The End Of The Circle [SiChul]
Title: The End Of The Circle
Pairing: SiChul
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Summary: SiWon and HeeChul are sitting in a train, when SiWon recalls their memories.
AN: This is for kiroroety because she asked for some SiChul. ^_^ I imagined them sitting like this in the end, or similar to that. (>sorry, I'm not good at drawing<) The fic was inspired by the movie bl, because I love the train scene, just that in this fic, no one is dead :)
SiWon smiled a warm smile while he was holding HeeChul's hand, caressing the back of it with his thump gently.
HeeChul looked at him with a small smile in return. He seemed insecure, but SiWon looked past it, his expression telling HeeChul not to worry.
"Okay, tell me," HeeChul demanded slowly and SiWon nodded.
"Okay..."
>I was going to the swimming pool. I was so excited for I loved to go swimming. But when I went there, you were standing at the edge.
I was four that time and my mother held my hand while we went into the warm water. I had fun, trying to swim with my mother holding me for a few minutes, but when I looked at you the next time, you were still standing at the edge.
I asked my mother what you were doing there. She said you probably couldn't swim and were afraid to go in.
I continued to splash the water around when suddenly two boys came and pushed you. You fell into the pool and I screamed in shock because I suddenly realized my mother was right and you indeed couldn't swim.
My mother sat me on the edge and swam to you. She took you with her to me. You weren't crying. You probably were too shocked for that.
'Are you okay?' my mother asked worriedly.
You nodded without saying a word.
'Were are your parents?' she wanted to know, but you shook you head.
'You don't know?' She frowned and you looked into the water with a sad expression.
I felt sorry for you, but I didn't understand everything that was going on, so I asked my mother. 'Mum, can I play with him?'
'Why don't you ask him yourself?' my mother replied and I turned to you. 'Do you want to play with me?' I asked hesitantly and to my relief, you nodded. I smiled, but I also wondered if you couldn't talk because you didn't say anything yet.
We played in the children's pool while my mother went to look for your parents.
I tried to get you to talk to me, but you just refused to do so.
Eventually I gave up and we just played.<
"That's how we got to know each other," SiWon stated with a smile, still thinking about it.
HeeChul nodded, but he didn't say anything.
SiWon squeezed his hand for a brief moment, getting HeeChul's attention.
"Don't look like that," SiWon said with a pout and HeeChul forced himself to smile.
"That's better," SiWon said grinning.
"Where are we even going?" HeeChul asked, looking outside the window of the train they were sitting in.
"To my favorite place," SiWon answered.
"Oh," HeeChul murmured. His eyes scanned the city the train was going through. "Can you continue?"
"If you want me to."
"Yes, please."
"Alright," SiWon said and so, he started again.
>'SiWon, do you want your friend to come with us?' my mom asked me and I nodded. My family wanted to go to the zoo. I was seven.
I immediately ran to the phone to call you.
'Hello, here is SiWon. Can I talk to HeeChul?' I asked when a voice spoke on the other line. By now, I knew your name. Your mother had told us and she also explained that you didn't talk much since your father died in a car accident.
I hadn't had to wait long until I heard your voice on the other line. 'Hello?'
I smiled to myself when I informed you about our plan for today. 'Come with us to the zoo. My parents allowed it,' I said.
'No,' you simply answered. Your mother had told me once that you only talked to her and me on the phone.
'Why not? Oh, please! Please, HeeChullie!' I alwasy called you like that and I always pleaded until you gave in. 'I ask my mom,' you said and a minute later, I heard your voice once again. 'I'm on my way to you then.'
'Oh, thank you, HeeChullie! I'll wait for you!' I exclaimed and hung up.
I didn't really understand why, but my parents thought you were weird. Probably because you didn't talk much and it made me sad. But they wanted to make me happy, so they still let me invite you over. They knew I liked you really much.
When you came over, you only nodded. I smiled and hugged you happily. You hesitated, but hugged me back.<
"I'm so thankful that my parents had given me time to spend with you. I always liked you, you know," SiWon admitted with a chuckle.
HeeChul turned to look at him. An unreadable expression was on his face.
SiWon just lifted their hands to let them rest on his lap.
HeeChul looked out of the window once again. He looked up to the clouds and thought about the things, SiWon had told him. He sighed silently when he thought back to that past.
"Do you want me to tell you something else?" SiWon asked all of a sudden with a silent voice.
HeeChul looked at him briefly for a nod, before he looked out once again and SiWon started to talk, still caressing the other's hand gently.
