*sigh*
lets see...
things just keep getting harder.
so i get an offer from terrance and ma and they want me to go to florida with them in Feb. sounds great, it really does, but i just have so much here. friends, family, work, house. but florida would be a totally new experience. a chance to get away from the rutine... the norm. hmmm... its so tempting, but i dunno if its best for me. i so wanna go and try to start a band and go to school.
another subject thats been bothering me is women. i dunno how i feel about them anymore. i mean like, not knowing if im interested in women, but like, what im looking for. i really dont know what kind of a girl is "my" kind of girl. i know its somthing i should feel, but the feeling has become a stranger. maybe i just really dont want a relationship. i dunno, its all fucked up.
so tre's outta boot camp, havent gotten to see him yet. he needs a job i guess... westborn is hiring, but i dunno if he'd wanna do that. its an option tho. its always good to have options, that way your never stuck or trapped into doing one thing. i guess i shouldnt be so bitchy about having all these decisions to make... but its really hard when they're all so big and they all have to do with my biggest desires, music, military, police... shit like that.
been hanging out with terrance and pat mostly... tho not together i go up to pats work just about every nite after i get off of work and chill with him for an hour or so. when i can make it out to terrances, we jam or smoke or something... never anything really productive. ive been chillin with louie a lil more than i was... thats always a good thing... hes really got his head in the right place now, hes doin good for himself. i have to say im quite jealous. hes got a band, job, skool, car.
*insert brain fart here*
i dont think im happy with myself at all. i dont like who ive become, i dont like me phyisically. i just dont care about myself.. which is a major disadvantage. i used to have so many friends, now im down to a meare (sp) handfull, which are great, dont get me wrong, i would do anything for you guys (you should know who you are) but there just used to be so much more. every1 has left or changed on me. i feel very abandoned i think. or have i abandoned the ones i love? have i totally left every1 jsut a shell of what i used to be? i think when i lost my violent side, i lost more. im not violent anymore, i dont get mad, i dont get loud, i dont always wanna fight, even if provoked, i dont wanna fight anymore... which is a good thing, but ever since ive felt this way, i have really lost alot of friends. ive even noticed that im in general alot quieter than i used to be. i space out alot more, i think alot more. i just dont have the drive i used to have. i lose interest in jamming even.
well i guess ima stop ranting and raving about stupid shit. later
-Kel
things just keep getting harder.
so i get an offer from terrance and ma and they want me to go to florida with them in Feb. sounds great, it really does, but i just have so much here. friends, family, work, house. but florida would be a totally new experience. a chance to get away from the rutine... the norm. hmmm... its so tempting, but i dunno if its best for me. i so wanna go and try to start a band and go to school.
another subject thats been bothering me is women. i dunno how i feel about them anymore. i mean like, not knowing if im interested in women, but like, what im looking for. i really dont know what kind of a girl is "my" kind of girl. i know its somthing i should feel, but the feeling has become a stranger. maybe i just really dont want a relationship. i dunno, its all fucked up.
so tre's outta boot camp, havent gotten to see him yet. he needs a job i guess... westborn is hiring, but i dunno if he'd wanna do that. its an option tho. its always good to have options, that way your never stuck or trapped into doing one thing. i guess i shouldnt be so bitchy about having all these decisions to make... but its really hard when they're all so big and they all have to do with my biggest desires, music, military, police... shit like that.
been hanging out with terrance and pat mostly... tho not together i go up to pats work just about every nite after i get off of work and chill with him for an hour or so. when i can make it out to terrances, we jam or smoke or something... never anything really productive. ive been chillin with louie a lil more than i was... thats always a good thing... hes really got his head in the right place now, hes doin good for himself. i have to say im quite jealous. hes got a band, job, skool, car.
*insert brain fart here*
i dont think im happy with myself at all. i dont like who ive become, i dont like me phyisically. i just dont care about myself.. which is a major disadvantage. i used to have so many friends, now im down to a meare (sp) handfull, which are great, dont get me wrong, i would do anything for you guys (you should know who you are) but there just used to be so much more. every1 has left or changed on me. i feel very abandoned i think. or have i abandoned the ones i love? have i totally left every1 jsut a shell of what i used to be? i think when i lost my violent side, i lost more. im not violent anymore, i dont get mad, i dont get loud, i dont always wanna fight, even if provoked, i dont wanna fight anymore... which is a good thing, but ever since ive felt this way, i have really lost alot of friends. ive even noticed that im in general alot quieter than i used to be. i space out alot more, i think alot more. i just dont have the drive i used to have. i lose interest in jamming even.
well i guess ima stop ranting and raving about stupid shit. later
-Kel