I Can't Lose You [KiChul]
Title: I Can't Lose You
Prompt: #027. Replacement
Pairing: KiChul
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone as always.
Summary: KiBum knew it the whole time but didn't want to hear it from HeeChul. He was so scared of this conversation. But he knew he couldn't avoid it forever.
HeeChul looked out of the window, lost in his own thoughts. He didn't know what he should do anymore. Should he just give up? Should he tell the truth finally? Actually he had never lied, it's just that he didn't told all his secrets. Maybe he should let it be how it was now. No, he couldn't take it anymore. He had to talk to him now.
So HeeChul stood up with a sigh and left the room, wandering through the dorms in search of KiBum.
"KiBummie?" he asked carefully as soon as he had found him. KiBum seemed to be kind of annoyed and angry. Or upset? HeeChul didn't know. He thought whether this was the right moment to talk, but it was too late to back away anymore.
"Hm?" KiBum looked up from his book, a smile spreading across is face when he recognized HeeChul. "Oh, Hyung."
HeeChul forced himself to smile as well. "Can we talk, KiBummie?"
"Ehm..." KiBum looked at his watch. "No, sorry, I've to go due to my busy schedule you know," the younger explained and got up to kiss HeeChul on the cheek. After that, he left the room, let HeeChul standing there on his own. Speechless. What was wrong with KiBum? Why did he have to go all of a sudden? HeeChul was sure, KiBum had nothing to do for his schedule. At least not now.
HeeChul sighed. How could KiBum just refuse to talk to him?
Maybe he knew it already, HeeChul thought.
No, he couldn't. How would he even know?
HeeChul tried to clear his thoughts. Then he would just wait, KiBum would come back later. HeeChul couldn't believe himself, but he really couldn't live like that anymore. He had to tell KiBum. He felt guilty.
---
KiBum had escaped to his photo shoot. He had to be there only in two hours, but wasn't ready to talk to HeeChul just now. He knew what HeeChul wanted to talk about. He knew everything the whole time. Even though he didn't understand HeeChul why he was like that, he still wasn't mad or anything. Maybe it was because he loved him too much. He knew himself, it was crazy to love a man like that, but what could he do?
Nothing.
He had wondered why HeeChul was like that, but he couldn't find an answer.
He went outside to inhale the fresh air. What should he do now? He didn't know.
Did he even have a chance to avoid the conversation? Did he have a chance to just live like that when HeeChul now finally wanted to talk about it?
KiBum had to face HeeChul. Sooner or later, he had to face his biggest fear.
But sooner came faster than he thought.
---
"KiBum, stop it. Stop avoiding me. You can't run away from me forever," HeeChul said when KiBum came back to the dorms.
KiBum knew it, but still he wasn't ready to talk.
"Fine, I really have to talk to you. Now come with me," HeeChul demanded and dragged KiBum to his room. HeeChul locked the door and kept the key with him. KiBum wasn't allowed to escape. He had to listen.
KiBum sighed. He knew, he had lost. "I'm tired, Hyung. Hurry and tell," he said in hope that HeeChul would have mercy and just let him alone. But his hope got distroyed when HeeChul pushed KiBum down to sit on the bed.
"KiBummie, I have to tell you something. I'm really sorry for it but I-" HeeChul started but KiBum interrupted him with panic.
"Stop, Hyung!"
HeeChul looked at the other in confusion.
"Wait, please."
HeeChul rolled his eyes. "Don't speak when I'm talking," he hissed.
KiBum looked scared at the ground, murmuring a quiet apology.
"Fine, so where was I? Ah, yes, so..." HeeChul began again.
Please don't say it, please not, I don't want to hear it! Please! KiBum pleaded silently.
"You know, I was really close to HanGeng a few weeks ago, right? Before we got together."
KiBum just nodded. Please, stop now! Don't say it, don't say it, was the only thing he could think of.
"I still love him a lot, KiBum," HeeChul eventually admitted.
KiBum knew it. He knew it all along, but he couldn't take it when HeeChul finally say it to him. Tears formed in his eyes. He looked to the ground, so that HeeChul couldn't see his face.
"I'm sorry, KiBum. I didn't treat you right, I-"
"I know, you cheated on me, Hyung. But don't say it yourself," KiBum quickly said, suppressing his tears.
HeeChul starred at the younger one in front of him in disbelief and shock. He knew it the whole time?
"KiBum, I really do love HanGeng. I-" HeeChul wanted to start again, but KiBum interrupted him once more.
