I don't wanna grow up 'cause I'm a Toys 'R Us Kid.
The whole college process is just a big box of stress with torn wrapping paper. I hate it, I really do.
I am 70% sure that I want to stay in the city because I really do adore Philadelphia, but there is this yearning to get out of my house just nawing at the back of my brain. I've been rather observant lately and I've noticed that I am never happy when I am home, never (unless of course my brother is here but he is here for about ten minutes a week so this fact does not count). When I am out with my friends, in school, or even when I am alone by myself, I am a completely different person then when I am with the presence of my mother in my house. Even just speaking to her can drive me to insanity. The woman is quote unquote "the biggest pessimistic bitch I will ever encounter." I don't understand how she thinks let alone even ATTEMPT to comprehend what I am trying to explain to her most of the time. She just...ruins my selfesteem COMPLETELY. It's like she is wearing steeltoed boots and is repeatedly kicking my self esteem square in the balls, and it is laying on the ground struggling to get back up and when it is finally on its feet again, here comes the almighty ball kicker to kick it the fuck back down. I, emotionally, cannot stand living here. It really just...breaks me over and over again and I can't handle that. I must cry over myself because of her about, four out of the seven days of the week. I mean, I always do say that I am a happier person now because I am, it's just that she'll ruin it for me a lot of times.
So, with the whole "going-away-to-colege" factor...I don't know what I want to do. I am pretty sure I am attending Temple University, if they accept me, because it is pretty much in the middle of my home city (which I love) and the campus is beautiful. And not to mention, it is a great school. Then, I can hopefully get my own apartment in a few years because as soon as I get a job, I am saving like crazy. Maybe I can go half with someone, but I won't even attempt to plan that now because whenever I plan something that far in the future, something always comes along and changes my plans. Basically, it is just a hopeful suggestion for myself. But, there still is a slight chance I may go to DeSales University. I really like the school. I visited it around three weeks ago. It is only an hour away from Philadelphia and I could drive home whenever I wanted. Only...they have no friggin' music program such as band or anything which is terrible, and it is in the middle of a CORN FIELD, A CORN FIELD, which is exactly why I mentioned coming home every weekend. I am really leaning towards the Temple stradegy but there is still a bit a doubt in there. I am just really indecisive and it is a pain.
Sum everything up...this entire process sucks.