On my mind..
Is there ever something that you wish would have happened differently? and you play that moment over and over again in your head until it hurts.
I need to get things out of my head and sort of lay them out there.. meaning that this is another wound to myself in the same spot for years, and it isn't going away.. and it isn't getting any better.
For me it is someone who I have liked more than anybody, and who has been the one person who I sort of 'run back' to when everything else sucks. To this person, I mean nothing to him.. but I have had nights where I did cry myself to sleep thinking why not me..? You can change yourself for people, it doesn't work, you could put yourself out there and take a risk and tell that person how you feel, and possibly have some closure to the situation. I have tried it before, you know bringing some closure to myself in hope everything would turn out alright. Nothing ever seems to go my way though, and it ends up as just another fling with the same person repeatedly, nobody knows about it because he feels ashamed to maybe had something there. So what if you are of a different stereotypical group. You are being egotistical and sinister to yourself and to me, by showing me that you were just 'messing around' again. It would be my fault for letting you, but it would also be your fault for leading me on again as you had in the past. I dont trust a lot of people, trust is something that you earn.. but for you.. I always have hope that maybe.. maybe.. I can trust you to not hurt me this time. You wouldn't know what its like to see somebody who you care about more than most things with somebody who you know will end up breaking their heart.. and you cant help but think why would they decide be so vunerable and put themselves in such a situation when there are people whos last thing that they would do would be to hurt them. When they are with the one person who you know is wrong for them..
But sometimes.. there is nothing that you can say or do to change their mind...
I need to get things out of my head and sort of lay them out there.. meaning that this is another wound to myself in the same spot for years, and it isn't going away.. and it isn't getting any better.
For me it is someone who I have liked more than anybody, and who has been the one person who I sort of 'run back' to when everything else sucks. To this person, I mean nothing to him.. but I have had nights where I did cry myself to sleep thinking why not me..? You can change yourself for people, it doesn't work, you could put yourself out there and take a risk and tell that person how you feel, and possibly have some closure to the situation. I have tried it before, you know bringing some closure to myself in hope everything would turn out alright. Nothing ever seems to go my way though, and it ends up as just another fling with the same person repeatedly, nobody knows about it because he feels ashamed to maybe had something there. So what if you are of a different stereotypical group. You are being egotistical and sinister to yourself and to me, by showing me that you were just 'messing around' again. It would be my fault for letting you, but it would also be your fault for leading me on again as you had in the past. I dont trust a lot of people, trust is something that you earn.. but for you.. I always have hope that maybe.. maybe.. I can trust you to not hurt me this time. You wouldn't know what its like to see somebody who you care about more than most things with somebody who you know will end up breaking their heart.. and you cant help but think why would they decide be so vunerable and put themselves in such a situation when there are people whos last thing that they would do would be to hurt them. When they are with the one person who you know is wrong for them..
But sometimes.. there is nothing that you can say or do to change their mind...