College #2!
Well, for starters, i feel like a large weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was struggling with some emotional issues reguarding guys. one in paticular. but im great now. however, i feel as though i cannot be 100% free of this untill i have moved on in a way that being single will not full-fill. This is because everytime I'm lonely or hurt i look back on the happiness i felt when i knew he cared about me. I remember the days when hearing the alert of a cashregister meant that next 5 minutes to 3 hours, however long our conversation would be, was going to be the highlight of my day. I miss knowning someone cares about me, because aside from my parents, i feel as though im not #1 in anyones life. because i know if something happened to anyone of my friends, i would not be the first one they would turn to. which is fine, i dont blame them for it... its just that feeling, when you go to bed and youre thinking of that one person... it was nice to know that he was thinking the same thing. I guess its more of a lack of self happiness than anything else. sometimes i wish we could still be friends, sometimes i wish he would change his mind and give this a second chance... but at the same time, i know it wouldnt work because i have no trust in him... and the biggest key to a long distance relationshop is trust.
but anyway... enough with that.
i love how the smallest little things can remind you of an old friend. a song, a movie, a quote. anything. it reminds you of a place in time that you can go recall in your memory for a little while. i know i shouldnt live in the past but its so much easier to look back on good times than to try to figure out my future. i have no idea what i want in life. not only do i not know what i want to do with my life career wise, but i dont even know WHO i want to be. college is suppose to be about figuring yourself out. but since ive been here ive only gotten more confused. maybe its just a long process of elimination. i know who and what i DONT want to be. so maybe if i keep eliminating ill eventually find the answer im looking for. i thought i was going to be making so many new friends up here but i feel like ive lost more than ive gained. dont get me wrong, theres so many awesome people i have met here, but theres also alot of awesome people i left behind, and im afraid that once people grow apart, they cant be put back together.
miss highschool. i know its weird but theres something about it. it was safe. it was fun. it was tedious and boring at times but it was such a comfort zone i cant even explain. i like the freedom of college. i like the responisiblity. but its also highly overrated. people here think its some sort of amazing thing to be able to drink on the weekends so thats allll anyone does. but okay ive been drinkin since 11th grade... well before then but we wont talk about that... and its overrated. i love going to partys and drinking maybe once a month but seriously ever thursday friday and saturday is ridiculous. get a life! and im sure theyre saying the same thing to me because i would rather hang out and watch a baseball game than get hammered on beer. oh well.
theres two things i want to come out of my freshman year with...
1. a better grip on reality. i think im pretty smart for my age, and although i havnt had any astonishing experiences, i think i have an okay idea of how the world works.
2. a relationship... not necessarly a boyfriend, alothough that wouldnt be bad, but a friendship with a guy, girl, or God. I need something strong and faithful in my life to grow around.
well thats about it now.. im done venting!
but anyway... enough with that.
i love how the smallest little things can remind you of an old friend. a song, a movie, a quote. anything. it reminds you of a place in time that you can go recall in your memory for a little while. i know i shouldnt live in the past but its so much easier to look back on good times than to try to figure out my future. i have no idea what i want in life. not only do i not know what i want to do with my life career wise, but i dont even know WHO i want to be. college is suppose to be about figuring yourself out. but since ive been here ive only gotten more confused. maybe its just a long process of elimination. i know who and what i DONT want to be. so maybe if i keep eliminating ill eventually find the answer im looking for. i thought i was going to be making so many new friends up here but i feel like ive lost more than ive gained. dont get me wrong, theres so many awesome people i have met here, but theres also alot of awesome people i left behind, and im afraid that once people grow apart, they cant be put back together.
miss highschool. i know its weird but theres something about it. it was safe. it was fun. it was tedious and boring at times but it was such a comfort zone i cant even explain. i like the freedom of college. i like the responisiblity. but its also highly overrated. people here think its some sort of amazing thing to be able to drink on the weekends so thats allll anyone does. but okay ive been drinkin since 11th grade... well before then but we wont talk about that... and its overrated. i love going to partys and drinking maybe once a month but seriously ever thursday friday and saturday is ridiculous. get a life! and im sure theyre saying the same thing to me because i would rather hang out and watch a baseball game than get hammered on beer. oh well.
theres two things i want to come out of my freshman year with...
1. a better grip on reality. i think im pretty smart for my age, and although i havnt had any astonishing experiences, i think i have an okay idea of how the world works.
2. a relationship... not necessarly a boyfriend, alothough that wouldnt be bad, but a friendship with a guy, girl, or God. I need something strong and faithful in my life to grow around.
well thats about it now.. im done venting!