Icing on the shit cake!
Well I'll be. Everyone is getting married and now it is official that my ex boyfriend and the true love of my life is married. I feel like total and complete shit! I want to be happy and I want to graduate and I want to get married and have kids!!!!! I can't stand being with Zach anymore! I hate him so much! Mom was in Boone last weekend and he showed her his true side while he was at my apartment for lunch with us Sunday afternoon!!!! I couldn't believe him! I swear! I try to do nice things for him but from now on screw him! I'm going to start the tie severing now so that it will be easy to end it when I come home for good. I don't want anything more to do with him!!! I want a grown man that is ready to settle down...not a lot older than me...but someone that is actually taking responsibility for his age!
I think after all the sadness and horrible way that I have been treated, I deserve a nice guy that is going to treat me right! I miss Joseph so much damnit!! I can't believe that he got married! He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I just let him slip through my fingers! I just want to be happy! So why can't I??
To top all of this off, there is a grown man that is 12 years older than me hitting on me!! He used to work with Zach and I can't figure out why he is hitting on me so badly! I need to stop egging it on. At first it was fun but now it is getting a little creepy! It's the fact that he calls me sexy and he texts me all freaking day, though he did not start till about 5 today. Yesterday he started at 6am!! I couldn't believe it!! I was still sleeping! UGH!!
I hate my life so much sometimes. I'm sitting here chatting with Joseph and putting on a front for his sake. Maybe it is more for my sake. I don't want him to know that I feel this way. I will NEVER stop loving him! He was my first real boyfriend and I have loved him since I met him. I think that we should have tried to make it work. Then I never would have gone to Appalachian...and I would have graduated this May and I would be married now. That's about the only thing that I have on my mind!!! Other than the dreams that I have been having. I have been dreaming that I'm back in high school with Bryan, Tim, Zach, Jason and the rest of them. It is junior year and we are all in the same grade. Zach and I had dated our sophomore year and then broke up because he hit me. Well the next year I decided to date Jason...he had hit on me plenty enough that I really started liking him. We fall in love and everything. So this is kinda making me wonder if I have feelings for Jason. I'm honestly not sure. As far as I know he's not a Christian...so mom and dad would not approve.
I just don't know what to do. I need to pray about it I guess. I only have about 16% left on my battery so I'm gonna jet outta here...
I think after all the sadness and horrible way that I have been treated, I deserve a nice guy that is going to treat me right! I miss Joseph so much damnit!! I can't believe that he got married! He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I just let him slip through my fingers! I just want to be happy! So why can't I??
To top all of this off, there is a grown man that is 12 years older than me hitting on me!! He used to work with Zach and I can't figure out why he is hitting on me so badly! I need to stop egging it on. At first it was fun but now it is getting a little creepy! It's the fact that he calls me sexy and he texts me all freaking day, though he did not start till about 5 today. Yesterday he started at 6am!! I couldn't believe it!! I was still sleeping! UGH!!
I hate my life so much sometimes. I'm sitting here chatting with Joseph and putting on a front for his sake. Maybe it is more for my sake. I don't want him to know that I feel this way. I will NEVER stop loving him! He was my first real boyfriend and I have loved him since I met him. I think that we should have tried to make it work. Then I never would have gone to Appalachian...and I would have graduated this May and I would be married now. That's about the only thing that I have on my mind!!! Other than the dreams that I have been having. I have been dreaming that I'm back in high school with Bryan, Tim, Zach, Jason and the rest of them. It is junior year and we are all in the same grade. Zach and I had dated our sophomore year and then broke up because he hit me. Well the next year I decided to date Jason...he had hit on me plenty enough that I really started liking him. We fall in love and everything. So this is kinda making me wonder if I have feelings for Jason. I'm honestly not sure. As far as I know he's not a Christian...so mom and dad would not approve.
I just don't know what to do. I need to pray about it I guess. I only have about 16% left on my battery so I'm gonna jet outta here...