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Does it make sense to feel bad for NOT wanting people to do stuff for you? I don't think there's anything wrong with not liking for people to go out of their way. I spent most of my childhood being told I was spoiled and having things that were done for me thrown back in my face. Now as an adult I prefer people not do things for me. Maybe it's dumb
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Even when I know it's not going to be used against me later, I just feel bad when someone does a favor for me. Whether it's meant to be paid back or not, I feel like nothing I do will repay or be enough. One good deed deserves another... I feel honor bound to do something for the person even if they weren't keeping a tab. Yet I don't expect or want people to feel obligated to pay me back when I do for them.
I have a strong sense of giri. As with a lot of japanese terms, this is hard to translate into english. The most basic translation is...
A debt of gratitude and self sacrificing pursuit of anothers happiness.
The word "self-sacrificing" may seem like a negative to someone unfamiliar with japanese culture, although it's anything but. Giri is not something viewed as a burden but a debt of honor selflessly done for someone to whom you hold a relationship with, be it; a family member, friend, boss, co-worker, even an enemy.
"Everyday examples of giri can be found in social customs such as New Year's cards, gifts such as year end presents. When one does act involuntarily to a person to whom one feels giri, one must not take into account one's own suffering when alleviating or helping another out of a difficult situation."
I think most of us experience giri at some point or another but I don't believe most western cultures have a definitive term for it that fully encompasses the japanese meaning.
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