>'HeeChullie, come over, so we can play something together!' I said, holding my phone close to my ear.
'Yeah. Ask your parents if I can sleep over at yours,' you replied and I immediately ran to my parents. I was ten back then.
My parents agreed because it was weekend.
You came over, as so often before, and again, I hoped you would stay, but you didn't.
You greeted my parents, smiled at me and went with your things to my room. You told me to be quiet and stay in my room, so I did. We told my parents that we would go to bed early. They believed us, but while I was sitting in my room, you climbed out of my window and left.
I sighed silently. I hated all the times you went out and left. I knew you were going to someone else's party or to visit your girlfriend, but it made me sad. I was your friend as well, after all.
Late at night, I was woken up by a knock on the window. I knew it was you and I jumped out of bed to let you in.
But this time, you weren't drunk or smiling or just happy. This time was different because you were sad. I frowned. It was rare seeing you sad.
'Is something wrong?' I asked you, but you shook your head.
'Nothing,' you said.
It had been the last time you talked to me for a long while.<
"I guess I'm sorry then," HeeChul mumbled quietly, after listening closely.
"Don't be," SiWon said with a reassuring smile.
HeeChul looked at him. He couldn't smile.
SiWon observed him carefully, getting lost in the other's beautiful eyes and he almost started to cry.
When HeeChul saw that, he felt sorry for him, he hadn't wanted all of this, but instead of comforting him, he pulled his hand away and turned to face the window.
SiWon watched him sadly. "Sorry, HeeChul," he murmured, blaming himself for HeeChul's reaction.
"What happened then? I mean...to us, to you...?" HeeChul silently asked. He knew he should be sad, but he wasn't. He felt sorry for SiWon, but he wasn't upset for what had happened.
SiWon swallowed, pushing his feelings away, and continued.
>I still spend my time looking after you. I always watched you. But you told me I was too young. I didn't want to waste my time and I realized that you didn't trust me like before anymore. You didn't tell me everything anymore. You had secrets you wouldn't share with me. It made me sad.
At least, I saw you talking more and more. You had changed. You had changed so much.
From an older friend of mine, I knew, that night, when I had first realized how big of a distance was between us, your girlfriend had broken up with you.
I had wanted to comfort you, but you wouldn't let me.
So I stayed away from you.
I saw you partying, making out with different girls, and...some boys. It was strange for me to understand for I was only thirteen at that time.
One day, I went to your home. Your mother greeted me. I was lucky because you were at home.
You came to the front door, but when you saw me, you lost your smile.
'I want to come with you to your next party, HeeChullie. I want to spend some time with you once again,' I said because I had missed the time with you.
'SiWon, you are too young. I don't want to be friends with someone who's only thirteen. Leave. I'm busy. I have someone here,' you told me and shut the door in front of me. This action hurt me really much. It sounded like it was the end of our friendship. And in fact, it was.<
"SiWon, please, why are you telling me this? Are there only sad things left?" HeeChul asked, now looking at SiWon with big eyes, reflecting that he understood the things SiWon had told him and that he really was sorry for it.
"Because an end is always a new beginning," SiWon explained. "Listen, let me continue," he stated and HeeChul listened when SiWon started once again.
>I was feeling down. I couldn't understand myself anymore. I had just come back from school and I was really confused about my feelings. There was a movie, we had watched in school, with a sex scene, but the strange thing was, that I got turned on...from the guy's swift movements. I was only sixteen that time and I just couldn't get it. I didn't understand why.
And while I was walking along the street, I bumped into someone.
It was you. I had forgotten about you, but the exact moment, our eyes met, I still remember how my heart started to race.
I didn't know it back then. I just knew, something was wrong. But the moment, we met again, I fell in love with you. You could say, it was love at first sight, because I hadn't thought of you anymore. You hadn't been important for me anymore, but that changed immediately.
And it was the same with you because I knew you fell in love with me right that moment, too.<
HeeChul didn't know what to do. He felt insecure.
SiWon smiled warmly at him. He was lost in his own thoughts, just looking at HeeChul's beautiful face.
"SiWonnie...," HeeChul silently murmured. He felt awkward and couldn't bear to look at the one sitting next to him in the train.
"You remember, we ended up in bed together that night? You had kissed me and I fell for you, so deep, that I couldn't resist when we made love. I couldn't understand it for I never had even thought of me being gay. But that night was one of my best nights in my life. We catched up to each other and we loved each other. You told me you loved me...that night," SiWon whispered quietly. He looked up at the sky and sighed thoughtfully. HeeChul looked at SiWon, tears were shining in his eyes.
