Nov 20, 2009 13:58
Title: Fragments
Author: blinkbling24
Pairing: Akame, Kokame
Genre: Angst, Romance, Smut
Rating: NC-17 (As there will be smut in subsequent chapters)
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own them, because if I did, this fic would be in video instead of just words.
Warning: Fic is unbeta-ed, so please excuse the grammer/spelling mistakes, if any.
Summary: In life and love, you can’t have everything that you want, or can you?
A/N: This is my first multi-chaptered fic. I don’t know how long this will be yet. I’ll see how it goes as I write. This story is set in the near past, but will go back to the further past and play around with the timeline quite a bit, and it might get a little messy. I’ll try to be as faithful to the timeline as possible, but my memory might not serve me well, and I might just change things a bit and add a few imaginary dates, using my creative license.
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Chapter 14
Mid April 2008 - Recording of the Don’t You Ever Stop PV
It was barely the crack of dawn. Jin was riding his bike through the quiet early morning streets. The sky was beginning to light up, with the sun just a slice of orange in the horizon. With his helmet visor up, he relished the cool spring breeze on his face, feeling the winds that he had summoned as his bike cut through the air move through his biker’s jacket. Ordinarily, he hated mornings, but this morning, it felt different. It was a new day, and Jin was, for the first time in a long time, somewhat at peace. It has been a while since he last saw Kame, their schedules had not crossed these couple of weeks. They had gotten all of the month’s filming of Cartoon KAT-TUN out of the way, and have been going for their separate photoshoots, and solo recordings for the new album. Perhaps the JE managers decided to separate Kame and Jin for the recordings based on the recent disaster. Whatever it was, Jin was thankful for the reprieve. The space gave him some time to think, before they got busy again promoting the new album and preparing for the concert tour, amidst the other regular things they had to do.
Kame had not replied his one and only email since the tryst, and even though it ate at Jin for a while, he gradually decided to let sleeping dogs lie, as the saying goes. He arrived at this decision after the recording of the Cartoon KAT-TUN “Jitsu wa Boku” episode. The air of animosity between him and Kame would never dissipate in Jin’s opinion, and he had somehow adopted the masochistic habit of observing Kame and Koki’s interaction with each other from afar. During that recording, he witnessed how Koki was so nervous performing his little piano piece, and how Kame’s eyes glowed with affection and pride, and encouraged Koki so sincerely. Jin had reluctantly acknowledged that there was warmth in that relationship, and if Kame so chose to stay with Koki, who was Jin to destroy what both of them had?
Spending some days with Yamapi also aided the process. Yamapi had a knack for dealing with Jin, particularly heavily drunk Jin. Yamapi would say things that needed to be said, even if it was things that Jin did not really want to hear.
“You’re bad for him, Jin.”
“Why can’t it be that he’s the one bad for me? I thought you are my friend.”
“I am, but at the moment, you are on the brink of breaking up something good. And as your friend, I have to try to stop you.”
“He launched himself at me, Pi.”
“Yes, but you mar his judgement. You’re his poison Jin.”
“Maybe I’m his drug, and he’s addicted to me.”
“Do you really want it to be like that Jin?”
“I….er…..”
“Koki is good for him, Jin. Koki’s good for his career, for his heart.”
“And I’m not?”
“You left, you idiot…how many times must people tell you that? You left him in the lurch. He had to shoulder everything by himself. It was Koki that saw him through thick and thin, not you.”
“But…he…I…”
“And furthermore, you’ll hurt Koki.”
Yamapi was right, of course. A person from outside looking in usually had a better perspective on things, and when Jin pushed all the rashness out of his thoughts, he saw what Yamapi saw, what everybody saw. Reluctantly, Jin told himself to let go, and when he finally released his grip a little, he realized that he could breathe better. It’s time to let go of what could have been and make the best of the present, Jin told himself. His amiable mood resulted in him agreeing to this ungodly call time. He parked his bike in the open air parking space outside of the film studio and swaggered his way to the dressing room where the hair stylist was waiting for him.