"I know it, Hyung. I said don't tell me. I know it myself, I'm only a replacement. I'm nothing for you. I know it, okay? So don't say it to me! I can't take it to hear it from your own mouth," KiBum sobbed, eventually looking up with desperate in his eyes.
At first, HeeChul didn't know what to say. He was right. He was only a replacement. Slowly HeeChul just asked one of the two questions that were on his mind. "Why didn't you break up with me then?"
KiBum looked down again in shame. "I-I...I love you, Hyung. I don't want to lose you."
HeeChul glared at the younger. How could he just live like that? Suffering all the pain without trying to ease it? HeeChul himself was so mad at HanGeng when he had found out that he had cheated on him with SiWon. HeeChul immadiately broke up with him without thinking twice.
"Where-" HeeChul wanted to ask why KiBum knew everything the whole time but he didn't dare to. KiBum's face was pale and suddenly HeeChul noticed all the pain that was there over the past weeks. He had hurt KiBum so much. He himself knew how it felt when someone betrays you, so why did he cause KiBum the same pain he had suffered already?
"I'm so sorry, KiBum," he quietly said. "When you won't break up with me, I'll do. I won't hurt you anymore. I see your pain, I see how you suffer and it kills me inside."
"No, no, Hyung, please don't!" KiBum cried now louder. He didn't want to lose HeeChul. He only could take the pain because he knew, HeeChul was still there. He wasn't his, but he still spent time with him. He made him happy. He made him forget the pain, he made him smile. So what should he do when he would lose HeeChul now? He was alone. He wouldn't be able to live like that.
"KiBum..."
"Hyung, I can't live without you. I can't lose you."
"You won't lose me. We'll stay friends. I promise. I'll be there for you. But understand me, I can't change my love for him. Don't let me hurt you even more," HeeChul said softly and embraced KiBum. "I'm sorry for everything. Give me some time. I can't face you now after what I've done," HeeChul said. He let go of KiBum and left the room.
KiBum looked after him in shock. But I still love you, Hyung...
AN: not beta-ed as always and again too lazy to read it again just now (i'll do it later), so sorry for the many mistakes, grammar and typos. hope u enjoyed it anyways... (:
thanks for reading and comment please if u liked it at least a little ^^
Prompt: #027. Replacement
Pairing: KiChul
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone as always.
Summary: KiBum knew it the whole time but didn't want to hear it from HeeChul. He was so scared of this conversation. But he knew he couldn't avoid it forever.
HeeChul looked out of the window, lost in his own thoughts. He didn't know what he should do anymore. Should he just give up? Should he tell the truth finally? Actually he had never lied, it's just that he didn't told all his secrets. Maybe he should let it be how it was now. No, he couldn't take it anymore. He had to talk to him now.
So HeeChul stood up with a sigh and left the room, wandering through the dorms in search of KiBum.
"KiBummie?" he asked carefully as soon as he had found him. KiBum seemed to be kind of annoyed and angry. Or upset? HeeChul didn't know. He thought whether this was the right moment to talk, but it was too late to back away anymore.
"Hm?" KiBum looked up from his book, a smile spreading across is face when he recognized HeeChul. "Oh, Hyung."
HeeChul forced himself to smile as well. "Can we talk, KiBummie?"
"Ehm..." KiBum looked at his watch. "No, sorry, I've to go due to my busy schedule you know," the younger explained and got up to kiss HeeChul on the cheek. After that, he left the room, let HeeChul standing there on his own. Speechless. What was wrong with KiBum? Why did he have to go all of a sudden? HeeChul was sure, KiBum had nothing to do for his schedule. At least not now.
HeeChul sighed. How could KiBum just refuse to talk to him?
Maybe he knew it already, HeeChul thought.
No, he couldn't. How would he even know?
HeeChul tried to clear his thoughts. Then he would just wait, KiBum would come back later. HeeChul couldn't believe himself, but he really couldn't live like that anymore. He had to tell KiBum. He felt guilty.
---
KiBum had escaped to his photo shoot. He had to be there only in two hours, but wasn't ready to talk to HeeChul just now. He knew what HeeChul wanted to talk about. He knew everything the whole time. Even though he didn't understand HeeChul why he was like that, he still wasn't mad or anything. Maybe it was because he loved him too much. He knew himself, it was crazy to love a man like that, but what could he do?
Nothing.
He had wondered why HeeChul was like that, but he couldn't find an answer.
