Warning: excessive self-indulgence ahead
I am burnt out.
Three weeks before college, and I am just so freaking tired. Tired of working, tired of worrying, tired of crying, tired of trying to be happy, tired of writing ten posts a day for an absolutely delightful forum where I'm fairly certain about three people actually like me. I don't want to practice driving when I know I can't see anyway, and I don't want to keep testing experimental contacts that don't fit my astigmatism, and I don't want to keep filling out forms and arguing with the medical records office, and I don't want to make lists of all the things I need for college when I can't afford any of it. I want to quit my internship and put the breaks on my job (though I really do adore the job) and just lie down and sleep. Or go for a walk, or go eat food without worrying about what it costs, or go spend time with my friends without either having to hide it from my parents or having to go through a big long interrogation by my dad.
My dad is always yelling at me. My friends either seem to have forgotten about me, or are inviting me to things my parents won't let me go to. My family can't afford to buy my bedding, much less all the other stuff I need. My medical records basically say I can't go to college because I'll be dead within a year. I have no health insurance, and Yale requires you to have health insurance, but I can't afford health insurance, and insurance companies WON'T GIVE IT TO ME because the stupid preexisting conditions clause in the health bill was the first thing to be loopholed to death. I didn't pass my driving exam because I drove too slowly and it's an automatic fail, and in all of Seattle there is only one exam left in the month of August.
I'm going to the school of my dreams. I've got a nice job. I love my friends and I'm excited for my classes.
But I am so, so fucking tired.
Three weeks before college, and I am just so freaking tired. Tired of working, tired of worrying, tired of crying, tired of trying to be happy, tired of writing ten posts a day for an absolutely delightful forum where I'm fairly certain about three people actually like me. I don't want to practice driving when I know I can't see anyway, and I don't want to keep testing experimental contacts that don't fit my astigmatism, and I don't want to keep filling out forms and arguing with the medical records office, and I don't want to make lists of all the things I need for college when I can't afford any of it. I want to quit my internship and put the breaks on my job (though I really do adore the job) and just lie down and sleep. Or go for a walk, or go eat food without worrying about what it costs, or go spend time with my friends without either having to hide it from my parents or having to go through a big long interrogation by my dad.
My dad is always yelling at me. My friends either seem to have forgotten about me, or are inviting me to things my parents won't let me go to. My family can't afford to buy my bedding, much less all the other stuff I need. My medical records basically say I can't go to college because I'll be dead within a year. I have no health insurance, and Yale requires you to have health insurance, but I can't afford health insurance, and insurance companies WON'T GIVE IT TO ME because the stupid preexisting conditions clause in the health bill was the first thing to be loopholed to death. I didn't pass my driving exam because I drove too slowly and it's an automatic fail, and in all of Seattle there is only one exam left in the month of August.
I'm going to the school of my dreams. I've got a nice job. I love my friends and I'm excited for my classes.
But I am so, so fucking tired.