***
A roar of a motorcycle’s engine announced the arrival of Kame and Koki. It was a perfect spring morning and Koki had insisted on taking his bike out. Kame had smiled his consent while grabbing his very own helmet that hung on the wall of their apartment. Very seldom was Kame pillion when Koki rode - their schedules did not coincide that much, and when it did, Kame was usually the one that drove them to the wherever they were supposed to be.
Ever since he made the conscious decision to stay with Koki, Kame had tried to get other thoughts out of his head. Most times, he would do ok. Koki was, after all, an amazing person and Kame knew he was lucky to have him. But it was times like this, when things he did with Koki reminded him of things he did with Jin that made it a little bit difficult. He had to remind himself that glowing ember was safe and comforting, compared to menacing licks of flames that, although exciting, was dangerous. He did not want to get burnt, he had gotten hurt once and it was more than enough. Besides, why should he subject himself to emotional injury when he had someone that would protect him from it?
It was with this attitude that he entered the big grey container building that was the studio. Kame was aware that this was the first time in a couple of weeks that he would come face to face with Jin. He braced himself as Koki twisted the door knob to the dressing room.
“Good morning! You two are almost late!” They were greeted by a bright, toothy grin that belonged to Taguchi.
“The key word being ‘almost’, we’re not late yet”, Koki smiled his reply as he walked to the costume rack.
“Are you the only one here?” Kame drawled, pretending to look unconcerned as he scanned the room that was a mess of hair products, make-up, and various articles of clothing.
“The rest are already in costume. They left to stroll around the set. Apparently, we have a fully functional casino and pinball machines on set. I want to finish up this level before I join them,” Taguchi raised his Nintendo DS to prove his point.
So Kame had time to put his game face on. He always felt more confident being around Jin in costume, because it meant that it was work, and nothing more. It was easy for Kame to be professional, to hide his emotions behind the job. It was harder to keep his emotions in check outside of that safety net. He joined Koki at the rack, and frowned when he inspected the transparent garment bag with his name on it. In it was a dubious pair of socks that just screamed ridicule. He caught Koki’s amused look and sighed. At least it’d make for a funny “making of” video, if Maru had any say in it.
***
Civility was the order of the day, thought Jin when he saw Kame walk through the heavy double doors. He caught Kame’s gaze and nodded his greeting. He saw Kame’s eyes widen a little, perhaps shocked that Jin had acknowledged him first. When Kame tilted his head back in greeting with a slight smirk on his lips, Jin knew that Kame was being cautiously friendly, and it was enough for Jin.
Be friendly to Jin, be friendly to Jin, Kame kept chanting to himself as he walked up on set. He was determined to finish today’s filming without drama, but when he laid eyes on Jin, he did a double take. Jin just had to make it all that more complicated. He hitched a breath as he appreciated Jin with his hair braided and pinned back, accentuating his sharp jaw line that would normally be hidden behind messy tendrils. Kame managed a civil nod of greeting, but decided that he should just stick close to Koki, or any one of the other members, the rest of the day.
Their mutual ceasefire proved to be somewhat working. Jin helped Kame pick up his hat during the recording of the dance sequence, and it seemed like the most natural thing to do. He even heard Kame mutter a quiet word of thanks. Kame took part in a little Jin teasing with the rest of the gang, and it felt like a semblance of normalcy was being restored.
It wasn’t so hard, Kame prematurely admitted as he walked the corridors to the restroom after he finished his solo shoot. He was done for the day, and had already changed out of his costume into his day clothes. He was waiting around for Koki to be done so that they can leave together. Kame pushed open the restroom door and stepped up to the sink. He turned on the tap and splashed some water on his face, now devoid of the thick foundation that was caked on it almost the entire day. The cold water refreshed him, and got rid of some of the tired strain ever present in his features. He closed his eyes and cracked his neck. Just as he did so, he heard a toilet flush and someone stepped out of a stall behind him.
“Kame.”
Heaving a quiet breath, Kame opened his eyes to meet with Jin’s in the mirror. Jin was still in his costume as it was not yet his turn for the solo shoot. More disturbingly, Jin still looked as hot as he did in the morning with that hair, that jaw line.
“Jin.”