"I-I'm sorry," HeeChul stuttered. He pulled SiWon's hand closer to his chest, and pressed a soft and careful kiss against his lips.
SiWon was surprised and he smiled, but shook his head when HeeChul backed away. A silent tear fell down HeeChul's cheek.
"HeeChul, don't be."
>You were sitting on my lap. We were sitting on a swing at the playground. I was slighty moving with you. You had wrapped your arms around my neck and gave me a chaste kiss.
I just turned eighteen and you had given me a special birthday present I'd never forget.
It was just a simple, small note, but it was the best present ever. I remember exactly what you had written on it:
'My dear SiWonnie, I'm sorry for being like that. I know it's rare that I tell you I love you, but I mean it. I really do. But it's hard when a person is ashamed of their relationship, so I ask you, don't be ashamed of me, don't be ashamed of us. Because, I love you and I want to spend my future with you. Always. I can never forget the love you give me. Thank you and a happy birthday.'
'HeeChullie...,' I whispered.
Your eyes started to glister. 'You had called me like that before...'
I nodded. 'I'm sorry. I never intended to hurt you, my HeeChullie,' I murmured and we kissed.
That night, I realized my mistake and I realized that there was no reason to be ashamed of you or us. Because we were in love. Because I loved you and you loved me and that wouldn't change.<
"SiWonnie," HeeChul sobbed. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "I can't remember..."
"It was special to me. Not only because you said it, but also because it had been the last time you said it to me," SiWon whispered and now, tears were in his eyes as well, slowly falling down his cheek.
HeeChul clung to SiWon's shirt, crying openly. "I-I'm s-so so s-sorry," he repeated and SiWon just held him tightly.
The train continued to make his way through the cities, letting the big lights behind.
Half an hour had passed with them just sitting next to each other, holding each other's hand tightly. HeeChul had rested his head on SiWon's shoulder.
"We have to get out," SiWon said with a husky voice. His throat felt dry from crying before.
The train was empty when it stopped at an old train station.
SiWon helped HeeChul to stand up. "Let's go."
HeeChul's cheeks were still wet. It killed him inside, knowing his feelings that had been there, being replaced by a big emptiness.
"HeeChullie, it's just a new beginning. Don't cry anymore," SiWon whispered and led HeeChul out of the train and into the darkness.
Pairing: SiChul
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Summary: SiWon and HeeChul are sitting in a train, when SiWon recalls their memories.
AN: This is for kiroroety because she asked for some SiChul. ^_^ I imagined them sitting like this in the end, or similar to that. (>sorry, I'm not good at drawing<) The fic was inspired by the movie bl, because I love the train scene, just that in this fic, no one is dead :)
SiWon smiled a warm smile while he was holding HeeChul's hand, caressing the back of it with his thump gently.
HeeChul looked at him with a small smile in return. He seemed insecure, but SiWon looked past it, his expression telling HeeChul not to worry.
"Okay, tell me," HeeChul demanded slowly and SiWon nodded.
"Okay..."
>I was going to the swimming pool. I was so excited for I loved to go swimming. But when I went there, you were standing at the edge.
I was four that time and my mother held my hand while we went into the warm water. I had fun, trying to swim with my mother holding me for a few minutes, but when I looked at you the next time, you were still standing at the edge.
I asked my mother what you were doing there. She said you probably couldn't swim and were afraid to go in.
I continued to splash the water around when suddenly two boys came and pushed you. You fell into the pool and I screamed in shock because I suddenly realized my mother was right and you indeed couldn't swim.
My mother sat me on the edge and swam to you. She took you with her to me. You weren't crying. You probably were too shocked for that.
'Are you okay?' my mother asked worriedly.
You nodded without saying a word.
'Were are your parents?' she wanted to know, but you shook you head.
'You don't know?' She frowned and you looked into the water with a sad expression.
I felt sorry for you, but I didn't understand everything that was going on, so I asked my mother. 'Mum, can I play with him?'
'Why don't you ask him yourself?' my mother replied and I turned to you. 'Do you want to play with me?' I asked hesitantly and to my relief, you nodded. I smiled, but I also wondered if you couldn't talk because you didn't say anything yet.
We played in the children's pool while my mother went to look for your parents.
I tried to get you to talk to me, but you just refused to do so.
Eventually I gave up and we just played.<
"That's how we got to know each other," SiWon stated with a smile, still thinking about it.
HeeChul nodded, but he didn't say anything.
SiWon squeezed his hand for a brief moment, getting HeeChul's attention.
