(no subject)
okay. so this week has been hectic. well, really just the past few days. it started around, we'll say, monday? i think thats when it happened. well, i got another ticket. not for speeding or anything like that. it was written for failure to adhere to signal, which it should have been written for "her car is too freaking big to see everything and when she switched lanes, she almost hit someone." that would be more like it. so anyway, my mom was all pissed off because i was on my way home from bringing a friend home. it wasnt even 12 yet, so im not sure what the real problem is there. anyway, she was mad that i was out at that time, so i wasn't allowed to sleep out. i'm still not allowed to sleep out. i must be 14 again or something. im not sure.
so that pissed me off to start with. the fact that i'm 18, never gotten in any kind of trouble with the parents that they need to be so overprotective with me, and not allowed to stay out. i mean, they wont even move my curfew past 12. ridiculous. its like they have no trust for me at all. but anyway. let's move on. so last night i was hanging out in hammonton with some friends and wanted to sleep at jackies. mind you, her house is only 5 minutes away from mine. so i called my mom and asked her if i could stay at jackies. she gave me some bullcrap answer about how she had to talk to jackies parents and make sure i was staying there. so since her parents were sleeping, i just said forget it. so that ruined my mood right there. and i was having such a good ass day, too. so then i became really miserable and nonsocial. which brings me to today.
my mom made me go to this interview in AC today to be an EMT. i cried when i woke up, cried while i got dressed, while i listened to her scream at me, the entire ride there, cried some more sitting in my car trying to gather myself together. then had about a 20 minute break while i was in the damn place, then cried walking back to the car, the entire way home, the past hour i've been home, and it's still going. im not sure why im crying so freaking much, but it's pretty annoying. im not sure if its because i just dont want to be an EMT in AC yet, or because my mom has been screaming at me, because im overwhelmed with everything going on right now, or because my parents have no trust for me. i'm assuming its a mix of all of those things.
so now i'm not allowed to go anywhere until i find a job. but answer this: if i can't go anywhere, how the HELL do you want me to get a job? oh, okay, ill just use my magical powers.
i just feel like my mom is pushing me so hard. and being an EMT is NOT something you can rush. especially in AC. its extremely stressful, that's even the first thing they told me. and i'm not mentally ready for it. i know i'm not. it's not self doubt, or anything like that, its just i know how i feel about it. my mom doesn't understand that; she doesn't know the first thing about what an EMT goes through. she has been on my case about getting a job for so long. she acts like i havent been filling out applications and whatnot. i dont care about getting a job. i want a job. but being an EMT is not something an 18 year old girl should have put on her shoulders. it's too grown up. and if i try to talk to her, she blows up and just starts screaming and cussing and its not cool. i can't have a normal conversation with her. she's just so hard headed. my god. i bet she'd start screaming at me if she was reading this right now, instead of trying to talk to me like a normal human being. it just makes me so damn upset. even my aunt called me before and after the interview, gave me her honest opinion on it. and i respected the hell out of her for doing it in such a calm and collected way. she actually made me consider it. didn't change my opinion, but i gave it some thought. the way my mom goes about it makes me not even want to think about anything at all besides running away.
thats all i want to do right now. just run away. im so frustrated. i just want to have fun. i have three days until i leave for jamaica, and i want to spend as much time as possible with my friend. and my mom said that i can't just sit around having leisure time and hanging out with friends 24/7. well, excuse me, but i thought that's what 18 year olds did...enjoyed their life. i mean, shit, i must've been wayyy off or something.
i have a lot more to say on this topic. but i think the whole job and curfew thing is enough for now.