He went outside to inhale the fresh air. What should he do now? He didn't know.
Did he even have a chance to avoid the conversation? Did he have a chance to just live like that when HeeChul now finally wanted to talk about it?
KiBum had to face HeeChul. Sooner or later, he had to face his biggest fear.
But sooner came faster than he thought.
---
"KiBum, stop it. Stop avoiding me. You can't run away from me forever," HeeChul said when KiBum came back to the dorms.
KiBum knew it, but still he wasn't ready to talk.
"Fine, I really have to talk to you. Now come with me," HeeChul demanded and dragged KiBum to his room. HeeChul locked the door and kept the key with him. KiBum wasn't allowed to escape. He had to listen.
KiBum sighed. He knew, he had lost. "I'm tired, Hyung. Hurry and tell," he said in hope that HeeChul would have mercy and just let him alone. But his hope got distroyed when HeeChul pushed KiBum down to sit on the bed.
"KiBummie, I have to tell you something. I'm really sorry for it but I-" HeeChul started but KiBum interrupted him with panic.
"Stop, Hyung!"
HeeChul looked at the other in confusion.
"Wait, please."
HeeChul rolled his eyes. "Don't speak when I'm talking," he hissed.
KiBum looked scared at the ground, murmuring a quiet apology.
"Fine, so where was I? Ah, yes, so..." HeeChul began again.
Please don't say it, please not, I don't want to hear it! Please! KiBum pleaded silently.
"You know, I was really close to HanGeng a few weeks ago, right? Before we got together."
KiBum just nodded. Please, stop now! Don't say it, don't say it, was the only thing he could think of.
"I still love him a lot, KiBum," HeeChul eventually admitted.
KiBum knew it. He knew it all along, but he couldn't take it when HeeChul finally say it to him. Tears formed in his eyes. He looked to the ground, so that HeeChul couldn't see his face.
"I'm sorry, KiBum. I didn't treat you right, I-"
"I know, you cheated on me, Hyung. But don't say it yourself," KiBum quickly said, suppressing his tears.
HeeChul starred at the younger one in front of him in disbelief and shock. He knew it the whole time?
"KiBum, I really do love HanGeng. I-" HeeChul wanted to start again, but KiBum interrupted him once more.
"I know it, Hyung. I said don't tell me. I know it myself, I'm only a replacement. I'm nothing for you. I know it, okay? So don't say it to me! I can't take it to hear it from your own mouth," KiBum sobbed, eventually looking up with desperate in his eyes.
At first, HeeChul didn't know what to say. He was right. He was only a replacement. Slowly HeeChul just asked one of the two questions that were on his mind. "Why didn't you break up with me then?"
KiBum looked down again in shame. "I-I...I love you, Hyung. I don't want to lose you."
HeeChul glared at the younger. How could he just live like that? Suffering all the pain without trying to ease it? HeeChul himself was so mad at HanGeng when he had found out that he had cheated on him with SiWon. HeeChul immadiately broke up with him without thinking twice.
"Where-" HeeChul wanted to ask why KiBum knew everything the whole time but he didn't dare to. KiBum's face was pale and suddenly HeeChul noticed all the pain that was there over the past weeks. He had hurt KiBum so much. He himself knew how it felt when someone betrays you, so why did he cause KiBum the same pain he had suffered already?
"I'm so sorry, KiBum," he quietly said. "When you won't break up with me, I'll do. I won't hurt you anymore. I see your pain, I see how you suffer and it kills me inside."
"No, no, Hyung, please don't!" KiBum cried now louder. He didn't want to lose HeeChul. He only could take the pain because he knew, HeeChul was still there. He wasn't his, but he still spent time with him. He made him happy. He made him forget the pain, he made him smile. So what should he do when he would lose HeeChul now? He was alone. He wouldn't be able to live like that.
"KiBum..."
"Hyung, I can't live without you. I can't lose you."
"You won't lose me. We'll stay friends. I promise. I'll be there for you. But understand me, I can't change my love for him. Don't let me hurt you even more," HeeChul said softly and embraced KiBum. "I'm sorry for everything. Give me some time. I can't face you now after what I've done," HeeChul said. He let go of KiBum and left the room.
KiBum looked after him in shock. But I still love you, Hyung...
AN: not beta-ed as always and again too lazy to read it again just now (i'll do it later), so sorry for the many mistakes, grammar and typos. hope u enjoyed it anyways... (:
thanks for reading and comment please if u liked it at least a little ^^