf on fire. With one final yelp, the wolf crashed through a window and died a terrible, terrible death. In a sigh of relief the boy dusted himself off and had a nap. Then, after a bowl of cereal, he skinned the wolf to make a sweater out of his fur. Which is how the first sweater ever was made.
Once upon a time there was aboy with a large collection of sweaters. Every day he would open his closet and look into his closet and say to his sweaters, "Soon I shall make from you, the fairest curtains in all the land, and you shall billow like the sunshine." He said this because at present he lived in a house with no windows, since he had removed the windows to use them as doors because he had taken off the doors to use them as sweaters. This made the boy extremely frightened at night, for that was when the wolves came, and at any moment one of them could enter in through the windows and steal his closet. So the boy would stand guard with an axe and look out from his red telescope, watching intently for the slightest sign of the enemy while periodically not doing this at all. Then one night...Oh No! A wolf came in through the windows!
"Rooaar!!" said the wolf.
"Stay away from my sweaters!" screamed the boy, shaking his sweater, ready to chop.
"Never!!" said the wolf. "For I am not even a wolf but the infamous terrible grandpa with a grandson that calls me 'Papps' so I have come for your sweaters!!"
"Never! That cannot be true!" said the boy, in fear and astonishment.
"Snarl! Snarl! Bite. Oh but it is! Hooowl!!!!!"
"But if that is true...then...then, I am your grandson! Papps! Oh my goodness!"
The wolf was dumbfounded. "This cannot be!" He stammered. "Is it? Is it? Goodness bless it is! My grandson...Puzzled look! Pant Pant?"
Just then the wolf started to cry and rushed over to his grandson and they both each other in a warm embrace, laughing the sweet laughter of life. The boy put on some tea and the wolf started a fire and they both sat down to enjoy their tea by the fire.
Then the wolf said, "Boy I sure am tired, think I'll hit the hay, eh, Grandson! Ha hahaha! Puzzled look."
"Sure thing, Pappy. But there's just one thing...I am not really your grandson...I'm really nana! Roooaaaaar!!" And then the boy tore off his mask, grabbed a shovel, and hit the wolf in the space between his nose and lip, cutting off his teeth and spraying blood all over the floor, that the wolf then slipped in and smacked into the fire place.
Quickly the boy leapt onto the wolf's chest and repeatedly pounded him in the soft spot under his chin, creating a hole that the boy filled with ammonia and, after grinding the poor wolf's collar bone in with both knees undil they snapped and collapsed into his lungs, lit the wolf on fire. With one final yelp, the wolf crashed through a window and died a terrible, terrible death. In a sigh of relief the boy dusted himself off and had a nap. Then, after a bowl of cereal, he skinned the wolf to make a sweater out of his fur. Which is how the first sweater ever was made.