(no subject)
Well i haven't updated in more then 2 weeks. because I haven't been on the computer in 2 weeks. the first week i was grounded from the computer because i went on a walk and came back after 10 oclock and it was pitch dark outside. i guess im not suppose to do that. so during that week, well i dont remember much.
I went to see Emily. I kind of woke them up and I felt bad. We stood at the front door and talked until we realized we could just sit down and talk. So we did, from 2 oclock till when my mother furiously called because GODDAMMIT WERE GOING TO KHOLS SO GET YOUR ASS HOME. So i had to go. I always love talking to Emily, its never boring and I can just say anything.
We talked about how everyone has that person, you know.. "The one who got away." the one who may not always be there, but there always in the back of your mind. you find them in everybody, trapped and unreachable.
[ i just worry i won't see your face, light up again.]
so i went to see him. because im beyond pathetic, stupid, crazy.. it took me a while. believe it or not i couldn't speak. I can't even explain how I felt. I was so sad.. hearing his voice and then realizing, what if i never hear that again? "do u need something." "no." and he walked away. and i just kind of stood there, cause i couldn't move but i could feel the tears behind my eyes. so I just somehow walked away and didn't turn around. I hated myself at that moment. I couldn't hardly reach that point of beyond anything ever again. I've givin up before but those moments walking home I couldn't understand why I loved him. How I saw something beyond how he is with me. All i ever wanted was him to love me, and i hate atmitting that i know he never did, and knowing I always will. IM OUT, I WANT OUT.
[i loved you, and i should of said it, but tell me what has it ever meant.]
So saturday we left for myrtle beach. me, jenny, steph, and cameron. It didnt seem like a long ride, really. I wrote a little bit, and had to explain what emo was. and then we saw a real live emo guy, with his messanger bag and journal out. It was beautiful, I think.
I really dont remember everything that happened, so its not like i say everything and I'll probably leave stuff out. It was so fun though. We were on the 10th floor in the hotel, and randy threw a peach pit off of the balcony and it landed in the back of a convertable, and then we knocked on the people down the halls door and the guy came out and yelled at me. well it was like 1:30 in the morning but hell.
Met alot of cool people, i'll have pictures later. we swam alot, mostly at night in the middle of the night. the ocean was beautiful, and our hotel was right on it. me and steph were throwing stuff in the pool from the balcany like.. cream cheese bagels and gum? wonderfuL. we went to the hardrock cafe, which was hot