oh but rest assure, i'll keep mine twice as far
so i just went on a shower-long rant in my head, and now i feel the need to attempt to capture it on paper (or on computer) for future reference.
over the past few months i've been reevaluating my past "romantic" relationships and what i'd do again, what i've learned and what i'll attempt to stray away from in the future. i would never take back what's happened (because it was damn fun most of the time), but i'd also never want to do it again. i can officially say that my hiatus from men has ended, but that's not to say i'm jumping in head-first with my nose plugged and eyes shut. in fact, i'm damn picky now. i take dating kinda seriously now. i mean, there's hearts at stake and we arent 20 years old anymore toto.
my first conclusion is that once you break up with someone, you probably shouldnt date them again. i know this is an obvious one for most, but i'll try just about anything twice, which for good or bad, includes boys. unless that person is the love of your life (which you should have an idea of) its just asking for heartache. i'm 99% sure i'm over this phase.
when it comes to the "ritual" of dating, i'm not the type of person who wants to lead people on or try to get things out of boys. in fact, i kinda think its a dick move. i'm not judging anyone else, its just not my style. if you buy me a drink, 9 times out of 10 i'll get the next one. i feel bad going on dates when i'm just not into the datee. i dont want a free dinner, and i dont want to waste your or my time. my crushes come and go and some i act on and some i dont, but once i make a decision, either i'm in or i'm out. there's just no in-between.
further, i dont want to date someone just because they're "nice". bob vila seems nice, dont want to date him. this also applies to dating someone "because its been a while" or "because it makes sense." when i do decide to date someone, i want to date them because i find them sexy, smart and funny and they make me want to be a better person. i want someone who's intriguing and keeps me guessing and entertained. i want to date them because i'd rather spend time with them than without them. i also want to date them because they want to date me and are willing to put the time and effort into woo-ing me off my feet.
i'm not looking down on relationships by any means, they can be the bees knees. but the moral of the story is that until there's butterflies and fireworks, i'm perfectly happy with my main man zans. i'm happier now than i ever continuously was in a relationship and until proven otherwise, this gal is going solo. i have my friends to keep me company, myself to entertain me, work to keep me busy and the city to keep the future full of possibility.
