(no subject)
its all in some great design. i feel hurt for a reason. life is not without problems even though...some feel like death. my life is taking a nap right now...sleeping off the fourth day of her unexplainable fever. whenever she gets sick my mind goes crazy like "will she wake up??" you hear all that crap about doctors missing something. sticking a light in her ear just isnt enough.
my mind is a mess right now. it feels like im just standing back in complete shock and trying to figure out how to clean it up. its like this giant puzzle. its really ironic on how right i was on the concept of life when i was 15.
people in this world...they are crazy. you jump on this boat of love and take sail with this unpredictable wind. you wave bye to all your family in friends without a doubt in your head youll be happier. you trust this person with your life. when your sad theyll be there. i woke up one morning and he was missing...and i was alone with this little girl. so scared i couldnt do it...i couldnt make it. that worry sat there everyday and just made you sick. you run in each direction trying to find a way out but people stand there like big fat stones blocking your path. you wait and wait and wait....sometimes it feels like youre waiting forever. that day comes and everything betrays you.
i learned everything i know about marriages from my parents and indian movies. NOT the best examples. the only thing that was good was the phrase that stuck in my head "im stuck." i didnt know this kind of unhappiness existed. 6 months may not seem like a long time to people but thats half of my lifetime. i live in these spurts. not exactly a week or a month.
this is my family...who thought how can i love my husband? i married him cause i was pregnant? no, i never felt safer.
i lived through a mini hell. i lived fear. i learned that i was worthless and all i could do was lie...to protect what? i had my chances to escape but i was stubborn. so i just hurt myself more and more and ran to every corner in my house hiding. telling the monsters to go away.
some part of me wanted to say you give me that finger one more time ill break it off. this was not sabrina. sabrina is what she admires in other people. strength, selflessness. anything for myself is selfish. if thats the case...im pretty spoiled. no...really i dont own anything expensive. just my daughter. shes priceless :D. i own her for the next 16 years.
my mind is a mess right now. it feels like im just standing back in complete shock and trying to figure out how to clean it up. its like this giant puzzle. its really ironic on how right i was on the concept of life when i was 15.
people in this world...they are crazy. you jump on this boat of love and take sail with this unpredictable wind. you wave bye to all your family in friends without a doubt in your head youll be happier. you trust this person with your life. when your sad theyll be there. i woke up one morning and he was missing...and i was alone with this little girl. so scared i couldnt do it...i couldnt make it. that worry sat there everyday and just made you sick. you run in each direction trying to find a way out but people stand there like big fat stones blocking your path. you wait and wait and wait....sometimes it feels like youre waiting forever. that day comes and everything betrays you.
i learned everything i know about marriages from my parents and indian movies. NOT the best examples. the only thing that was good was the phrase that stuck in my head "im stuck." i didnt know this kind of unhappiness existed. 6 months may not seem like a long time to people but thats half of my lifetime. i live in these spurts. not exactly a week or a month.
this is my family...who thought how can i love my husband? i married him cause i was pregnant? no, i never felt safer.
i lived through a mini hell. i lived fear. i learned that i was worthless and all i could do was lie...to protect what? i had my chances to escape but i was stubborn. so i just hurt myself more and more and ran to every corner in my house hiding. telling the monsters to go away.
some part of me wanted to say you give me that finger one more time ill break it off. this was not sabrina. sabrina is what she admires in other people. strength, selflessness. anything for myself is selfish. if thats the case...im pretty spoiled. no...really i dont own anything expensive. just my daughter. shes priceless :D. i own her for the next 16 years.