Jin stepped up to claim the sink next to Kame. It was an awkward couple of seconds as Jin washed his hands, and Kame, well, Kame just stood there, staring at Jin through the mirror. Jin flung his hands over the sink to shake off the excess droplets.
“Erm…Jin?”
Was Kame initiating conversation? Jin walked to the paper towel dispenser to mask his puzzlement.
“Yup, what’s up?”
Where was this casual manner coming from? Was Jin really not pursuing the issue?
“I’m…errr….sorry I didn’t reply your email.”
Kame could not believe he just said that. In embarrassment, he too walked up to grab a paper towel and dried his face with it.
“Oh, erm, I wasn’t expecting one. I shouldn’t have sent it.”
Did it really not matter anymore? Kame froze slightly.
“Remember how you said you wanted to be a friendly colleague?”
“Yes, I did say that.” Jin raised an eyebrow, and Kame had to look away from the sheer effect that tiny movement had on him.
“I would like that. It would be good for KAT-TUN.”
“Ok.” All for the good of KAT-TUN, as usual, Jin thought bitterly.
“Ok?"
“Yeah,” Jin shrugged, “I said ok, I can do that.”
“Don’t you want me anymore?” The question slipped out even before Kame could process it.
"WHAT?” Jin reeled. Kame never failed to throw a spanner into the works. He squeezed the area between his eyes with his thumb and index finger. “Kame, I’m tired. I don’t want to play anymore.”
“YOU’RE tired?!” Kame could not believe Jin just said that. If anyone were to be tired, it should be him, but he sucked it up and let it go. “Forget it. You’re right. Let’s not play anymore. In fact, let’s not fight anymore. Let’s not do anything that involves the two of us anymore.”
Jin nodded and stretched on his right hand, “Colleagues?” But even as he said the word, his heart mourned the loss of the friendship he used to have with Kame. Is this all it has been reduced to?
“Colleagues.”
Kame accepted Jin’s hand and shook it. Kame shook it for a long while, unable to let go. When he felt Jin try to pull away, he reached his left hand up to cup Jin’s cheek. He stroked the area behind Jin’s ear and Jin could not breathe. He looked into Kame’s eyes and saw sadness and resignation. But before he could react, before he could say anything, Kame leaned in and placed his lips to his ear.
“Goodbye, Jin.” Kame whispered, and then he was gone, leaving Jin standing there all alone, and, and……
Fuck.
***
The elevator button was about to loosen from Jin’s incessant pressing on it, and yet, the carriage was moving too slowly, trying his threadbare patience. Cursing loudly, he took to the stairs, as many at a time that he could manage without falling over, until he found himself at the front door, panting, breathless. Jin didn’t think much, even though thinking would hold him back from going through with it. There was not much space in his mind to think, all he knew was the insatiable want he felt in every fibre of his being that only one person could quell. Jin raised his fist and rapped loudly and repeatedly on the door.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK knockknockknockknock KNOCK!
The door swung open, and through his crazed eyes, Jin saw Kame’s expression change from annoyance to shock to confusion in that one millisecond. Jin pushed himself in and shut the door behind him, giving Kame no chance to protest.
“Is Koki home?” Jin said through pants and gritted teeth, steadying himself with a hand on the wall.
“What?! You come barging here, looking like you just ran a marathon, just to ask if Koki’s home?” Kame swallowed, trying to use sarcasm to mask whatever feeling that was swirling in him that he could not name.
Jin’s eyes never left Kame’s face, but he let his breathing regulate a little bit before he repeated his question, “Is Koki home?”
“No, he’s out with old high school friends and you should…..”
“Good.” Jin interrupted and before Kame could say anything more, he cupped Kame’s cheeks with both his hands and pulled Kame in for a desperate, desperate kiss. Jin closed his eyes and gripped the back of Kame’s head with his fingers, kissing, sucking, licking, pushing, until Kame’s back hit a wall in the living room.
As Jin’s lips landed on his, Kame’s first instinct was to return it with as much forbidden desire, with as much painful anguish that he felt in the way Jin kissed. But he did not, instead he fought within himself, not quite able to push Jin away, but trying with all his might not to encourage anything. When Kame felt his back hit the wall, he placed his hands on Jin’s arms, arms that were flexed so goddamn deliciously, and pushed to lower them from his face.
