a completely absurd movie review: New Moon
Let's begin with the obvious, the story is the story and either you like it or you don't. Besides that let me bullet point rant:
-Kristen Stuart doesn't bite her lip as much in this film, she's replaces that habit with furious blinking
-Bella is apparently so upset about losing the love of her life, she meanders around the forest for a bit and then takes a nap. No frantic running to catch up with Edward. No fatigue from searching for hours and hours.
-Alice's wardrobe looks like it was swiped from the Queen's private collection circa 1984
-Why the hell did they ugly up Jasper so damn much?
-Why did they amp up the eyes so damn much?
-Why the hell are the vampires wearing red lipstick?
-Alice's vision was so cheesy, the audience broke out in laughter.
-Why the hell is Mike orange? Is he drinking too much carrot juice or something?
-Why the hell is Edward wearing suits all the damn time? Where's the cool, hip Edward wardrobe from the previous film?
-If Peter whats-his-face (Dr Cullen) is going to be in film with a dozen hot guys, he needs to work out. He looked pudgy, is he expecting?
The good stuff:
(I went a week after the movie came out and most of the audience consisted of moms.)
-Jacob black taking off his shirt. Damn! During this scene the moms half moaned in delight then quickly stopped at realization that he's young enough to be their son, and everyone giggled in a naughty manner. It was hilarious.
-The chick who plays Rosalie actually looked pretty this go around.
-The wolf pack. Enough said.
It's such a shame that despite having a bigger budget, this film was just as disjointed and cheesy as the first but with none of energy.