empty hopes, broken promises
it's all that i seem to be full of lately. my job is ending. i mean, we're closing. i found out for sure today, but it's been a rumor for about a month or so. me and my stupid little hope that things will just work themselves out. i left work early today b/c i couldn't stand the building. i'm so tired of learning to do my little tasks, just so that i have to find another job and learn different ones. push a button. pull a lever. i've been reading Fight Club and it makes me wanna hit bottom again. i haven't had a ciggarette in a few days, and before that ... like a week. i haven't had a good high for about that long either. i'm rather testy and really bummed. i haven't had a drink in 2 or 3 weeks. being sober isn't that much fun anymore. not when the reality is that i'm flat broke, unemployed and lonely. yea, yea, yea ... it could be worse. i could be an infant, infected with aids in africa. or some other third world country. but i still need to find a job to make rent .... or move back to my dads house.
my sisters didn't eat without me. that day. we all went out, and i found out that carmens resolution is to work on our relationship. linda's just tired of the same old fight. carmen hates me b/c i turned into a 5 yr old after our mom died. and i hate her b/c she treated me like a 5 yr old. i took care of them. i did. but then i just ... i dunno, hid? and now they have to take care of me. and that's a whole job to itself. no one wants to do that, not even me.
i'm tired of being treated like a moron for feeling. for being trusting. loyal. considerate. hard-working. blah.
time to go home. bye. hopefully, i'll stop being bummed and just get off my ass and actually do something. i hope so, but ... that's retarded. i should just do it if i want. i'm just tired of being treated the way i am for doing what i want.
my sisters didn't eat without me. that day. we all went out, and i found out that carmens resolution is to work on our relationship. linda's just tired of the same old fight. carmen hates me b/c i turned into a 5 yr old after our mom died. and i hate her b/c she treated me like a 5 yr old. i took care of them. i did. but then i just ... i dunno, hid? and now they have to take care of me. and that's a whole job to itself. no one wants to do that, not even me.
i'm tired of being treated like a moron for feeling. for being trusting. loyal. considerate. hard-working. blah.
time to go home. bye. hopefully, i'll stop being bummed and just get off my ass and actually do something. i hope so, but ... that's retarded. i should just do it if i want. i'm just tired of being treated the way i am for doing what i want.