“Jin…” he could only murmur against hot lips, so hot, against his own, “Jin….no….”
“Kazuya….”Jin whispered with such reluctance as he moved off Kame. He pressed his sweaty forehead on Kame’s smooth one and looked deep into those wide caramel eyes.
Don’t look at me like that Jin. Kame tried to convey with his thoughts, but he was drowning, drowning in those pools filled with excruciating want, a want that mirrored his own, and he knew he could never win. He was exhausted, extremely exhausted, of holding it together, of being in control, of doing what was right.
“Jin, I……” Kame breathed as he tilted the back of his head to the wall and closed his eyes.
“Shhh….I know, I know……” Jin’s lips travelled gently down Kame’s jaw, suckling that soft spot where his jaw met his neck.
Kame sighed and brought his hands to Jin’s face, pulling it up to meet his lips. This time, Kame kissed Jin, slowly, savouring the very essence of Jin that took his breath away all those years ago. Jin accepted Kame’s tongue willingly, allowing, reciprocating every suck, every lick, every caress. Jin heard every single one of Kame’s silent sounds as they kissed, and he felt his heart melt into a puddle in the pits of his stomach. Jin closed the distance between their bodies, and grinded himself against Kame. He groaned as Kame hissed and bucked his hips, and suddenly, things were moving at a speed that was suffocating.
Their kiss became rougher, fiercer, chaffing. Their hands roamed everywhere they could touch, under their t-shirts, through the backs of their pants. The sounds, oh good god, the sounds that they were making, full of unrestrained lust, were burning Kame up. His eyes were shut tight, but he could see Jin clearly, Jin with his searing kisses and scorching touches. And Kame was on fire. The flames licked him everywhere, and as much as it hurt, he wanted more, he needed more.
Jin pushed away from Kame to yank his t-shirt over his head, watching with piercing dark eyes as Kame did the same. He reached for Kame’s chest to tweak Kame’s nipples just as Kame reached to rid Jin off his jeans and boxers. Kame’s loud cry caused Jin’s already rock hard cock to twitch, shamelessly standing rim rod straight, ready to claim what he knew was his. He rid Kame of his sweatpants, and hoisted Kame up only to have Kame’s legs wrap immediately around him.
There was no room for pause, no room for anything but the sweat of dirty dirty sex, steaming the little apartment. Blind, Jin searched for Kame as Kame lowered himself, and when he felt the hot velvet walls engulf his being, he emitted a growl so primal and caused Kame to shiver and bury his face in Jin’s shoulder. He responded to every single one of Jin’s hard thrust, feeling Jin’s cock dipping in and out, never feeling so filled, and it was so fucking good. He griped Jin harder as Jin snaked an arm to the front and began stroking Kame’s hard, painful cock.
“Oh..fuck…Jin…Jin….this…AH!..so…hnnn…wrong….” The guilt, the pleasure, the remorse, the very feel of Jin, was turning Kame on so much that he felt sick, but yet, did not want it to stop, he could not stop.
“But. Heargh. It. Feels. So. Fucking. Right.” Jin said with much effort to every single thrust, and as he felt Kame’s hands move down his back to push him further into him, all Jin could see was flashes of white behind his closed eyes.
As Jin’s strokes moved faster, more erratically, following the rhythm of his increasing thrusts, hitting Kame’s sweet sweet spot with undying persistence, Kame stiffened, feeling the pressure grow and tighten in his guts, before he jolted, spilling hot white semen between their bodies. He hugged Jin tighter as he relished his high, still fuelled by the thrusting, the perfect thrusting, hearing “Kazuya” over and over, until he felt Jin’s muscles tense, and then hot liquid filled him, scalding, blistering, molten.
What have we done?
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A/N: Finally momentum is picking up. Sorry it took so long. *looks down at feet* Tell me what you think.
On another note, how happy are you that Jin is having a solo concert?! I for one, am over the moon!!!
[fan fic] fragments