"Don't look like that," SiWon said with a pout and HeeChul forced himself to smile.
"That's better," SiWon said grinning.
"Where are we even going?" HeeChul asked, looking outside the window of the train they were sitting in.
"To my favorite place," SiWon answered.
"Oh," HeeChul murmured. His eyes scanned the city the train was going through. "Can you continue?"
"If you want me to."
"Yes, please."
"Alright," SiWon said and so, he started again.
>'SiWon, do you want your friend to come with us?' my mom asked me and I nodded. My family wanted to go to the zoo. I was seven.
I immediately ran to the phone to call you.
'Hello, here is SiWon. Can I talk to HeeChul?' I asked when a voice spoke on the other line. By now, I knew your name. Your mother had told us and she also explained that you didn't talk much since your father died in a car accident.
I hadn't had to wait long until I heard your voice on the other line. 'Hello?'
I smiled to myself when I informed you about our plan for today. 'Come with us to the zoo. My parents allowed it,' I said.
'No,' you simply answered. Your mother had told me once that you only talked to her and me on the phone.
'Why not? Oh, please! Please, HeeChullie!' I alwasy called you like that and I always pleaded until you gave in. 'I ask my mom,' you said and a minute later, I heard your voice once again. 'I'm on my way to you then.'
'Oh, thank you, HeeChullie! I'll wait for you!' I exclaimed and hung up.
I didn't really understand why, but my parents thought you were weird. Probably because you didn't talk much and it made me sad. But they wanted to make me happy, so they still let me invite you over. They knew I liked you really much.
When you came over, you only nodded. I smiled and hugged you happily. You hesitated, but hugged me back.<
"I'm so thankful that my parents had given me time to spend with you. I always liked you, you know," SiWon admitted with a chuckle.
HeeChul turned to look at him. An unreadable expression was on his face.
SiWon just lifted their hands to let them rest on his lap.
HeeChul looked out of the window once again. He looked up to the clouds and thought about the things, SiWon had told him. He sighed silently when he thought back to that past.
"Do you want me to tell you something else?" SiWon asked all of a sudden with a silent voice.
HeeChul looked at him briefly for a nod, before he looked out once again and SiWon started to talk, still caressing the other's hand gently.
>'HeeChullie, come over, so we can play something together!' I said, holding my phone close to my ear.
'Yeah. Ask your parents if I can sleep over at yours,' you replied and I immediately ran to my parents. I was ten back then.
My parents agreed because it was weekend.
You came over, as so often before, and again, I hoped you would stay, but you didn't.
You greeted my parents, smiled at me and went with your things to my room. You told me to be quiet and stay in my room, so I did. We told my parents that we would go to bed early. They believed us, but while I was sitting in my room, you climbed out of my window and left.
I sighed silently. I hated all the times you went out and left. I knew you were going to someone else's party or to visit your girlfriend, but it made me sad. I was your friend as well, after all.
Late at night, I was woken up by a knock on the window. I knew it was you and I jumped out of bed to let you in.
But this time, you weren't drunk or smiling or just happy. This time was different because you were sad. I frowned. It was rare seeing you sad.
'Is something wrong?' I asked you, but you shook your head.
'Nothing,' you said.
It had been the last time you talked to me for a long while.<
"I guess I'm sorry then," HeeChul mumbled quietly, after listening closely.
"Don't be," SiWon said with a reassuring smile.
HeeChul looked at him. He couldn't smile.
SiWon observed him carefully, getting lost in the other's beautiful eyes and he almost started to cry.
When HeeChul saw that, he felt sorry for him, he hadn't wanted all of this, but instead of comforting him, he pulled his hand away and turned to face the window.
SiWon watched him sadly. "Sorry, HeeChul," he murmured, blaming himself for HeeChul's reaction.
"What happened then? I mean...to us, to you...?" HeeChul silently asked. He knew he should be sad, but he wasn't. He felt sorry for SiWon, but he wasn't upset for what had happened.
SiWon swallowed, pushing his feelings away, and continued.
>I still spend my time looking after you. I always watched you. But you told me I was too young. I didn't want to waste my time and I realized that you didn't trust me like before anymore. You didn't tell me everything anymore. You had secrets you wouldn't share with me. It made me sad.
At least, I saw you talking more and more. You had changed. You had changed so much.
From an older friend of mine, I knew, that night, when I had first realized how big of a distance was between us, your girlfriend had broken up with you.
I had wanted to comfort you, but you wouldn't let me.
So I stayed away from you.
I saw you partying, making out with different girls, and...some boys. It was strange for me to understand for I was only thirteen at that time.
