(no subject)
why cant families stay together? why does everyone judge so harshly? im sitting here watching someone very close to me change so dramatically. of all the things doctors cannot come up with a cure for. death cannot possibly be as bad as driving a person insane by making them lose everything. she knows shes losing it. because of that its so easy to get angry with it. but now its not even much anger as much as just being lost and completley dpendent on people. conversations are no longer conversations because no one bothers to give more than a few word response. they know it will be repeated in 5 minutes. i dont know when its gonna reach its worst but im not even there. it was a huge difference this time when i saw her 3 months ago. she doesnt even know why im half way across the country. sometimes its really really hard to be away. but im almost always away from something. i hate this! this sort of life plays with you a lot. my kid...has completely driven me insane. all she does is scream whine and cry. since no one else is barely ever with her they think its like terrible 2s or something. she gets so angry, scary angry. shell clench her teeth and squeeze something really hard for no reason. shell be playing barbies and the next minute chucks the barbie across the room screaming at the barbie and clenching her teeth doing this growl like thing. i just dont think its normal. its very difficult to deal with too. it gets really frustrating to where if anyone was near her the only healthy thing you can do for both of you is walk far away. last night i fell asleep on the floor while we were camping out in our living room with scooby doo. i was so drugged up yesterday all i wanted to do was get to sleep. i was half way awake. i turned on scooby doo again when she woke me up again. next thing i know im waking up at almost one in the morning to her crying she wants to play. she hast gone to bed yet. shes been playing in the dark watching scooby while im dozing on the carpet. i told her no more playing and she threw a massive fit. so instead of letting her sleep with me like i promised i couldnt deal with it. i put her in bed. she screamed and screamed and screamed. i checked on her. you could tell she was so over tired she didnt know what the hell to do. she ven laid down and sucked her bottle but as soon as i tucked her in she started to cry and scream again. i just walked away...nanny 911. its really difficult when its just kaylen and i constantly. shes gotten to be very stressful. im starting to think she has her daddys anger and theres nothing i can do about it.