I Hate When I Get Like This..
Especially when I don't have a reason to. How have I survived my demented world? How? I had something so great... and Tim was literally the best man that has ever been in my life. He was always there for me. So why have I just thrown all that away? I mean, it was so perfect. Yet, I still got like this... like I always do.
Why is it impossible for me to be loved... or hold on to it. I mean, no doubt had it not been for my strange yearning for something that I currently do not posess... me and Tim would be together and things would be okay. But that's it.... they would only be okay. Not that Tim is not what I want. I do want him. But I need to find something else before... something...
Lord... what is wrong with me. I am truly destined to be a cat lady.
Last night however... Karl said something to me that made me feel ... well know.. my decision was valid. He said, "If you feel constricted with Tim then it's not right" God, how easy was that?
Okay... so if it was right what I did... why am I in this oh, so familiar place yet, once again. I hate this. I hate all of this. I hate myself.... and I am so tired of trying to figure out my own insane mind. To interpret things... to figure out what the hell I am doing... because I don't know. I'm just... I'm so sick of this. It makes me sad.
Why is it impossible for me to be loved... or hold on to it. I mean, no doubt had it not been for my strange yearning for something that I currently do not posess... me and Tim would be together and things would be okay. But that's it.... they would only be okay. Not that Tim is not what I want. I do want him. But I need to find something else before... something...
Lord... what is wrong with me. I am truly destined to be a cat lady.
Last night however... Karl said something to me that made me feel ... well know.. my decision was valid. He said, "If you feel constricted with Tim then it's not right" God, how easy was that?
Okay... so if it was right what I did... why am I in this oh, so familiar place yet, once again. I hate this. I hate all of this. I hate myself.... and I am so tired of trying to figure out my own insane mind. To interpret things... to figure out what the hell I am doing... because I don't know. I'm just... I'm so sick of this. It makes me sad.