2 months. 2 weeks. 9 times.

[blindnstranded]

Yeah.
Gym. blah
Sewing. blah
Spanish. blah
4th-6th. blah
lunch. blah
science. blah
history. blah
bus. cried. and cried. kept wiping my tears away. blah

cried when i got home. ricky came over and he looked at me and right away asked what was wrong. blah i love him. he's the only one worth living for anymore.
he made me smile and laugh more than I did all day. :) it felt great.

then my sister goes and fucks it all up so i'm angry the rest of the night.
i wish i wasnt angry, i wish i would of been happier so i just could of been with him smiling instead of all pissy.

I love you Ricky.
So much.
Now.
I miss you.

Gawd. I wish people knew how much I was hurting so they would back off.
Everytime I stop smiling.
Everytime I stop talking.
Everytime I try to look away.
Everytime I'm trying to get over it, over and over again.
But he's always there. Always smiling.
He's happier without me, why can't I let go?
I hate him inside, I know I do.
God. Boys suck.

Cept Ricky :)

Its 2 months and 2 weeks but it seems liek forever. even though its only the beginning.
I love him. I LOVE YOU RICKY.

Ah. Well.

Good bye