One day, I went to your home. Your mother greeted me. I was lucky because you were at home.
You came to the front door, but when you saw me, you lost your smile.
'I want to come with you to your next party, HeeChullie. I want to spend some time with you once again,' I said because I had missed the time with you.
'SiWon, you are too young. I don't want to be friends with someone who's only thirteen. Leave. I'm busy. I have someone here,' you told me and shut the door in front of me. This action hurt me really much. It sounded like it was the end of our friendship. And in fact, it was.<
"SiWon, please, why are you telling me this? Are there only sad things left?" HeeChul asked, now looking at SiWon with big eyes, reflecting that he understood the things SiWon had told him and that he really was sorry for it.
"Because an end is always a new beginning," SiWon explained. "Listen, let me continue," he stated and HeeChul listened when SiWon started once again.
>I was feeling down. I couldn't understand myself anymore. I had just come back from school and I was really confused about my feelings. There was a movie, we had watched in school, with a sex scene, but the strange thing was, that I got turned on...from the guy's swift movements. I was only sixteen that time and I just couldn't get it. I didn't understand why.
And while I was walking along the street, I bumped into someone.
It was you. I had forgotten about you, but the exact moment, our eyes met, I still remember how my heart started to race.
I didn't know it back then. I just knew, something was wrong. But the moment, we met again, I fell in love with you. You could say, it was love at first sight, because I hadn't thought of you anymore. You hadn't been important for me anymore, but that changed immediately.
And it was the same with you because I knew you fell in love with me right that moment, too.<
HeeChul didn't know what to do. He felt insecure.
SiWon smiled warmly at him. He was lost in his own thoughts, just looking at HeeChul's beautiful face.
"SiWonnie...," HeeChul silently murmured. He felt awkward and couldn't bear to look at the one sitting next to him in the train.
"You remember, we ended up in bed together that night? You had kissed me and I fell for you, so deep, that I couldn't resist when we made love. I couldn't understand it for I never had even thought of me being gay. But that night was one of my best nights in my life. We catched up to each other and we loved each other. You told me you loved me...that night," SiWon whispered quietly. He looked up at the sky and sighed thoughtfully. HeeChul looked at SiWon, tears were shining in his eyes.
"I-I'm sorry," HeeChul stuttered. He pulled SiWon's hand closer to his chest, and pressed a soft and careful kiss against his lips.
SiWon was surprised and he smiled, but shook his head when HeeChul backed away. A silent tear fell down HeeChul's cheek.
"HeeChul, don't be."
>You were sitting on my lap. We were sitting on a swing at the playground. I was slighty moving with you. You had wrapped your arms around my neck and gave me a chaste kiss.
I just turned eighteen and you had given me a special birthday present I'd never forget.
It was just a simple, small note, but it was the best present ever. I remember exactly what you had written on it:
'My dear SiWonnie, I'm sorry for being like that. I know it's rare that I tell you I love you, but I mean it. I really do. But it's hard when a person is ashamed of their relationship, so I ask you, don't be ashamed of me, don't be ashamed of us. Because, I love you and I want to spend my future with you. Always. I can never forget the love you give me. Thank you and a happy birthday.'
'HeeChullie...,' I whispered.
Your eyes started to glister. 'You had called me like that before...'
I nodded. 'I'm sorry. I never intended to hurt you, my HeeChullie,' I murmured and we kissed.
That night, I realized my mistake and I realized that there was no reason to be ashamed of you or us. Because we were in love. Because I loved you and you loved me and that wouldn't change.<
"SiWonnie," HeeChul sobbed. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "I can't remember..."
"It was special to me. Not only because you said it, but also because it had been the last time you said it to me," SiWon whispered and now, tears were in his eyes as well, slowly falling down his cheek.
HeeChul clung to SiWon's shirt, crying openly. "I-I'm s-so so s-sorry," he repeated and SiWon just held him tightly.
The train continued to make his way through the cities, letting the big lights behind.
Half an hour had passed with them just sitting next to each other, holding each other's hand tightly. HeeChul had rested his head on SiWon's shoulder.
"We have to get out," SiWon said with a husky voice. His throat felt dry from crying before.
The train was empty when it stopped at an old train station.
SiWon helped HeeChul to stand up. "Let's go."
HeeChul's cheeks were still wet. It killed him inside, knowing his feelings that had been there, being replaced by a big emptiness.
"HeeChullie, it's just a new beginning. Don't cry anymore," SiWon whispered and led HeeChul out of the train and into the darkness.